I am fairly new here. I have been strugging with just staying on some kind of track and believing I can actually do this. I have been trying to come up with my own plan---just making small changes----big "plans" stress me out too much, and it just seems to backfire. A month ago I almost gave up when I gained four pounds . But I kept going. I weighed myself this weekend, and I basically stayed the same ---or MAYbe lost half a pound. I just felt devastated. I am only three pounds down from my highest weight. My daughter pointed out that I did well, since that was over Christmas and New Year's, which helped a little bit. But I feel horrible about me. I just cannot believe I am at this weight, and am so discouraged about getting it off. I also have to take some medicine which can cause weight gain and now I am just freaking out that I just cannot do this. I don't really want to give up, but what is wrong with me. Why is it so hard to get some sort of plan and stay with it. I want 2005 to be the year I reach my weight goal. Has anyone else had to deal with this type of situation? Thank you so much for listening. I usually try to be more upbeat, but I am really discouraged.

Kathy -

I understand hon. It sucks. But sticking with it is the best thing you can do. You'll wake up one day and suddenly there will be a big jump. Your body just doesn't want to give up those pounds! If you're not sure if you're doing things right, post your foods and we'll be glad to take a look at them.

We're here for you sister!

Jessica

Kathy, it is really hard to stay determined in the face of lack of success but you really will succeed in the long run. What are the small changes that you are trying to make and are you succeeding at those? Are you doing any exercise? I know it is hard to get out there and exercise when you feel discouraged but exercise will boost your spirits and really make you feel like a success. Don't leap into a complicated exercise plan if you haven't exercised in awhile but even starting a walking program will be a great start. Right now I"ll give you something to feel great about, you made it through the holidays without gaining any weight. That is an accomplishment particularly the way treats of all kinds are always in your face during the holidays. So forget what you have or haven't done and start fresh with 1 success under your belt. Best wishes and I hope we see more of you here!

It helps if you can focus on the results you get OTHER THAN weight loss, too. Eat right and exercise because it's the right thing to do for your health. You take your medicine every day, right? So live a healthy lifestyle and let the weight take care of itself. Stay off the scale for a while. You are only stressing yourself more, and going into a downward spiral. Recognize the BEHAVIORAL changes you make and the challenges you meet and let those fuel your optimism. The only way to "do this" is to feel that it's possible, and if you only recognize the disappointments you come to believe that's all there is or can ever be.

Let's say you set a goal for this week to not drink any sugar-based beverages. You get through the week and you are tempted but you don't give in. Or, you give in once but stop. Let yourself take a moment and reflect how good it feels to feel in control of those drinks, even if it's a little shaky. Recognize how good it feels to refresh your body with cool clear water rather than chemicals and sugar. Think about the fact that you DON'T experience blood sugar spikes like you used to. THAT is success. THAT fuels your belief that you can make these changes, and that you can stay away from the drinks in the long term. THAT is making lasting changes to your lifestyle that will allow you to EVENTUALLY lose weight.

I've been in the same place that you are in right now. I found that when I've told myself I'm "---just making small changes----" that it gives me an out to not eat as well as I should. I don't know that this is the case for you I'm just giving the advice on how I was in your situation.

To me I would say I'm going to eat the things I like but just make small changes. Why shouldn't I enjoy everything other people do. However I would enjoy the food too much because I did not have the structure in place to keep me from over eating.

I would recommend you start journaling what you eat and finding a plan that you think you can live with. I try to stick with the American Heart Association guidelines plus counting my calories. I know it can be overwhelming at first but once you get started it really becomes a lot easier.

If you really want to lose you need to surrender to the idea that you will have to diet. Watching the small things work for people who need to maintain or just need to lose a few pounds. I don’t think it’s going to work for people like us. I’m just going by my own experience so don’t take it the wrong way. It won’t upset me if you disagree but that is the way I feel.

I hope this helps and take it for what it's worth.

Oh Kathy.. we all have been there!! A thousand times!! When you first start everything looks like such a huge goal. I wish I could make it easier for you. Trust me, about 10 lbs from now you will feel different - more motivated. For me motivation comes from exercising. Don't get me wrong - I'm not motivated to exercise - but I feel motivated after. Get up and go for a walk - you will feel so good after!!

One more thing - keep going.. keep coming here and reading.. and keep posting!!!

We are here for you Kathy!!!!!

Dana

Kathy, I think you are doing great. So what if the scale isn't showing it. Like you said you are making those small changes and doing well with them. It may be time to try one of the bigger changes you have been wanting to change but have been too afraid to try. Give it 3 weeks (that's what the experts say it takes to change/make a habit). If after the 3 weeks, you don't see the results you wanted, try something else.

I know for me, I've come to realize that the amount of weight I lose is directly related to the amount of effort I put into it. I know that sounds kind of scientific and yet simple but it's the truth. On the weeks where I don't plan and don't really make an effort to exercise I'm darn lucky to lose any weight and I usually gain. On the weeks when I really put forth an effort and work hard at working out and planning my meals I usually see big results.

You can do this. You just keep at it!!!

I've been there MILLIONS of times, it isn't just you. I just started AGAIN, for the hundreth or more time, yesterday. I have had two good days. What I am trying to do is break each day down into meals and every time I make a good choice, WOW, I feel GREAT! I know its corny but its the only way I think I can do it this time around and this time has to be the last time for me. I can't feel like this anymore, I'm 36, a single mom and can't walk up the stairs. HELLO am I an idiot or WHAT? I'm here if you want any support. I am usually online most of the day here and there so if you are having a hard time feel free to email me [email protected] IM me - AIM-VIcki142 YIM-VickiW142 MSN - [email protected]

I could sure need the extra help and motivation so please please, feel free to say hello and yell, scream or just tell me how good you are doing.

Vicki

I just looked back and saw what howie wrote and I'm exactly the same way. I think he has the right attitude and he (like me and most everyone else here) have learned is that if something doesn't work for you, that doesn't mean give up and gain weight. It means it is time to try something new until you find something that works for you. When it stops working, it is time to add or take away something. I hopped over to the maintainers forum (it's a great source for motivation and ideas to stay on track) and many there still have to tweak their plans to find something that works to keep them motivated and on track.

This time around for me losing weight I started out by using my WW stuff I had from the last time. When I got bored and tired of counting points, I went to slimfast for a month or so and now I just plain old count calories and journal. But, to help me eat better I'm trying to follow the food pyramid and watch my portion sizes.

Kathy, I think we all have been where you are at right now. When I first started there was so much information on there on weight loss it made my head spin. It can be very overwhelming. Everyone is right in saying that you have to start small. It is much easier to make the small changes. Don't feel alone, because you aren't. The best thing I can tell you is to research different weight loss plans and when you find one that you think will be agreeable, give it a try. Start small and change the little things that you can to follow that plan. Then when you are comfortable with that make a few more changes. It will all fall into place. Just don't give up!! You are going to come out of this funk and it will all start coming together for you. Be patient and endure.

I do want to echo what howie said ... personally I am NOT a person who can "just make small changes." I am a compulsive overeater. I HAD to have a concrete plan to follow to make it as far as I have (losing 157 pounds so far). That doesn't mean it's a rigid plan -- theoretically I can eat any food in the world as long as I count it properly. However, I have a program that tells me how much of certain categories of food to eat every day, and that provides me with a certain calorie total that allows me to lose weight while maintaining metabolism. It also gives me STRUCTURE, which I need, and starting the program gave me a line in the sand to cross.

Some people DO rebel against that, but if that's the case, and making small changes isn't working for you, then it's time to really think about WHY you rebel against structured eating and how you can change that. It may not be an easy process, but it could be necessary for long-term success.

For ME (and I'm saying FOR ME) it was essentially about finally growing up at the age of 38. I had a choice -- I could continue to eat by whim and stamp my foot and refuse to be "told what to do" and continue to gain weight, OR I could give up some of that pride and defiance and teenage rebelliousness and surrender to something that would give me a healthy, active life. Trust me, it wasn't an easy decision -- I spent about 6 months thinking about it. But, I did finally decide to give up "freedom" of eating what I wanted when I wanted, because I wanted to have a better life MORE. And you know what? I discovered that what I THOUGHT was freedom was really a prison -- I was imprisoned by food. Now I know what true freedom is. Because I gave myself up to a healthy, extremely flexible plan that had structure, because I drew a line in the sand, because I spent loads of time and energy figuring out that I was a compulsive overeater and how to live with that ... figuring out that this was something I had to deal with FOR LIFE ...

NOW I know what true freedom is. It's not gorging yourself whenever an emotion hits your brain. It's not planning your life around the goodies that will be available at the mall, or at the movies, or at the grocery store, or at the restaurants I ate at every night. It's using food as fuel, and learning to enjoy it without making it the center of your life. It's becoming thin enough to enjoy using your body again for something other than to carry your head around with. It's being able to walk into Target and buy underwear. LOL

I could never have done this if I had tried to "just make small changes." That's just me, and I am grateful I figured that out. Lots of folks here start small and build, and I say, more power to them! But, you have to figure out what's going to work for YOU. Maybe the answer isn't obvious, maybe you'll have to give up something to get to the right solution. Just keep working at it, though, and talk to yourself in a POSITIVE manner. If you have a challenge or hit an obsticle, it just means you have to find a way around it, figure out why it's there in the first place. It doesn't mean you are a loser or this is impossible. Have a positive, problem-solving mindset, and there's nothing you can't accomplish. Just realize that what you've always done, or what everybody else does, may not be the thing to do for YOU.

Well said funniegrrl. Oh and aint life grand when you can purchase your first outfit or underwear form a department store. I love that feeling.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my cry for help and to respond to it. It means more than you know. You gave me a much-needed boost, and a lot to think about. I truly want to find a way to succeed and you keep helping me believe that I can. Thank you very much. I will try to post here more often. I will let you know what I come up with. For now, I realized I HAVE reached some goals, just not weight-wise yet. I have drastically changed my eating habits from eating whatever, whenever, to eating three pretty healthy meals with healthy snacks---still a little junk, but way less. So I am NOT a failure like I was starting to think I was. But I do want to get the weight loss going. I am really thinking over whether maybe I do need to do more of a "plan"---though I do have somewhat of a plan going---but apparently I am taking in enough to maintain, not lose. Hey, another positive---I have stopped gaining. I have a lot of thinking to do. It helps so much to know you guys are there supporting me and working towards the same goals.

I'm so glad this thread helped you. It's a good thread. A lot of good advice. Hang in there you can do it.

Those are all VERY important points, and I'm SO GLAD the veil has been lifted enough for you to see them. It can be easy to dismiss these positive changes when the weight's not coming off as quickly as we'd like in our fantasies, but to me they are THE measure of success. I love that you realized that maintaining rather than gaining is a victory in and of itself.

This is a process, and it takes some trial and error to find the right combination of strategies, both mental and practical. And, as we've said before, sometimes the necessary strategies change over time. It's not something where you can say, "OK, I've found THE answer" or "OK, I'm done." Just keep plugging away, be observant and problem-solving, and you'll get there.