Hello

I need some help here, I don't know if I am a compulsive overeater or not.

I will tell you about myself. I haven't been overweight all my life, it basically started after I quit smoking. I am a compulsive person though and have struggled with various addictions and mini-addictions all my life. I have been to OA but my sponsor said do you realize most people would think you are a normal weight for your height? She also fired me because I wouldn't do a strict weighing and measuring program. I turned to a twelve step program because I have gotten help with my other problem there so I don't know if I ever belonged there or not. I didn't relate to eating food out of the garbage and some of the other stuff people shared about.

So anyway, I am obsessed with my weight and body size. I journal, and I looked back and when I weighed 125-130 I was upset and trying to lose weight. (This was before I quit smoking) Am I nuts or what? I wish I weighed that now. I now weigh 143 after doing the SBD for about 2 months. I'm 5'5", I have a big belly and feel uncomfortable and want to weigh less.

Here's what happens to me. Since I quit smoking 4 years ago, I gained some weight, my top weight was 156. I went to WW and lost 17 pounds and then gained it back. I went on SBD and have lost 10 pounds. So I do really good for a while and then I eat things without any thought whatsoever that I feel bad about eating later. The other night I ate Ben and Jerry's and a couple pieces of cake. I felt guilty in the morning, a couple days later I ate some spice cake my mom made, a huge piece of it.

I feel like life is to be enjoyed and i can't see eliminating sugar or any other food completely out of my life forever. I want to reach goal and then eat junk once in a while.

Do you think I have an eating disorder? Am I a compulsive eater? An emotional overeater?

Help
Thanks
Tracy

Hi Tracy,

No one here can decide for you or if you have an eating disorder. There are clinical definitions that seem to apply, you can find those on the top of the forum.

Are you sure it was OA and not RFA? OA neither endorses nor denies any individual of their own food plan. There is no rules to follow, and the goal is simple: To Abstain from Compulsive Overeating. Some people have no specified triggers except for volume and they are able to eat "junk" without the repercussions. For most of us this is not true, one little something sweet,or salty or whatever and we are off to the races. This is where some of the food ideas come from. Its kinda like your smoking. Do you think you could stay quit if you smoked "every once in a while"

If you think you are one of us Welcome and please join us in our Daily Thread.
Miss Chris

Hi Miss Chris,


It was OA but it was a separate chapter or plan, I can't remember the name of it. No sugar, white flour, etc. It was a food plan and you had to call your food in daily. I felt bad for being fired by her but maybe she figured I wasn't willing enough to go to any lengths.

I guess size and weight of a person doesn't determine if you are a compulsive eater or not. I think I read that in your description of a compulsive overeater. That is my denial hitch, my size, even though I'm obsessed with my weight and food.

Thanks for responding, I will read posts and join in sometimes.

Tracy

Hey Tracy -

A person can have a "normal" sized body and still suffer from an eating disorder. It's not about how you look, it's about how you relate to food. When I was at my thinnest, which was "only" a size 8, I looked normal. But my actions around food were definitely not normal! I would binge and starve...I would only eat certain food combinations...I would "exercise binge"...the list is long!

Keep coming back,
Jennelle

Thanks, Jennelle. You are so right. I do have an obsession/eating disorder, I was made aware just recently. Someone recommended a website by Constance Rhodes, she wrote "Life Inside The Thin Cage" and she describes people just like me. I'm not hugely overweight, in my estimation it's about 10 more pounds. I just lost ten pounds, and then the little binges took over. I think about food and weight all the time, eating is not pleasurable because I'm always thinking about it being the wrong thing, too many calories, too many carbs, too much sugar etc. I feel like a failure because I can't reach my goal weight, I feel weak and wimpy. I have low self-esteem and don't know where to get it. I am a kook, I so want to lose weight and then the Ben and Jerry's in the freezer calls to me.

I can't imagine totally giving up sugar for the rest of my life though or certain foods. My mom is married to a chef and our family gets together and eats. They are not fat or weight obsessed, it is just a companiable fun thing we do, so do I go deprivation and join OA and bring my own food. That is what I am afraid of because I went to OA before and I couldn't follow the strict plan, it felt like another deprivation diet thing to me. I don't know how you guys do it, when I went to OA my sponsor didn't even have cake on her own birthday.

I just want to have a normal relationship with food, and not be so obsessed.

Thanks so much for letting me go on and on and on.

Tracy

Tracy -

I don't know what OA you went to, but OA doesn't have a diet that you "have" to follow. The only requirement to be in OA is a desire to stop eating compulsively.

As far as not ever eating cake or chocolate again....Lordy, girl, if I thought of it as NEVER, I'd probably hang myself! Seriously, I have to think of it as "just for today" or there's no way I could do it. It's funny that you mention birthday cake because just the other day I was thinking about my birthday (which isn't until June) and I started getting seriously depressed over the fact that I would not be eating cake. Thankfully, my HP voice in my head whispered, "Why are you thinking three months ahead? Cross that bridge when you come to it. Worry about today."

Keep coming back
Jennelle

I second everything Jenelle said. Whatever you were going to it's not any OA I know about. And definitely one day at a time and turning the compulsions to obess over is a beautiful thing.

Miss Chris

Hugs to you and welcome, Tracy! These ladies have a lot of wisdom; I learn something everyday.

Was your sponsor trying to get you to do OA grey sheet abstinence? I've read some about this online and it sounds a lot like you describe.

Please join us on the daily thread!

Hugs,
Christy

Hi Christy,

The OA that my sponsor got involved with had a specific name that I cannot remember, I live in Reno and this was a Sacramento group that she got involved with. It was very regimented. I have seen her and she has actually lost her weight and seems to have peace of mind. I couldn't do it. I just had a bad experience there. I am involved in other 12 step groups so I know the power and love usually found there.

I think what is so funny is that through all this dieting, etc. I have developed some good habits. I used to eat fast food and now I can't stand it. We have had issues here in Reno about Norwalk's virus which is a foodborne illness so now I'm disgusted thinking about people in those places handling my food. I also have somewhat lost my appetite for beef due to e coli and mad cow disease and the last diet that I was doing felt healthy and good to me, instead of crazy. It was lots of fresh vegies, fruits and lean protein, I find I like to eat that way. I just crave sugar sometimes. I don't know and can't identify the emotional aspect to my eating. I do think I use food for pleasure and comfort and need to find other comforts.

I am working all this stuff out here, so thanks for listening to me

Tracy