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I lost my Will Power a long time ago!!

#1

GreeneyedFaith , 02-04-2004 05:26 AM

Hello everyone,
First of I am not a new member. But, I am fairly new to posting in here. I try and I give up and so I haven't really been here that much.
First of all I feel that I might be seeking support too much. Like almost wearing out my welcome to get support. And I hope that none of you will feel that way of me.
I am at a tough time in my life where I can say I hate myself. Until now I was not able to list my weight in any other post that I have posted. I am devestated. I weigh 298lbs!!!!! This body has become my shell. And I want to shed it so bad, but I have absolutely no will power. I use to a long long time ago. But I have to find it desprately. I have so many problems to worry about with being over weight.

-Depression
-axiety
-Chance of Diabetes since I had two gestational pregnancies.
-Heart I have a family history of heart trouble. My 27 year old sister had a stroke this past summer. My mother had a stroke 3 years ago (she is 47) My grandmother had many and finally died of a heart attack.

These are the three major reasons. But basically I just want to live. To stop avoiding events because I am big. I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful children to live for. I have so much I still want to do.

My biggest break through has been a phone call from the doctor who performs gastroplasty. I have been on the waiting list for 1 year to date. And now I have a an apointment for a consultation which is where I find out if I will be accepted for this surgery. Yes I am very scared. I really am scared. I did see a plastic surgery about a tummy tuck, but was refused because I need to be at my adequate body weight which is about 160.

Although I am heavy in weight, I wear it well. If there is such a thing. My fat is in my stomache and arms. Everywhere else, I am happy with. My stomache will never go back in the right place. Which is why i wanted the tummy tuck to take away a apron of fat. That is my insecurity. This fat that hangs off my stomache. God bless my husband who tells me he loves me anyways. But, I can't believe him when I look at myself and I see disgust.

I guess I am afraid of the surgery because right now I have a serious habbit of eating popcorn every night and downing diet coke all day long. Water>? What is that?

How can I find my will power and do what is right? Every night I go to bed late and I start to think: "tomorrow I will start. I will walk, drink water and ear right!" But the next day rolls around, I miss breakfast. I start to eat for the first time around 2pm and then I go to bed in the wee hours of the morning. Like right now it is 3:12am. I am still up. Its like my days are backwards. What do I need to do to get out of this routine? And activity for me is none. Right now it is winter. I hate winter and the cold. So I have no winter activities. Summer I tend to lose weight because I like swimming, softball, camping and all the summer fun things. I get out.

I have thought on many occassions of join Aqua-arobics which is being offered in the winter in indoor pools. I did it 6 years ago before my daughter was born. I was doing weight watchers and lost 18lbs. Then I got preggo! That is actually the last time I have put my mind to winning the battle of the bulge.

I need support. I need people who understand. I need a friend.

Islandgurl29

Current Weight: 298
Weight to lose: 138lbs
Goal Wieght: 160lbs
#2

mthrgoos68 , 02-04-2004 12:46 PM

Islandgurl, Welcome! You've made a great start just by coming here and realizing that you do need help. The surgery is a great tool to help you lose the weight, but you still have to exercise and choose your food carefully or it won't be successful. You can read a lot about it in our Weight Loss Surgery forums. The people that post in there have lots of wisdom and advice.

Come and post with us in the 100 lb. Club too. We all have or had 100 pounds or more to lose so we understand the struggles that you're dealing with. You need to know that you're not alone and that we are here to help you.

Just take one day at a time. Try to change one thing each week, or one thing each month. Make it your goal to drink your water every day for one week. Just change that one thing. Then next week you continue to do that, but also change one thing, such as eating a healthy breakfast each day.

It's not easy, and it's not always fun, but we're here to help you get healthy.
#3

3kidsworthlosin4 , 02-04-2004 01:22 PM

Hi,
Boy do we have a lot in common. I had a baby in July but at my first doctor appointment they weighed me in at 281. By the time I had my baby beautiful girl I was at 298. I to had gestational diabetes with my last pregenecy, but I think what finally did it for me was that my uncle had died a week before I had my daughter of a heart attack at the age of 47. My father at the age of 43 at my grandfather at the age of 38 both died of heart attacks and I just knew I had to break this ugly cycle for me and my family. I do not want my children to ever have to worry about their weight. Especially my little girl I know what it is like to be a fat girl. So I made a decission to just change the way I eat and the way I cook for my family. I never realized how many calories were in the foods I use to make every day. Today I am proud to say that I am at 226, proud because when I was about to hit 300 I did not think I could do it. I am doing it one day at a time. I derserve it and so does my family. Also you talked about exercise I personally like my richard Simmons tapes. You can do it at the pace that is right for you and he gives me quite the work out. I know you can do it.
Good luck
#4

Trouble_in_China , 02-09-2004 07:16 AM

I understand what you mean with the diet coke habit, although for me it's just plain old coke-classic. Water? What's that?

I'm slowly giving up coke, and it's been a damned hard struggle for me. It's just like any other comfort food, plus the added addiction to caffeine. I crave it, like a thirsty man craves water.

I'm not sure quite how I got into the habit of drinking water this past month. I have a water bottle (that is, a big one) in my kitchen, and it just became easier and easier every day to just fill up a glass or two from it. Now I fill up a bottle and drink it at the computer.

After trying to quit caffeine cold turkey, I'm now just limiting myself. I was so damned irritable! So, now I just have one can of coke a day, and drink it very slowly. We'll see how long I can last. I'm hoping to cut down to every other day in a couple of weeks.

Good luck, and if you need anything, or just someone to talk to who's going through exactly the same thing, drop me a line: [email protected]
#5

dinamichele , 02-09-2004 01:28 PM

Hey, trouble in china, I know what you mean about the soda. I switched years ago though. First I went to diet and then to caffeine free. You get used to it and learn to like it. I can't stomach the "real" thing anymore. Of course now I'm trying to limit them and drink more water. Good luck to you!

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