Someone, please help.... Please hold me accountable just for today (Friday). I do not want to weigh in because this week seems like all I have done is sabotage myself, mainly by skipping workouts. That is probably the most important part of my of my routine and I just haven't been able to get it together. Honestly, I think I am actually scared to death to get bellow 200lbs. and be in Onederland. That is so sad, all I want right now is to be healthy and feel good about myself but I am so scared to move past this. I think I'm losing it, seriously. I realize that my weight has had huge ties to my past- which I am totally ready to be done with (my ties are cut w/ my ex and that relationship) but honestly my weight has been my security blanket and has kept me safe in too many ways. So, please just give me that nudge....actually shove that I need today to get past all of this mental crap and move on with my life.

Workouts are hard for me too. Once I'm doing them it's great, but it's just sooooooo easy to skip one or two and get totally out of the routine. I'm pretty new here still and don't necessarily understand all the issues attached to your weight, but I can see in your signature that you've come a long way already and you can definitely keep going!!! You are soooo close to meeting that first goal, and it seems (for me anyway) that in the past I always struggled with staying on track when I'm "pretty close" to a goal. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! My official start date isn't until Monday, but tomorrow I am planning to set up my exercise plan, and I'll make you a deal: I will do a 20 minute workout tomorrow if you will exercise too. I'll have it done by the time I get online tomorrow night, and I'll be looking for your post! Just stick with it Jamie, and think about how awesome it will be to plow right through that goal!!!

Don't give up, Jamie! You KNOW that you can do this, you are doing this, and you WILL CONTINUE to do this! View this past week as simply a bump in the road, and continue on the right path. Please, please, please don't sabotage yourself! You've come too far to do that. You know you want your good health & self-esteem, and it's so worth it!
How was today, by the way? Let us know how it went!

Jen

Hey girls, thanks for the support. I would have to say that I totally underestimated what an emotional journey this was going to be. I maintained this week at least, and I got a good workout in today. So that's a step in the right direction. My new job offers a free gym membership so I think I will jump at that next week and get a little variety into my workouts, that should help a lot. School starts on the 29th so that should help as well, I am so bored right now. I find myself sabotaging when I have too much free time- too much space to think about things and worry. I will stick to this, I know I can do it I just might have to ask for a little help from time to time. I want to be healthy mentally and physically and plowing through this like Christine said will be the best reward. Thanks again Christine and Jen you don't know what your support means to me.

Jamie; I totally understand the way you were feeling.But guess what you have a great bunch of people here and this board to be security blanket now.Instead of keeping things bottled up and gaining the weight; you come here and release.That in itsself is a great accomplishment. Keep up the great work and don't get so discouraged; we all fall but we have to learn its not the end.To pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and do it all over again.

You ever need an ear feel free to pm me.

Thanks Lynnie, I never thought of this being a security blanket of sorts- but it makes a lot of sense. Thank for the kind words, and have a great weekend!

Jamie -- remember that this is really normal. I mean, the first thing I look to when i am stressed is food.

Luckily, I really enojy the gym. It gets me out and I think I made my first friend the other night! I like testing myself too.

You've done so great thus far -- weight and LIFE wise. I have no doubt you'll get back on the horse. Sometimes, we all need to grieve -- even if it's over something that we've been wanting to lose for a while....

Hang in there!