This is kinda a rant/vent/beg for support here girls, so please bear with me.

I had a baby 6 months ago. Prior to that I had lost about 80 pounds and 60 inches. I was feeling oh-so-rock and roll and motivated and oops, I got pregnant. With that, I allowed myself to go wacky insane crazy and I ate everything in the world and gained back 30 pounds. Now, I am back on track and working out like mad but I have a very very very bad attachment to eating for the WRONG reasons, when I'm stressed (which happens with small kids at home) or lonely (which happens quite often) or sad.. ****, I even eat when I am happy! I can understand that you need to replace bad habits (eating for reasons other than hunger) with good habits (exercising, reading, talking to friends etc) but I constantly have to FORCE myself NOT to eat. It's like I do it on autopilot. If I'm not fully aware of what I'm doing I could easily eat an entire box of something insane and evil like Pop-tarts. Not even toasted, mind you. Not to get all pop-psychology or anything, but it's like I have this big, fat hole inside me that I am always trying to fill. Does anyone else ever feel this way? How do you fix it? Or until you fix it, how do you fake it until you make it (Hee. One of my Ediets pals always says that)

Any words 'o wisdom?

After 4 years of being mostly in control of what and how I eat, I still get like this time to time. I just did it today on a smaller (when compared to the old me) scale: Went downstairs to let the dog out and while waiting for her to do her biziness, I popped open the crisper where the Cool Whip is HIDDEN and began to scarf down 1/4 the container in addition to a couple of 3 musketeers minis and fig newtons. That's like 400 empty calories that I'll have to weed out later

In your case, you've shown that you can be sucessful at dieting already. I don't blame you one bit for going "wacky insane crazy" with what you ate with your pregnancy. Yeah I know that the doctors say you only need to eat and gain so much, but you had a human growing inside of you! Talk about messin' around with your hormones and dieting schedule!

Basically it seems that you're back to your old, old habits (before your 80 lbs loss) and having trouble curbing them again. Maybe you do really have a psychological addiction to food (I seriously think that I do) in which case you could always go to a doctor and try to get it sorted out legitimately. I'd also investigate, if I were you, whether or not any of your over-eating could be caused by your post-partum situation. There are a lot of crazy changes that take hold in your chemistry during pregnancy and some keep hold for a long time after. I'm setting up to quit smoking soon and I read that doctors are now prescribing, with pretty good results, medications like Welbutrin and Zoloft as cessation aids. These have a tendency to curb obsessive compulsive "nagging" thoughts and have helped a lot of people quit. Personally I'm more the tough-love, cold-turkey type--and I just don't want to take anything that messes with my brain--so I'm going to go it alone. But if you would talk to a doctor about your situation, I'd ask about that as well.

So how do you fake it until you make it? What I did to help control my constant binge eating was to just focus myself on foods that would barely impact my waistline. When I first started dieting, I would keep a hefty supply of things on hand that I could "eat as much of as I wanted". And when I started to feel "the need", couldn't stand it anymore, and found myself standing in the kitchen ready to consume anything and everything in sight, I would gorge myself on something healthy. Cut-up raw broccoli and low fat dressing. Steamed brussel sprouts and maybe fish. Fresh tomatoes. Bowls of canned green beans or stewed tomatoes. And I'm not saying that I would eat a snack of these, I would eat bowl after bowl of them until I was stuffed. I found that it didn't matter what I was eating, just that I was eating. It's disturbing to think that I really needed to eat that badly, but I did--and once I had finally stuffed myself to the point of discomfort, at least I felt some relieve from my thoughts of food. I obviously can't say that this would work for you, but maybe if you can channel your eating urges towards low calories foods, the binges won't hurt so badly.

Over time I've managed to eliminate most of my obsession with food as well as these types of behavior. With your previous dieting sucess I bet you'll do the same. Having a baby is a huge change and stressor. I think you've coped well to not have gained back all of the weight you lost! I hope you get some better advice than mine. I haven't been in your exact situation so all I can do is offer up what I've learned in my own.

Best of luck and welcome to the forums!

I don't know how other people did it, but I decided that my relationship with food was like the worst relationship I'd ever had a with a guy and I had to break up with it. And it was a totally dysfunctional relationship that just made me crazy, and the more I thought about it and broke it down, the more crazy I got, till one day, I realized I had to breakup with my usual foods and start dating new ones. For a one month, I could eat anything I wanted, as long as it wasn't by "default" - you know, those foods you eat because you always order the pulled pork sandwich when you go out for barbque, or the fish & chips & pint you get when you go to the Irish pub. Or the pop-tarts you buy and then eat the whole box because, really, they aren't that big and isn't the fat content on them pretty low? I figured out what my default foods were and I dumped them. When tempted, I tried to remember those drunken phonecalls to my ex which never, ever made me feel better, just worse. I found out there is a whole new world of foods out there that don't have any emotional attachment to me and I can enjoy them without punishing myself. The next part, for me, was much easier - trimming up my meals, eating more veggies & fruit - but doing it because I truly enjoyed eating them rather than I had to because I was on "a diet."

If you are eating to feed your emotions, try breaking the food associations first - if you always eat poptarts when your kids are melting down (for me it was Hershey w/Almonds - not the little bar, but the big one) try something completely new for a while and see how it feels. If you find things you can not live without, find ways to make them ok - I gave up 1/2 & 1/2 in my coffee for a week and found life was just not worth living - so now it is tied to exercise - I can only have it if I exercised the day before. Last month, I exercised all but 5 days, two months before I think I may have exercised 1 day the whole month. But I love my 1/2 & 1/2 and when the urge to exercise is waning, the smell of that coffee brewing is what gets me off the couch and moving.

Does any of this sound feasible?

I know. And being pregnant is VERY vulnerable to a lot of women. Plus, my husband can be a major a-hole so that didn't help I slipped into that whole "eating as self-comfort, self-medicating thing" and it's hard to crawl back outta that hole!

Yeah, I have considered that.. I'm not sure if drugs can be taken with breastfeeding though.. but yes! Raise your hand if you are a food addict! : raises hand high:

I think that's a very good, practical idea. I am gonna have to try that. let' s see how I do bingeing on salad..

BTW, you have done great on your loss! Thanks for all your suggestions-- it helps so much to be able to talk to people!

WOWWOWWOW. I love that.. thinking of bad foods as an ex! That's great! I need to break up with a lot of foods. Godiva is like heroin to me. I can just NEVER EVER have it. Because 1 piece will NEVER be enough. I have"danger foods" I avoid at all costs. I cannot be trusted around certain things. At least not yet. I want to get back to the point where I don't have to think about food as anything other than fuel. I want to stop missing it, ya know? Sometimes it feels like I've lost my best pal Anyway, you girlies are very wise. I feel better just reading these things!!!

I laughed out loud when I read that. Two words: H-O-N-E-Y B-U-N-S. God, was I ever in love with Mrs. Freshley's honey buns. I don't know what it is about them--I've never met anyone else who even likes them--but they were simply irresistable to me. They're just so... soft, and greasy, and sweet... my god you don't even have to chew them; they just sliiiiiide down your throat. The vending machine near my office always had them stocked and I used to have 2 or 3 a day.

I have not eaten a honey bun in over 4 years. Every other temptation I've allowed myself to have now and then--donuts, ice cream, cookies, chips--but never ever honey buns! I have this superstition that if I eat one I'll never be able to stop again. I just can't restrict myself to one.

So, I guess it's officially over between me in honey buns. Out of all the vending machines in all the buildings in all of the world, why did they have to be stocked in mine??? Ah well, I think I'm better of without them. Honey buns never loved me like I loved honey buns. *sigh*

Do you work for Conde Naste? Are you some undercover magazine food critic or something? Because I have NEVER had a Mrs. Freshley (And what BS name for a company is that?! I bet if it were named "Mr. Stale-ey's Honey Buns" no one would eat 'em) honey bun and now I want one after reading your description! HEY! Maybe we could start a new magazine just for dieters called "Food Porn" or something where we just describe all the really good food we can no longer eat..

Yes. I have lists of foods that HATE me. That never game me no LUV, that just made me miserable. One day I'm gonna go to Vermont and beat up Ben and Jerry! Anyone wanna come with me?

me & a pint of Ben & Jerries - my ideal menage a troi! I can't even imagine eating a whole pint of ice cream now, but I used to do it, at least once a month if not more. I've been thinking about ice cream lately, not in a craving way, but in a planning way. I've got two kids and a rural ice cream stand a few miles down the road. I'd hate to think I can't take my kids out for ice cream on a hot summer evening because I can't control myself, so I've started planning ahead. If I drive them there, then I get sorbet or sherbert or something tasty and guilt free. If I ride my bike there, then I can get a small ice cream, guilt free.

Instead of thinking of myself as on a diet, I think of myself as maintaining - this is my life now - and in order to maintain my happyness, I need to know that there is nothing off limits, but everything within limits.

Ok, off to the gym for weights, then home this afternoon for a long walk.

What a GREAT turn of phrase!

I love the food as a BAD ex bit. but they are so hard to get rid of too.
When I'm on track I do so well but when I fall off, I think it perfectly normal to eat like 10 snack servings in a row. Its just so hard to stay on. I'm living with my parents but I hope when my son and I move out I will be able to elliminate a lot of the diet sabators that come into my house with out me buying them. If there aren't there, I won't eat them.
ThebabyMademe...Aftrer I had my son, At first I kind of kept eating the way I had been but once I got it undercontrol and started exercising, since I was breatfeeding, they weight just flew off. I didn't keep it off but it came off so easily. Its just getting it under control that hard to figure out.

LOL! I'm not nearly picky enough when it comes to food to critique it! And I apologize for making you think about the evil honey bun. It wasn't my intention to make them sound good!!! Mrs. Freshley's honey buns are to a real donut what McDonald's cheeseburgers are to a REAL cheeseburger. It's like they're a cheap imitation of the real thing, but sometimes that's what you want. I dunno... I think they lace the glaze.

Anyway, food porn? Here's the first page hehe: Enter at your own risk!

Tell me about it. I was eating whatever for the first 3 or 4 weeks after I found out. Cheesecake, donuts, you name it. But I got back on the wagon. STILL...even though I know I have to put on weight, I don't want to put on too much. Before I found out, at 2 months pregnant, I was pushing so hard to lose that I'd cut back to 1300 calories a day. I didn't realize it was so hard to lose because I was pregnant. LOL Now, even though I'm back to eating right and exercising, doing more than 45 minutes of aerobics would wear me out, so I generally stay with 30 to 45 minutes instead of my usual 60 to 90. As for the eating, I'm eating all the right foods against, but I can't EVEN get it under 2000 calories a day. A couple of times I managed to go around 1800, but I feel like I'm starving and I start getting sick. So I've stopped trying to even worry about the calories at all and eating whenever I feel I need to eat, just staying with the good stuff. I am allowing myself cheat moments though because I know once this is over I won't cheat again until I'm back down where I was.

LOLOLOL.. Those don't even look REAL! They look like a picture of a picture of what someone thinks a honeybun "should" look like. I have now decided that Mrs. Freshly is an alien lifeform, sent here to make us want her fake plastic bakery goods as a form of space mind control. Or something.

I know exactly what you mean about fake food! I LOVE FAKE FOOD! It's like sometimes I want fruit. Like, you know, crunchberries. Those are fruit aren't they? Oh, I mean "froot." And I love it when even fake food becomes somehow faker.. like when you get soft serve ice cream at Dairy Queen it can IN NO WAY be considered ice cream? it's like fake cold really sweet foam that they call ice cream! But I don't eat that crap anymore. But I like to talk about it!!!

almostheaven--

Forgive me if I'm confused, but you're preggers right now?

Yup. 4 months.

BTW, note my stats "140 - 10/23/04 * 139 - 1/13/05 * 138 - 1/25/05 * 137 - 1/29/05"

That's how hard I was pushing. I was pregnant around Christmas, but didn't know it and was pushing so hard to drop weight throughout January. Then I stuck at 137 until the end of February when I found out I was pregnant. Then it was just like "oh screw it" and I went on the cheesecake and donut diet for awhile. LOL