Howdy, Maintainers! I originally posted this in the 100-lb Club Forum but thought I'd cross-post it to see if you guys have any words of wisdom (as you always seem to!).

Well, I just got back from my trip to the in-laws' house in Florida, and I've been formulating this message in my mind the whole way home. I have had my eyes opened to how easy it would be to go back to the way I used to eat (and in the reverse, how difficult it will be to maintain). Since last Wednesday (OK, some of it was post-election depression, I will admit), I have been so totally off-plan that it's pathetic. After receiving lots of kind words about my loss to-date, I managed to eat as if the last six months had never happened!! I did okay the first day we were there -- we went to one of those "feed-trough" mall restaurants that gives you four times the amount of food one should normally eat, but I managed to eat less than half of everything... still too many calories, but not insane. The second day I did a little worse, making the wrong choices about half of the time. And it just got progressively worse the whole time I was there, including fast food (which isn't usually even a tempation for me!), ice cream, chips, other ridiculous, empty, empty foods. And while I can say definitively that I did better than I would have in years past (and took some walks/swam, etc.), for some reason, I thought it would be easier than it was to stay at least *close* to my plan.

I'm sorry if this is self-indulgent, but I feel like I need to sort this out so I don't make the same mistakes next time (Thanksgiving at my mom's house is coming up!). THIS TIME I got a reprieve and didn't seem to gain more than two pounds, some of which is probably TOM (I'll do a real weigh-in in the morning to find out for sure, but I *had* to "survey the damage" when I got home), but I feel awful -- sluggish, bloated, run-down, angry at myself, guilty. I feel that now I know how close I am to the "edge" at all times. While I do well at home in my controlled environment, wandering outside of it without a solid plan in place is apparently a dangerous gamble.

I know I just have to get back on the wagon (my eating today has been on-plan so far, and I'm going to hit the gym tonight), but I'm just frightened by how simple it was to slide back into old habits in the service of "family fun."

Any thoughts, you guys? I've missed you. First item of business for my next trip is my LAPTOP so I can log onto here and into Diet Power. I really think that would have helped....

*Sigh*

Don't be a silly - your post isn't in any way 'self-indulgent'. This is important stuff and it's good to deal with NOW because, like you're realizing, it's going to continue to be an issue as you lose weight.

I think a LOT of people expect that losing weight will cure them of all their food issues. Somehow they imagine that they'll be transformed from their old selves into people who never eat more than one serving of anything (except veggies ), shun fast food, disdain desserts, naturally choose carrots over cheesecake, and crave broccoli and bean sprouts. For most of us, that's just not going to happen. We're still going to want to eat too much of the wrong stuff at times.
It sounds like you were caught off guard that the old 'you' is still there on the inside. Here's a really important lesson that I learned after I reached goal: losing weight changes your body, not your head. I may look like a 'normal' person on the outside now, but on the inside I'm still pretty much the same person who spent her life obese. I suspect that you'll still have food issues once you reach your goal weight - most of us do. Hopefully you'll be able to vanquish some of them, but I think that, at times, many of us still struggle with the same that we did when we were overweight. I do, for sure. I still want to binge eat, I still want to eat when I'm alone in the house, I still reach for food when I'm upset ... etc. I haven't been cured of those involuntary thoughts or urges or whatever you want to call them.

But here's the big difference between THEN and NOW. Then I'd give in to the urge or feel powerless against the thought of binging. Now I feel like I have a whole arsenal of weapons to use against negative food behaviors. I can plan meals in advance, make sure that healthy food is prepared, ask a friend for support, get the food out of the house, get ME out of the house and so on. All the kinds of things that YOU'VE learned to do in your weight loss so far. You and I can manage our food issues, even if we're not cured of them. It fits in with the idea of lifelong obesity management that we've talked about here at Maintainers . Not obesity 'cure'; just management.

I think you've already hit on the key to managing your upcoming challenges:
Plan, plan, plan! Visualize what challenges you'll be facing, come up with a plan about how to deal with them, maybe tell someone else about your plan or ask for help, and then do it.

God families are just lovely. You go on a diet, go on a visit, and the first thing they wanna do is visit all you can eat buffets. I put 4 pounds back on when I visited my family. And they ate at no less than 6 all you can eat buffets in a week. Was good to get home and back to my "daily" living lifestyle.

As Meg said, plan ahead. Visualize what foods will be where you are going. If its a buffet, and you have to go, plan ahead and give yourself a general plan of something like '2 salads, one starch, one protein, one dessert' or whatever. even amounts. Then stick to it. You might even now write up a default plan for any unforseen future eating event. 'one drink, one appetizer, one salad, one starch, one protein, no desssert'. Or whatever fits with your lifestyle.

Years ago just before my first thanksgiving in control, I knew what was going to be served, and decided which were my absolute favorites, and what I would die without. (roast turkey dinner is my absolute favorite meal). I did not consider nutrition at all, just avoiding getting stuffed. My faves were/are thigh meat, stuffing, m.potatoes, and gravy. I passed on everything else except salad. No bread, no veggie, no appetizers, no cranberry, etc. I also love pumpkin pie, and I asked for a piece to take home with me for later. This is now my ritual every year. It may not be the healthiest meal, but its only once or twice/year. I do not overeat as in the past, and I have the absolute best of my favorite meal. And I am happy the next day.

Another thing to consider if you know there are emotional things spurring you to eat, such as the election results, a bad day at work, or anything else, try to separate the feelings from the food. There are bad things that happen in everybody's life from now and forever, and all to often we try to use food to medicate us from unpleasant feeling states. We have learned to do this so automatically, we dont always know its happening. And food will never be that effective, though it does distract us and, if nothing else, gets us to focus again on how bad we feel about overeating instead of what is really bothering us. If you can, try to focus directly on the unpleasant feeling state, and if you can, experience that without trying to distract yourself. Reframe it if necessary to put it into better context. Or just cry if necessary. That is cathartic. This may seem silly, but it does work. Bad feeling states do not last forever if you deal with them directly instead of inserting food into the void. It doesnt belong there.

Deal with emotional issues with emotional/mental solutions. Deal with physical hunger with food.

Progress, not perfection.

Jan

Thanks, you guys. I think you're right, Meg. I think on an unconscious level, I really did expect something to be different about me... but now I know that environment is *so important* to my success.

Upon reflection, I'm also thinking that in some ways, since the in-laws are also overweight and dieting, everybody self-sabotages so we don't seem to be judging others' eating choices. It's not that anybody really out-and-out pushed food on me, but I think I felt uncomfortable turning down, say, the Bloomin' Onion at Outback because it was "fun" (and if I didn't eat eat at least a little, I was being judgmental of those who did). There has to be some way I can quietly eat on track without a big production, right?

You're right, Meg. I'm going to have to plan, plan, plan, especially when I go to my mom's house at Thanksgiving. My husband and I have talked about maybe doing the shopping/cooking for us all as much as possible, which will be relaxing for my mom and allow us to make healthier food in sensible portions. I am going to make a deal with myself that if I make the right choices often enough, I can "earn" one free (-ish) meal at my favorite Mexican restaurant in the world I'm also definitely going to log my food this time. I think if I'd done that in Florida, seeing the number of calories I was eating right in front of me would have helped me put on the brakes earlier.

And Jansan, you're totally right about the emotional eating. I'm convinced that was a big part of my meltdown, too.

Anyway, thank you all so much for your advice. The good news is that it appears I gained only a pound. But it certainly put the fear of God in me!!!!