you guys, i was doing pretty good, bought a couple of geneen roth books and was committed to tackling my real issues. i was good for about a week - eating only when hungry and accepting myself. i had a really stressful weekend (good stress actually) and fell off the wagon - HARD. i discovered that i am up yet another clothing size and cannot bring myself to buy clothes in that size. i have been eating when not hungry for the last three days and i feel awful about myself. i got on the scale at work today (since i got rid of mine at home) and it looks like i've gained another 5 or so lbs. i feel out of control and scared again and like a big failure. i don't want to go outside or see anybody and am really self-concious about the (growing) size of my ***. thanks for listening to me. my thoughts are racing and i feel desperate. i'm sorry. i feel pathetic and like a failure. i know in my head that i am more that the numbers on my clothing tag or on a scale and yet i cannot seem to internalize this yet. please help me focus on something or know what step(s) to take.

#1: Don't step on a scale again until you are sure you can look beyond the numbers.
#2: Buy yourself some new clothes in the right size. You are not fooling anyone by squeezing into clothes that are a size too small; in fact, it's just making you look more foolish.

Most importantly: You're not pathetic. You're not a failure. The inside changes you're working on are the result of a lifetime of programming. It's going to take more than a week to get yourself deprogrammed. If you have to, "fake it 'til you make it." And keep coming back.

thanks for replying. i was feeling really desperate. i agree with you about getting new clothes. i had listened to the advice of some well meaning friends who said "don't get anything new or you will fill those out too". i feel like walking around in clothes that are uncomfortable and make me self-concious is punishing myself - the very habit i am trying to break. i can get a slew of things at old navy, target and thrift stores without spending much money. besides, i've found it helps my self esteem to look nice every day.

i will swear off getting on the scale for the time being. and continue to work on making real changes.

thanks you. you have no idea how much your reply helped me today.

I've been reading Geneen's books too, and I'm nowhere near re-programmed yet. Remember to be kind to yourself. Buy new clothes, wear red, all that stuff she recommends. And keep coming back!

You guys are awesome! Do you know how much recovery I see in your words. We are human, it is going to take awhile to unprogram our incorrect thinking. Heres a new one I have heard lately, "God made the vessel that is my body, who am I to hate it, abuse it, and love it less than He (She) does"

Something to think about.
Chris