My name is Cassandra and I am 26 years old. I have PCOS and am overweight. Most of the time I feel tremendously depressed. The PCOS has several symptoms that I have to deal with daily. I have the dark spots on my waist line, unwanted hair growth, and obviously the weight problem, But most of all I have been unable to conceive a child. This kills me everyday. We have seen Dr.s about the pcos but it is something that they really dont know a whole lot about. There is meds to make the symptoms better but none that will fill the hole in my heart for the lack of a child.

My husband wont let me take the clomid that they recommend because he wants me to lose weight first. He wont let me adopt and dont want me to have the gastric bypass surgery. (I have been crying all day. It seems like I do this alot lately). He just says lose the weight and then it will happen. I am so sick of hearing this. Dont people think if I could I would. I have been trying to lose the weight for years. Everytime I fail!!!! I have no motiation and just want to stay home. When I talk to my husband he always says "How would you feel if you got pregnant and something happened to you and the baby because you are big." Dont get me wrong. I love my husband more than life itself and wouldnt take anything in the world for him, but he cant understand the pain that I deal with everyday. I know he means well but ...what about what I want/need.

I guess my question is....Do I need to see a Dr about my depression? Please give may any advice you all may have.

Cassandra

Yes I think you need to see a doctor or someone unbiased that can help you through this crisis.

I think you need to put your plans to have a baby on the back burner until you sort out some of these issues, medical problems and issues with your husband. If you have been trying to get pregnant for awhile then I'm sure you two are going through a lot of emotional stuff particularly as it sounds to me like he is blaming you for being overweight. That is an issue that needs to be resolved even before you think about having a baby. There are a lot of overweight women that have babies and don't have any problems (I'm one). Don't let him make you feel guilty about something that hasn't even happened yet.

I get really upset when other people go on about how losing weight will magically make something happen. Being thin doesn't make your life perfect. There are a lot of thin women that also have infertility problems. Yes losing weight is potentially a partial solution but not necessarily the only solution.

Please go and see your doctor and tell him/her what you have told us. But also please rethink about trying to get pregnant right now. Having a baby is a miracle but it is not a solution for any of your problems.

Dear girl, I am sorry that your DH is talking to you like that. He really doesn't have the right to make you feel sad.
My DD has PCOS and she is hypothyroid. She battles weight gain every day and she had trouble conceiving. She also has the unwanted hair growth and skin blotches.
I want you to go to the doctor as soon as possible and tell him what you've told us...everything. He or she will help you with the depression.
Then I'd like you to tell your DH to buzz off on pressuring you to lose weight! He isn't helping you one little bit. You have serious health problems that cause the weight problem and you need his support, not his criticism.
As for conceiving a child, that will come. First, get your body and life as healthy as possible. A baby isn't going to relieve your depression...it might make it worse. A child is a BIG responsibility and a lot of work. And it won't solve that ache in your heart.
Join us in the daily chat we post here. We're a good group and maybe we can help you and you can give us advice too.

Hiya.Jen and Tippy have basically covered what I would say.Go to the doctors and tell exactly what you told us here.

I hope you get things well on track and come back to see us.

*hugs*
lynnie

Hi Cassandra, I just realized thats your picture by your signature....boy are you ever so pretty!! Your hubby should kiss the ground you walk on

I agree with the ladies and what they say. You do need to get to a doctor, the sooner the better because you know the problem(s) will not go away over night.

I know your mind is going 100 mph but you really need to slow down and take it one day at a time, one issue at a time. Things like this do not go away over night. Your very young and have lots of time to plan a family but as I see it, if Mama ain't happy, then nobody's happy.

Do this for YOU #1, your hubby and your future family. You are so worth it and so are they.

I'd really like to invite you to the daily boards where we all get together and chat every day. I think all the girls would like to get to know you

Hugs Cassandra

I want to thank everyone for the great advise. I have spoken with my office manager about there being a counselor for state employees to talk to. She is checking on this for me. I know they will want to put me on some kind of meds. I hate to take anything but I guess I will if I have to.
I just hope my husband starts to understand me... and soon!!!

You all have been really great. I will keep checking back in with you all on this forum. I need all of the friends I can get.

Love,
Cassandra

Cassandra, I just wanna say one more thing. There's nothing wrong with taking medication, its not a crime, its not a sin and its nothing to be ashamed about okay.

Maybe you won't need to take them for long, some people need it just to help them snap out of a depression, could be a couple of months, could be longer....but only your Dr. can help you with that.

We'd love to see you more.... HUGS !!!!

AND GOOD LUCK!

Leenie

Cassandra, you're gorgeous! Wow! And your pets aren't bad either.

Leenie said it well concerning the meds. Taking them for depression is no different than taking an antibiotic if you have an infection.

As for your DH, he doesn't have to understand you really. He just needs to treat you with respect. My DH of 25 years doesn't fully understand me and he never will. Men are wired differently than us. But, he darn well best have respect for me.

When I went to the dr and started taking meds for depression I think that was a real eye opener for my husband and he had some changes his attitudes. I am not longer taking meds because of the side effects but they were quite effective in helping my moods. You don't have to jump into taking meds right away, maybe you'll want to try some therapy first. I agree with Leenie though, there is nothing wrong with taking some medication for a serious medical problem. You would take medication for a heart condition, there is no difference. I know there is a big stigma about mental illness but it is nothing to be ashamed of. I know I used to have an attitude about other people with this kind of problem, thinking they should be able to snap out of it but now I realize it is a much more complicated and serious illness. Perhaps your husband also has this sort of attitude and isn't giving your mental state proper consideration. Anyway I've said my 2 cents. Good luck with the counsellor!

Well, just to give everyone an update.... I went to my PCP today because I have had a severe headache for 5 days. Come to find out I have a sinus infection. They gave me lots of meds but it still hurts like crazy. Anyway, while I was there I told her how I had been feeling sad and she gave me Lexapro. I took the first one today. I sure do hope it helps. She didnt mention seeing a counselor or anything so I guess I will just try this. Thanks for everyone giving their input. You all are great...

Good for you, Cassandra. I hope things get better soon for you. The women on this board are very wise.

YEAH Cassandra !! we are proud of you for making the first step. Hugs !!! Let us know how you are feeling on them. Remember this please....... if this drug doesnt' work there are many many MANY more they can try, just DON'T give up okay !!!!!

Or I'll come to your house and pinch you !!

Cassandra I don't have any advice but know that I care and hope the best for you.......keep us posted!

Liz

Hello Cassandra...I too having been trying to conceive since Oct. of 02 with no luck!..thirteen very long months. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to have a child is so unbearable sometimes!..Believe me I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! I too know 100% that I need to get at least 75 pounds OFF before I conceive..but if I were to become pregnant today ..I would feel like shouting it from the rooftop!..I went to Babie Are Us a couple of weeks ago (for a gift) and found myself sitting in the rockers..watching all the new mommies stroll by with their babies and also all the beautiful pregnant ladies with the big round bellies!. .The sadness or void you feel NOT Being able to conceive is absolutely hard to make others understand unless you have been there.

I have been trying lately to practice mindful eating and I am swimming..BUT..in my mind I just wish it would fall off in a day..and then the next day I would be pregnant. That is really ALL I care about...from the time my feet hit the floor in the morning..first thought #1..I want/need a baby..not to make me happy but because I feel it is my GOD given right to bear a child and raise a child..to nourish it with unconditional LOVE and just make everyday full of fun and memories!..second thought #2..I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I don't really consider myself to be depressed?...BUT sometimes the desire is so strong to have a baby..other things just aren't important any more..and I really don't necessary thing there is anything wrong with this? Lots of days I CRY TOO!..Not because I am depressed but because I dream of a baby..I dream of the way she or he will smell...I dream of buying him or her clothes..taking to the pumpkin patch and picking out that perfect pumpkin..dressing them up like a ladybug...wiping running noses..watching Finding Nemo with him or her and watching the expressions of excitement and joy on my miracles face. Their is nothing depressing about what we are feeling Cassandra..It is our RIGHT..we are only feeling what god intended us to feel..In a perfect world...would it be better if we were at the "IDEAL WEIGHT"?......yes.....but I have come to realize that life is not about things or about where can we go next..what kind of car I drive (I just sold my BMW).....Life is about LOVE..and I want to feel the love of a child..I don't want to have empty arms forever?..

Cassandra..Have you tried exercising?..From your picture you don't look ?? that overweight?...What has your Dr. said as far as weight issue and taking the CLOMID?..Your DH may be over-worring?...I know last year I went to an endo doctor who told me that she and most of her coleges (sp?) like to see you at 299 and under before any treatment. And that clomid is what she would start with...because it is the easiest and that sometimes..We just need something to help us to ovulate? Also are you on Glucophage? ...I hope I have helped you a little...feel free to pm me anytime!...I know how you feel...I just changed my screen saver to a beauiful Ann-Geddes baby picture..a newborn laying in a white sheet...sleeping like an angel.

I forgot...I printed out the long detailed...very helpful DIET that you wrote up for us from a PCOS diet suggestion. It was sooo thorough..I have yet to follow it to the letter...See something else we have in common..lack of MOTIVATION..but then again ..what better motivation do we need than A BABY!?!?...maybe we just need a mental jump-charge?

Any suggestions for a mental-jumpcharge 3FC sisters...WE BOTH need a +++++++++++pregnancy test in a very near future!