Well ladies, I thought this would be an interesting topic for discussion. Some girls at work and I were talking about this the other day... Do you find that since you gained weight, it resulted in a lower sex drive?

I understand that not all may want to participate in this thread for personal reasons, but that's fine. I'm just wondering, as I think me being overweight is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I feel like I have next to no sex drive at all and its really frustrating him. I try and explain that I don't feel good about myself, and am very self-concious but he says he doesn't care how I look and that he loves me.

Just wondering what you're experiences have been and any advice you may have to offer.

Thanks,

Having kids is what affected mine I have to say it came back when Lilly was about 4 months old, long enough for me to get preggo with William and lose it all again. It's back sooner this time but trying to find the time is our problem.

I think you are onto something when you talk about your self image and being self-conscious. I've never really been self-conscious about my weight...just in certain situations.
I think there are some studies out there that say the extra fat does something to the hormones that can cause your drive to decrease but not sure on that.

I agree with the self image problem lowering sex drive because I used to feel that way. Nowadays even though I weigh over 300 I feel sexy and have a high sex drive, my "man whore" tells me I'm horny all the time and he can't keep up

In my opinion, talking from personal experience....absolutely!!!!!!

For me, if you feel crappy about yourself, and /or physically feel crappy...wo wants to have sex...last thing on my mind. Besides, if I feel like I can barely look at myself without feeling so disgusted...how will hubby feel (obviously since he is the one usually wanting some....he is not disgusted... ) but, are you following me. Also, as part of this cycle, as I ate, I became depressed (for more than just that reason per se) but as I became depressed, I would be medicated with antidepressents that shot my sex drive to ****. SO, it is all connected...again yes to the original question.

Man, last time I lost weight, I soon got preggo....what is gonna happen this time ??

Yet again, great post!

Every time my Aunt lost her post-baby weight & 15 extra pounds to boot, BAM! She got pregnant again.

It's all in your head, babe. Guys aren't thinking about the flab on your thighs or the jiggle in your upper arms. Really. They're not.

Yes, fat lowers my sex drive. Mine pretty much disappeared after I had Sara. I had to sound to visual - but we can only do it so many ways now!! (dh needs to lose 100lbs too)
He is still just as horny though. I'm guessing that most men never lose the drive!!!

i have no idea! i was always fat, ever since i started with the first boyfriend (i'm 23, mind you, so it's only been a few years).

sometimes i think it's gone up now that i've lost a lot of weight, but sometimes i still don't want it much. sometimes i don't KNOW that i want it until he intiates. david's drive has gone up as i have lost the weight - he finds me sexier. and we can do it in more ways than one now... and i can't wait until we have even more options.

I have always been fat but my sex drive took a dive after kids. But a major influence for me is if I FEEL attactive. If I feel like I am attractive I am much more receptive to sex and occasionally initiate it. My sex life has improved since I lost weight but alot of the time i am too tired for it or the kids interupt. I hope that as they get older it gets better!

I have always had a very high sex drive, no matter what I weighed. it has made some things a bit more difficult, but overall, it hasn't affected me!!!!

Good for you Sandi! hmmmmm, as I am reading this thread, I am thinking that we 100 pound clubbers are really a bunch of horndawgs behind all this flab....LOL!

Gina:

Br00klyn - I wish I had some advice to share, but I am in the same boat as you. I have NO sex drive. I KNOW the reason is because I do not feel good about myself. When I lost weight the first time, everything seemed to be normal again, because I was feeling good about my body. Now I just feel horrible, and don't want my bf to look at me. This is causing A LOT of strain on the both of us unfortunatly. He gets upset with me, and I get upset because he is upset with me. Sometimes I wish he would just understand, but he doesn't. Like your bf, he tells me that he likes me the way I am. Problem is....I don't.

Br00klyn-

Feeling comfortable with yourself isn't always an easy thing ( skinny or not)none the less feeling comfortable naked with your boyfriend. I felt that way with my boyfriend (husband now). Eventually it does subside. Here are a few tricks that helped me overcome being so self consious. Do with minimal lighting, wear a cute T-shirt- he can pull it up to your neck but when you get up or the lights come back on you'll be safe! Stretch yourself out on the bed and "feel sexy" Sounds corny but it works. I have always been overweight since knowing my husband and I eventually came to terms with the fact that I had a blubber belly and jello butt.. But you can still be very sexy.. And truthfully, your boyfriend truly loves you know matter what.. After you loose even a few pounds your interpretation of yourself will change and you will feel more comfortable and the sex drive will return!!

God, I love sex.

I'm with Holly here. I've always been fat. And I've always had a soaringly high sex drive. It's ridiculous. Mostly, I know that's because I have a ridiculously high self-esteem. I mean, look at the name. I know I'm a Goddess. And I'll be happy to tell you if you don't know.

However, I will readily admit there are times when my sex drive plummets, and it's usually related to feeling bad about my weight. This weekend, I came back from a great time in San Francisco (where we were lovin' like rabbits) and we reviewed the digital photos and I was like, "OMG, I look so fat!" and I did not want to fool around. When the Cute Boyfriend asked what was wrong I told him and he tried his darndest to prove me wrong. It's good to have a supportive boyfriend (Holly can vouch for this one, I'm sure).

When I'm feeling down and out, I'm happy to whip through the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (a book I bought from one of my favorite sites) and pick up a few pointers to try out. Good Vibrations was founded by women and tend to be very women oriented.

Thanks for all the input you guys!

I think it is to do with the extra weight, when we first moved in together I was a size 14 and couldn't get enough sex... Anytime, Anywhere (well almost...

All the more reason to lose this flab... And get back to my sexy self.