.................................................. ....
Quillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time
removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the
Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had
done, "what was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of
olives!"
************************************************** *****
"I've Lost Me Luggage"
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal
with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he
was already homesick.
"No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
************************************************** ***
"Water to Wine"
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding
in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been
drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it
again!"
***********************************************
Irish Cemetery
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub
late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
graveyard..
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave,
God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says
here that he was 95 when he died."!
Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be
145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is
written on the stone marker, and exclaims,
"Miles, from Dublin."
************************************************** *
too funny Ellis - thanks for sharing!!