Hey ladies,

Welcome Lisa! Of course we do not mind having you. Until a couple days ago I hadn't posted here in about 6-8 months. We enjoy having new people to talk to and support (or have them support us ).

So far today is going good with my eating. I plan on going to subway for lunch. I'm getting hungry but I'm going to wait 1/2 hour before I go out.

Belle did you hear back from the vet? What happened?

Lori

Morning Lori! and welcome Lisa! We are always happy to have new people join our little support network.

Belle - I know you might not feel like posting today but try to let us know what's up and how you're doing...

Lori - I love subway. But I always want the Tuna and that is one high point sub.

Tonight is Thursday potluck and I have put myself in charge of veggies again. At least this way I know there will be something there I can eat. My niece has been admitted to the hospital for IV antiboitics. She's not rejecting the new kidney but it's not functioning as well as it should be and to top it off, she's got a lung infection that isn't clearing up. Hopefully a couple of days on strict antiboitics will see her get better. On the bright side, I went shopping last night and I can still shop in the "regular" sized clothing. I was worried that I had gained too much and was back in plus sizes. Shopping always makes me commit harder to stay OP. Better get some stuff done. I'll check back in later.

KT

Where is everyone today?

I've been super-busy the last few days, but I'll try to pop in tomorrow--I'll be home all day to transition to nights. Belle, I'm thinking of you and hope everything is OK!!

Barney is gone to doggy- heaven. The vet said, he lost more weight - down to 13kg, even though he was eating so much adn looked fat (bloated) the past few weeks. With his seizures, he had something going on in his head, and he was really old...his heart condition was worsening and he coughed all the time. So in the end, I agreed to let him go. The vet said I could give him "rescue meds" for his heart to keep him comfy over the weekend, but I didn't want to be selfish and let him suffer. Although, he was a happy dog- he still loved food and cuddlin. But on his last walk, he was stumbling, and having problems walking. He wasn't really Barney anymore. I knew he wanted to do the things he did, but his body was old and broken.

Having said that, I still feel the tremendous guilt...he just wanted to come home with me and I would have run and never come back with him. But the truth is, I would have been back, one or two weeks later, with a very lame dog. That is, if he didn't have a seizure and die from it. I couldn't let him go in pain - I wanted a peaceful goodbye. So I held him in my arms, and DF and my mom were at his face, kissing him and petting him and we let him go to sleep.

The vet told me after that he was medically ready to go long ago, and that she was medicating him to make him comfy so we could enjoy him more. I just wasn't ready yesterday. I am still not ready. I have been hysterical most of the day.

My mom is with me (has been all day) and I am trying to enjoy Bella, our other dog, but it's hard to forget Barney.

Please say a prayer, if you beileve in doggy-heaven, that Barney made it there safe and is happy, and found all the other good dogs to play with.

Don't have much time to post but i wanted to send Belle a hug! Hang in there Belle! We are here for you...

Belle - You don't ever have to forget Barney!! There will always be a part of him in every dog you ever see. I hope you're doing a bit better...

KT

Thanks guys...this is the worst day I think I have ever been through. When Muffy, my childhood dog died, he was so sick, he couldn't drink. I knew in my heart it was right. And my mom made the final decision. This was mine. I signed the papers. I let them take his life away.

I feel like Barney is mad at me in heaven I feel like he can't understand why I let him die. I miss him so much, I can't even begin to tell you how I feel. I wish I could tell him I am sorry and I loved him and I would have done anything to keep him well and happy and young.

Does this ever get easier? Right now I feel like the hurt and greif will never go away. I dread tonight, trying to sleep, when I can't settle down. I keep getting heart palpitations. I want him to forgive me.

I know some of you will think I am nuts feeling this way over a dog. But to me, Barney was part of the family. He was there when I cried over bad boyfriends, friends that dumped me, he was there for my late night study sessions, or when I was sick. He was the best kind of friend, who was always happy when I came home and content just to sit with me.

I just really miss him.