ok so last night my house mate says to me come on come caving with me. its not that difficult you can walk through most of the places and occasionall get on your hands and knees to crawl.

so i thinks to myself yea that sounds fun. so i went. was it as he described it??? was it ****. it was a narrow gap i had to squeeze through then we had to wedge ourselves against a wall with our backs and against the other wall with our knees. "yes it was that narrow" and slide inch by inch along this 50ft downward section. at the time we were straddled a 35-40ft deep rift. i was not happy cos i get slight vertigo.

anyway we get to a narrow squeeze. now my helmet just got through and as i tried to horizontaly slide through trying not to look down this huge gap i got stuck. i tried 4 or 5 times to get through and had to turn back. everyone else only just got through but me being fat got stuck. 30 ft under ground in a gap no wider than my monitor. i was not happy

My first time caving I was a heck of a lot heavier than I am now and I actually cried. It wasn't because I got stuck but because we were up on a ledge and the shoes I was wearing were not working... I mean, I was falling off the side of the wall and if I fell it was a 50 ft drop into a creek ravine. All I could think about was if I fell, someone would have to go get help and that wouldn't be for hours and then someone would have to haul my fat butt out of the earth. And I really thought I was going to die. I could not keep myself on the wall.

It was also a terrible time in my life. I had just thrown out my boyfriend of five years and all our wedding plans. I was miserable and depressed.

Well? Obviously, I didn't die. The caving was hard - very similar to your experience except there was a duck walk with some bats and a couple underground rivers we had to go through. And scaling down the wall was... trying. And it became a very spiritual moment for me later. Because I had made it, and it was harder than I even imagined, and I cried but wow, I made it.

So, you didn't make it through the tiny gap. Yeah, it's a pisser. But you straddled a 35-40ft deep rift, you slid inch by inch for 50ft and you made it. Wow. Thanks a pretty awesome accomplishment.

It might not help, but I hope that you recognize what a sensational thing you just accomplished by just TRYING. Not only did you overcome the vertigo and manage to slide inch by inch 50 ft. down but you willingly came back to the boards here to share your story. I can't speak for others but it is very motivating for me to know that while there are going to be things that I cannot do, I do have the capability to try anything I want to.

Don't be embarrassed - be proud!

Gale (oops! forgot my name - it's really Melissa! LOL)

geezzz.... i was sitting here thinking how crazy both you and jessica were for caving, when i read gale's note. AND SHE'S SO RIGHT!!!!!!!

congrats to both of you!!!! and it DOES get easier!!!

Wow! I'm totally impressed by the fact that you two actually went caving. That took a lot of courage. I have claustrophobia so going into a cave is totally out of the realm of possibility for me, and I miss so much by letting that phobia rule me. You guys didn't let anything stop you from trying something new.

Yep, what they said.

I can *totally* understand how you'd be upset/embarrassed. I'd be too. As far as I'm concerned, I'd still give you an A+ for the day in effort. Think of how much better you did yesterday than you could have done at 320 lbs!!!!

Now *that's* something to be proud of.

Geez....what the heck do you have to be embarrassed about?? It'd be different if you had farted really loudly in the cave and everyone knew it was you, but as far as I can see you set out to attempt something pretty damn amazing and overcame height fears along the way and slid down 50 feet inch by inch and so on - seems to me you deserve a big pat on the back! And another thing, if those other people fit through a space no bigger than a monitor then they must be really scrawny ...