Hi there...

I'll get right to it, I am 23, married, 2 girls and 339lbs.

That being said...I am so scared to be thin! I figured this out recently. I was given Dr. Phil's book, read it, did the steps and found out a lot about myself. I am following Atkins though, I hate counting calories, so for the time being, this is my route

I have always been a control freak, but I won't admit it. I grew up in a pretty unstable household, and food was my only constant, the only thing I could control. But I am not blaming my childhood. I guess I kinda "got off" on being able to say, uh yeah, I AM going to eat that and you can't stop me.

So now that I have come to realize this, I am completely scared. I don't know what it is like to be thin, or thinner. There is a ton of stuff I am looking forward to, but an equal amount that I am not. Is that weird? I always know that people are thinking, God, she is FAT. But what am I going to do when I don't know they are thinking that? That sounded a bit more paranoid than it is meant. You guys understand right? So anywho, that is a bit about me, I will drop by often, hope to meet some nice people

-Rene

Hello Rene
I went through the same thing. Scared to be thin. Yeah I know how weird it sounds but your not alone. Things were really crazy when I was growing up(not blaming mine either). Left me with a lot of baggage. It wasn't till my Mother past away that I realized that I really had some problems that I needed to work out. My first step was admitting I was scared, and then figuring why? I just had to get real with myself. I needed to get healthy for myself and my children. And outing yourself is a good start. It's hard to admit that losing weight will change you. Will it be for the better. Am I going to become one of those people I hate. It's easier to just stay the same and say to yourself "Well at least I'm not as fat as her." It's a long hard ride you have to be in it to win it . And you wouldn't have come here if you didn't want to win. I hope to see you on the boards. From one Big Loser to another
God Bless

Boy, do I know how you both feel. I grew up in a very unstable home too, and I think food for me was a way to "turn off" emotionally, when things were painful. I have not read any books about weight loss, but one thing I did figure out about myself was this: I developed very early, and had breasts when I was like 10 and periods at 11 etc, and I was VERY uncomfortable with the way the boys were looking at me which is understandable since I was just a kid! But, I noticed I began eating to almost cover up my sexuality, and I have done this all through my marriage. I am scared to death about what losing weight will mean in my marriage, and sex life. That is SO backwards! Even though I am large, hubby and I always enjoyed an active sex life, but *always* with lights out, and certain routines, like staying partially dressed, to cover myself, and stuff like that, so I feel kind of weird about how that will change for us. I am also afraid of other men looking at me. I suppose other women would be flattered, I would just be embarrassed I think because I am very shy. Lot's of other fears of how things might be if I become thin, but I guess I am just telling myself that it will work out as I go along. I have decided that I will allow myself to actually feel some of those feelings I tried so hard to repel with food, deal with them and move on somehow. I pray a lot and just have faith that God will help me when those things come up. We get so conditioned in how we deal with feelings, that losing weight for me will be very much losing old emotional and mental crutches as well

WOW! If you could combined the three of you it would be ME!

I am 38 (feel late 20ish), 5'10" and today I found out that my wieght is the biggest it's ever been. 350!!! Needless to say I am in a state of ...well all sorts of emotions. I want to cry, but I am mad. I am scared, but determined. I dunno~HELP!

I am a single mother of 2 young children and a full time student. I recently went thru a heartbreaking divorce.And now my exhusband is re-enacting my childhood all over again with my two.

My weight has served many purposes. One is for protection. I have suffered for sexual abuse in my past, so as SkinnyDreams said , I am afraid to lose weight. And then I had overly dominant parents who thought I should recite everything I ate to them each night I got home. And were constantly telling me what I "Should do"! So now I am very rebellious. If it is not my idea I will not do it.

Okay with all of this said I am very aware that I am a full grown woman who is ultimately responsible for her own actions. I am more honest and more willing to be honest with myself than I have ever been.

So I guess what I am trying to say is I have had ENOUGH!!!! I am ready to shed this rebellous body of fear and anger and get on with it. My situation is now though that I have gone on sooooooo many diets in my life time that I find myself at a point of confussion of how and where to start. So I will just start somewhere and if I need to back up then so be it.

I too just purchased the Dr.Phil diet book and so far I am really liking it. I mean, I like the authenticity of it.

Getting REAL is what I think it will take for me. Which leads me to why I joined 3FC tonight. I think I am really going to need a support group and I want to witness others doing it, so that I might be evermore inspired as to not give up. I have 200lbs to lose and I do not think I have ever lost more than 30-40lbs at any one time in my life. So even though I am determined I am realistic enough to know I am going to need help! Both from God and others.

I know this will be one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. But I feel with lots of support I have a better chance of success.

ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!!!!
And 350 is more than ENOUGH!!!!!!

God Bless~

I developed early and remember men leering at me when I was just a child. My mother was frigid and thought sex was dirty. She made me feel dirty because of the way perverted men would look at me. God! What our parents do to us!

Years ago, when Dr. Dean Odel had a tv show, he had one episode that dealt with obesity and he stated that over 90 percent of grossly obese women have been sexually assaulted. Erasing our sexuality is definitely, I think, part of the reason we manage to tolerate being overweight.

There is also the notion that thin is weak and unhealthy. I know I grew up thinking chunky babies and kids were healthy and skinny ones were not. It's hard to get those ideas out of our heads.

The only thing I've managed to do to reprogram myself is to take note of thin people and how many of them appear to be strong, physically and spiritually. There are quite a few thin women who intimidate me with their strong personalities (good and bad), so I have to rethink.

I was not sexually abused, or abused in any other way. My childhood was mostly sane and definitely stable. Still, I was always overweight, and grew to be more and more overweight as life went on. I loved food, and used food in a lot of ways that people do. I have a slightly obsessive-compulsive side. Basically, I am a compulsive overeater. Finally at 39 I became frightened of future health problems and, at 339, decided it was time to do something. I did not have a goal of being "thin" as I had with previous weight loss efforts. I thought getting under 300 pounds would be an accomplishment, and then I'd go from there. Currently, over 2 1/2 years later, I'm 198 and still going down.

All of that to say ... I had a lot of the same worries. When I allowed myself to think about possibly getting down to a normal weight, I realized it was a scary idea, as scary as it was exciting. I have always existed in the world as a seriously overweight person, it is an essential definition of who I am. I am sure I am not even aware of all the ways it has affect how I move through the world, but I have discovered some along the way. So yes, your apprehension is real, and not uncommon.

Losing weight is all about getting out of your comfort zone. You can't use food the way you used to -- that's uncomfortable, you have to find substitutes for whatever food does for you now. You have to start moving, exercising -- that's weird and hateful and uncomfortable (to start with). You have to start dealing with challenges, thinking ahead, planning. You can no longer live by your whims. You have to face that the way that you think, the way you react to situations, may need to change if you want to be successful. All of these things are damned uncomfortable. Learning to live with a thinner body is also uncomfortable, as joyous as it may be at times, as much as that's what common sense would say we should want. But, as someone who is close to "the other side," all I can say is that it is WORTH IT. It isn't worth it just because I have a thinner body. That, too, but ... this process brings so many positive changes that you won't believe it. I no longer fear physical activity. I LIKE doing things outside, so I've been able to enjoy stunning parks in my city I'd never visited before. Food, while still important (for new reasons), is no longer the center of everything I do. I'm no longer ashamed (or definant) when eating around other people. I feel healthier, I feel BETTER, not only because of losing weight but because I've learned that "hungry" isn't ravenous and "full" isn't overstuffed to the point of a coma. My knees don't hurt any more. I can fit into theater seats and airplane seats -- I don't need a seatbelt extension.

If you have underlying issues, such as abuse, that you feel have lead to your being overweight, then by all means get thee to a therapist. You will never really conquer the weight until you have a handle on what happened to you and you have some professional guidance on how to deal with it. Otherwise, trying to lose weight will just increase your stress, not reduce it. And, a counselor can help you cope with the concept of existing as a thinner person, and help you work through those issues.

I want to recommend a few books. I do think the Dr. Phil book is good, although I'm not his biggest fan. Another book is called Fattitudes and deals with the ways we keep ourselves fat, and how to break out of them. Next, The Thin Books was written by a member of Overeaters Anonymous, and is a godsend for people who have compulsive eating issues. I can't recommend it highly enough. Last, Passing for Thin is by a woman who is also an OA member. She was overweight most of her life, and she alludes to some sexual issues from childhood, although she never spells them out. She walks us through her decision to join OA, the process of losing the weight, and the process of becoming and being a person of normal size.

I had lost over 80 pounds and sadly put most of it back on. Anyway, I know part of my problem is that I will get unwanted advances from men. I am happily married and am very offended when a man whom I have no romantic interest decides that he wants to make nice. Anyway I have decided to go ahead and attempt to relose the 80 pounds and just ignore silly men. I read a book years ago and the woman who wrote the book lost a tremendous amount of weight and she said that she came home one day and saw a coat that she used to wear and she just sat there and cried and cried. She was mourning the Fat Edna. She mourned her, mourned her because she was no more, mourned all the things that made her fat, mourned all her hurts and sadness, so WHEN you reach your goal and one day suddenly find yourself sad and are not quite sure why, it may be that you are mourning for the end of your former self. I will keep you and all the people on this site in my daily prayers. God Bless You.

Oh my gosh, it is so nice to know I am not the only one scared!! I always felt that my being scared was soooo stupid. I was never sexually abused, however my mother was and is mentally ill so that is what I grew up with.

My husband is very supportive, but destructive at the same time. He is the one to give in and go get something that is a total no no. I think he is scared of what will happen to our marriage, but he is my soul mate, so I am not scared about that.

To be totally honest, I have NEVER had a man hit on me, my husband and I were best friends, so it just developed from that.

This makes me feel so much better In a "yeah everyone feels crappy too" sorta way lol *well not crappy, but you know what I mean*

Then you DEFININTELY need to read Fattitudes. There is even a chapter in there for you to give to your husband to read, that talks about how to deal with changes in the relationship due to weight loss, and how to support you.

Hi all, it sounds like most of you are just at the beginning of your journeys and you're right, this can be downright scary! If you're like me and spent your whole life hiding behind your extra pounds then the thought of not being invisible anymore can be a bit overwhelming. I worked so hard to avoid any kind of attention all my life that when I started losing, the attention I began receiving, albeit good, kind of freaked me out. This is such a huge thing you're doing, and if you're truly committed and ready for it, it will touch almost every aspect of your life. For someone like me, who doesn't like change, it can certainly be very hard to deal with. But, OTOH, if this were easy then none of us would have a weight problem, right? This journey is going to be full of changes and new experiences. At times you will be uncomfortable and scared and just plain ready to give up, but if you only take one thing from this post, take this; never, ever give up! The rewards you will receive from emerging from your shell are unimaginable. You've got the chance, right now, to take control of your life and live it to the fullest. Each and every one of you deserves nothing less than complete happiness. Please take seriously, the idea that this is a "lifestyle change" and right now you have the opportunity to make your life whatever you want it to be. Good luck in your journeys and take it from someone who’s been where you are now, this really can be done and all the hard work is so worth it!

Beverly

Hi, I was reading all of this thread and realised that this was me about 3 years ago. i was unhappy and hid behind my weight which was ever growing but something happened about 3 months ago i realised that i was happy (for the first time since i was a child) and with this realisation came the revelation that i owed myself to look good and have found it much easier to lose weight. i think it helps because i know that my happiness is not dependent on losing weight so in a sense i can't fail. i wish you all luck in your weight loss journey and hope you all can find your own happiness.

I am going to get that book I think. Thanks!

I think this is one of those things that we need to think about, so that we're not taken completely by surprise. But, I think you CAN panic yourself into staying fat. Yes, it's scary. And yes, there will be people who like you when you are thin who wouldn't have liked you or paid any attention to you when you were fat. Again, though, it's worth it. Whatever changes you go through, whatever issues and philosophical points you have to struggle with ... getting to a healthy weight is worth it. You may not feel ready, but you will NEVER feel ready. You just have to start the process, and trust that, in time, with experience, you'll figure it all out.

Having been overweight all my life -- and still only a 16/18 as I mentioned -- I'm essentially going through things that most people go through in their teens. Figuring out boys, learning how to give myself a pedicure and not get polish all over my toes, learning how to interact with strangers in a pleasant way, etc. But, as awkward as I feel sometimes, and as unsettling as some of this is, I wouldn't give it up for the world. Staying in my comfort zone by staying fat is something I did for WAY too long. If I'd known then what I know now ... I woulda gotten rid of this weight when I was 19, instead of at 39.

Hi,
I understand , you being scared. I'm scared too. But my fear is not of being thin:My fear is never being thin again , and never knowing that feeling again that I use to have. Just to be able to go to the store and pick up an outfit and know that it will fit perfect, not being able to go to the beach with my family , constantly struggling with the question : Why is my husband still with me ? I look awwful so whats keeping him here? Im just scared of never having people look at me when I enter a room (and saying )you look great. Because now when I walk into a room , there is only stares:and you can tell that most of my friends are thinking (God what has she done to herself)or they give you the line about how they didnt even recongize me. I never had a wieght problem," I was one of the lucky girls". But then my back give away on me , I had to have a spinal fusion and I became unactive . I hardly ever moved from my recliner , because it just hurt to bad to move. I take alot of pain medicines which I think slow my system down . And to add to that , Im so depressed. I am only 30 years old but I feel like I am 105. But I hope that this forum will help me to get the support that I need to change my life. Well I should say take my life back. I know its not going to be easy at all , but I have made my mind up that I dont want to live like this any longer.
I am new to this forum so I will try to post soon to let you all know a little about me . I look foward to getting to know you . I just read you post and I had to reply , because I know how it feels to be scared out of your mind. I better be going , you hang in there girl.
Love,
Dixie

Wow, thats all I can say is WoW. I have read all the other post and there's so many things from each I can relate to. What goes through the human mind! I'm sitting at my desk and I feel as if I want to cry.It's amazing what a layer of fat can do to a person.
God Bless