First of all, this is a very self-indulgent post and is in no way meant to make anyone feel bad. It’s also a purely selfish post that I’m writing for closure.
Recently I came to the decision to leave 3FC. I’ve not been a super active member in recent years, but I’ve flittered in and out so I feel that perhaps some people might know who I am and I want to tell them why I'm leaving.
When I first joined in 2011 (holy smokes it’s been 9 years) I was on here almost every day. I spent a good majority of my 20’s here, reporting in on the ups and downs of my weight loss journey and offering support to people who passed by. I ran quite a few challenges too which I hope helped people achieve their goals. I even made some friends here who I’ve met up with in person!
For that, I cannot thank 3FC enough for being a place where I could express a side of myself that I didn’t want to share with my friends and family. Talking about weight loss is hard when people know you, it’s almost easier to talk to strangers about the personal details that come with losing weight. I saw great success in my time here, I managed to lose 50 lbs back when I first joined! I think that my participation here and the support/advice I received was a big contributing factor to that success. So, to everyone who has ever cheered me on or offered me a helping hand – thank you.
This now brings me to the reason I’m leaving. In the last few years, my anxiety issues that I’ve had for most of my life skyrocketed. I’m not sure what it was, maybe it was simply living with it for years and it finally started to grow into something I couldn’t control, but needless to say it started affecting my day to day life. I started going to therapy, then I decided to start anxiety medication. I’ve done a lot of reflecting in the last year, reflecting on the type of person I am and what truly makes me happy.
During this time of introspection, I came to the conclusion that I no longer want to think of losing weight actively as part of my every day life. Do I still want to lose weight? Sure. I’m not giving up on my health and I’ll continue to make choices that will benefit my body in a way that feels right for me. But do I want to spend every day weighing myself and basing my self-worth on numerical values? No. Do I want to tell myself that in order to be beautiful, I need to be a certain weight? Nope. Do I want to exercise simply to lose weight, rather than doing something that I enjoy? Nay.
These are habits that have formed over the years and it needs to stop. I want to feel content with who I am and how I look no matter what my size. I want to stop the constant surveillance of what I eat and how much I move. It’s not mentally healthy for me to do this anymore, to feel the guilt that can come with trying to lose weight. Ironically, since shifting my mindset I’ve found myself eating way less. It’s almost as if the pressure to lose weight made me hyper aware of food and as a result I became more likely to overeat. I’ve also found myself looking at exercise that might not be super high impact or get my heart rate way up, but it looks fun and I’m eager to try. I simply feel happier.
Again, this is not a call out post to tell you that if you do find comfort in weighing in, in monitoring what you eat and when you exercise that you’re wrong. If that works for you, if that makes you happy, I’m thrilled for you. It just didn’t work out for me in the end. I want to continue down this path of loving myself no matter how much I weigh, of feeling like a bada$$ no matter what my clothes size is and enjoying the one life I’ve been given.
If you want to stay in touch on Instagram, Twitter or e-mail, DM me and I’ll send you my screen name!
Lots of love,
Riestrella
