WARNING: this is NOT a rational post!!! i KNOW i have issues... and here we go!

i ordered my first pair of regular misses size pants [jeans, no less!!!!!! and not stretch jeans!!!!] in ... oh... like 20 years. doesn't matter to me that they're size 20s, because that's because my excess skin needs the room. i'm more like a 14/16 without it.

from LL BEAN no less!!!

and they fit!!!!! people have said that they fit perfectly. and they're annoying me no end!!!! i'm not used to feeling snugly zipped. i'm used to loose clothes. nonconstricting so i don't actually feel the boundaries of my body.

i don't like this one bit. but then i remembered a conversation i had about 8 years ago with a therapist who specialised in weight issues. she said that heavy people had no concept of their bodies, and once they started 'living in their bodies' they HATED it.

that's me... BIG TIME.

so. i'm tryiing to view this as a LEARNING experience even though my real wish is to take these damn things off and put on jeans that i don't have to even unzip to get off.

what's stopping me??? they're FLEECE LINED. and it's 15 degrees outside!! my need for warmth is winning!!!!

help help help!!!!!

Jif! <<hugs>> and congratulations on the jeans! Listen, chickie, you don’t have to be rational around here — we’re the home of Irrational Women With Eating Issues (IWWEI) so pull up a chair and I’ll give you my thoughts.

I think this is sort of like the phenomenon that we’ve discussed before about looking at old photos of ourselves in our heavier days. When we look NOW, we clearly see how big we were back then. But at the time the pictures we’re taken, we thought we looked pretty good. We couldn’t *see* how big we really were; in other words, our brains just couldn’t acknowledge how heavy we were and where we had ended up. Part denial; part protective device.

Maybe big, loose clothes with elastic waists are kind of like that too? When we wore them, we could hide our bodies from others and ourselves. We could hide our fat from ourselves and the rest of the world and pretend that it didn’t exist. Part denial; part protective device.

Now we’ve lost a lot of weight and we’re “living in our bodies”. What we do every day is FOCUSED on our bodies. Our bodies are “center stage”. We pay attention to what we’re eating and how that impacts our bodies, we’re exercising (and that forces you to FEEL your body), we’re buying new clothes and looking in the mirror maybe for the first time in a long time. We’re AWARE of our bodies. They’re not enemies anymore.

The new jeans are making you aware of your body. You’re feeling where you begin and end — the boundaries, as you say. And maybe you feel uneasy because others can *see* your body now that you’re not hiding it in baggy clothes — the “armor” is gone. And heaven knows, we all lack a lot of confidence when it comes to showing our bodies in public, regardless of where we are now and where we came from. I think it’s almost a reflex to want to hide.

I mentioned at LWL this week about how I started buying little clothes in the same styles that I wore when I was big — clothes designed to camouflage a body I no longer had. Part habit; part protective device. Maybe you just need some time to feel at home in your new body and feel confident that you look great in the jeans? (and I can tell that the compliments you're getting make you uncomfortable — right?)

And I can tell you from personal experience that the excess skin thing is a huge barrier to feeling comfortable in your body. The sooner you can get rid of that, the sooner you’ll learn to love and appreciate (and maybe even want to show off ) the new you.

My two cents, for what it’s worth!

<sigh> so eloquent you are, meg... the lawyer within you lives!!!!

even when i was thin, i had complete body-denial. avoided mirrors. everything.

and i STILL avoid mirrors. i don't even put on makeup [and this raises an issue that's big on the 100+ club... the idea of self care]

<another sigh> so many people who see me comment on my confidence, optimism, determination, etc etc etc. and my reality? stress, denial, out of contact.

and oh yes. i AM seeing a therapist. have to.

as for the skin thing. i have an appt at the end of the month for a second opinion on the plastic surgery. not that i don't have confidence in the first one, and it'll take a WHOLE LOT for me to go to someone else, but i just want to hear what someone else has to say. a balanced approach, as it were. i'm trying to get the lower body lift done in the first half of the year. there's no point in doing it while there's still the possibility of snow shoveling!!!

more later. just got hauled inot yet another meeting!!!!

Ummm ... Jif ... I shoveled snow ten days after my lower body lift last January. Yes, my PS had a cow when I told him but I felt great! (you see, he made the mistake of telling me that I should "listen to my body" ... he didn't realize that MY body was saying "Go! Go! Go! )

One thought: I'll bet that all the confidence, optimism, determination, etc etc that you project to those around you is about your skills and knowledge and not your appearance. You're bright and talented, you write well -- it probably doesn't bother you if people compliment you on those attributes. Ah, but when you wear your new pants and people notice and tell you how well they fit, you want to run back and hide in the baggy stuff.

It's all head stuff. No answers, but I think a lot of us can understand just how you feel.

Hike them britches up and Go Get 'em, Jif!

thanks ladies. there really is no turning back at this point... just like a shark.. i'll have to move forward.

but the jeans stay: it's too cold not to wear them!!!!!! but it's still kind of surprising that i'm not hungry when i'm wearing them. snug fit??? hmmmmm.

Thank you Jiff and Meg for this thread

I sat here are read you thoughts and feelings and I started to cry. What you both said about clothes and the boundaries of our bodies made sense to me. I have been doing this since I lost the weight (70 lbs and maintaining it for almost 2 years). There are times I wake up in the morning and feel my body to make sure I am still thin. It is nice to know that I am not abnormal in my feelings about my body, that other people feel the same way.

Thank you so much. You both are so good at writing, I enjoy reading all the threads. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words, but what you both said is exactly how I feel and think. Sorry, I keep repeating myself.

Thanks again

Just one more thought (maybe)... I got the book Such a Pretty Face: Being Fat in America from the library and have just started reading it. The preface and the titles of the chapters alone knocked my socks off.

My body image is so out of synch with my actual body size right now. I was shopping for sweat pants because my old ones fall off when I walk and I kept picking out sizes that were at least 2 sizes too big for me.

I've had to buy pants for work - and I think the only thing that kept me from buying my stretchy waist pants is that those look so Old Lady. Now that is a DOUBLE prejudice in the Corporate World ...Old and Fat. Add Girley to that and I was hauling around TRIPLE prejudice every day.

Tig - I've read that book (a LONG time ago - when it came out in 1978-1979) myself. Keep in mind while reading it that 'times have changed' and so has knowledge about being fat - it's neither anti-fat or pro-fat - an interesting read (Jiff - you might find it interesting - especially one woman's story in the book where she had a 'duodunal switch' (sp?) and the changes she went through mentally).

MAN there is just something about jeans isn't there? I remember the first time - about 2 years after my first big weight loss in the Stanford Study - I tried on a pair of DKNY jeans - size 12 and they FIT! Since then I've always favored DKNYs, now I'm in 4's and 6's though. However the 'equine world' that I hang out at tends to go for Wranglers so I might be changing. My hubby is an Old Navy jeans fan. It does take a while for the mind to catch up with the body changes...for me, journaling and taking care of myself - doing nice things for ME - has helped immeasurably, along with having a great support system - Jim has always been encouraging and made be feel beautiful and special even though I know that he didn't especially enjoy the recovery process from my two surgeries this past year! (Still want a breast lift but gonna wait a couple years...just to spare him and also to save up some $$ for it).

TEN DAYS?!? Shoveling snow after a LBL less than two weeks' later? You Easterners are a hearty bunch I must say! My PS told me no strenuous activity for 4 weeks after my lipo, and 6 weeks after my TT (six-week anniversary is this Monday and I start riding again - I've been hitting the gym but being very cautious about it...back on my bodybuilding splits come Monday!)

Well, Karen, my father always told us we came from "hearty pioneer stock" so there you have it! Actually, I never did anything my PS told me not to -- his mistake was telling me to "just listen to my body" rather than giving me a specifc list of "don'ts". I have to presume that, up to that point, all his patients' bodies had been telling them to take it easy and lay on the couch. The dear man seemed somewhat taken aback when I reported about the snow shoveling and that I was back in the gym and doing cardio by Day 16 (lightly and carefully, of course!). He now gives me very specific instructions on what to do and not do! Fortunately he encouraged me to start walking (2-3 miles/day) ten days after the surgery in August as a way to reduce some of the swelling in my legs. So I never felt like I was out of the gym for very long.

Hi ladies - I just lurk here, as I'm still working on my weight loss journey, but I just had to jump in and comment.

The show "What Not to Wear", both on BBCAmerica (original) and on TLC (Friday nights) has been invaluable for me in changing the way I dress. The show made me see that the way I'd been dressing made me look even bigger than I was!

One of the first changes I made was getting rid of pleated pants - and boy was that hard! I had been convinced that the pleats helped camouflage my midsection, when in reality, they really did the opposite. And, I always had to wear a belt, because these pants really didn't fit me well, and it took the belt to keep them up where they belonged.

When I switched to flat-front pants, it took weeks to get used to my pants "touching me" at the front of my hips and thighs!
But now, I'm so used to my pants fitting snugly and properly, that I am very intolerant when they start to feel big, get a bit baggy in that top of thigh area, or start to need a belt to keep them in place. Immediately I get myself a smaller size and the old pants go into the charity pile.

It makes for an expensive clothing budget, but it helps me to keep feeling good about my progress, so it's worth it! And, I know, that I look better in clothing that fit properly.
Cindy

Speaking of jeans...

I just changed my siggie this morning - looks like I'll have to change it again...

...for the first time in I don't know how long...after reading this thread about the jeans...I went into my dresser and pulled out my SIZE FOUR DKNY's. Just thought I'd pull 'em on...to see how close I was to being able to actually zip them up...

Guess what ladies...they FIT. OMG they FIT! THEY FIT!

And I didn't have to lie on the bed to zip em up, or jump up and down to get them to my waist - I just pulled them on and zipped them! OMG OMG OMG OMG...

Just TOO exciting! Woo!

oh my!!!!! welll.let's hear it for all your hard work AND THE TUMMY TUCK!!! congrats, karen... great job!!!

and cindy.. great words of wisdom! this lack of real body concept has driven me to personal shoppers at department stores, with GREAT success. but it's also time for some alterations.

and i'll look into that book, but i gotta warn you, i have trouble reading things like that. i spent so much of my life believing that other people's perceptions were right and mine were wrong, so i lost myself along the way. so i tend to avoid things that i suspect will keep me from hearing my own voice.

you are braver than i meg, snow shoveling??? good thing your surgeon learned his lesson!!!!

many hugs, ladies...

Cindy...YES! I love that show, too! (What Not To Wear) I really enjoy seeing the wardrobe tips and the hair/make-up makeovers.

And I agree that it has made me look at different styles and fashions in a new light.

I have been trying to convince hubby that he needs to go to flat-front pants, too. He seems to be resistant to change. He has lost about 40 pounds following a low-carb diet since September. He has dropped at least one size in pants and could really use to change his style by also dropping the pleats.

MaryBeth
252/146