We are a small but mighty group of friends that are battling the depression monster. Please visit, tell us about yourself, what you struggle with, what makes you happy

I will try so hard to get back to being a regular here! it does help so much to know you have friends out there who care.

Flower - thanks so much for your last post, you are so kind and understanding!! and I love the light sparkles you sent I have not decided yet where I will work this winter.

Coop - how are you with the counselor, this is the one you do like?

the inevitable passing of time (ending of summer) is leading me to have alot of negative thoughts, I have to fight them.

I need to write/let out some thoughts...no one need feel obligated to comment, as you know sometimes it helps just to 'let it out'.

Some of my major depressive thoughts are that our house is just so cluttered and I feel too overwhelmed to do anything about it. If I had my way I would get a dumpster and just empty almost everything. but when you're married / in a relationship you just can't get rid of the stuff that your partner is interested in. In the past I have waited until husband was at work, then hastily gotten rid of things, that have never been noticed. But new schedule means that he is almost always here when I am. But today, because it is just rainy all day and I am not outside, I forced myself to at least clean off the top of my bureau. It looks better. and maybe if I focus on just one tiny area, and take care of it, like a drawer full of sh*t, I can feel at least a little in control .

another depressive train of thought is when I look at pictures of loved ones who are no longer with me. I found a pic of my beloved grandmother holding our son when he was just 6 or 7 months old, she is so happy holding him, he is just a beautiful baby boy...that pic could send me to bed with the covers over my head, thinking of my Grammie, and the fact that I will probably never be a grandmother myself. That is 'the glass half empty' - if I force myself to think more positively, why can't I focus that I was so lucky to have a beloved grandmother for about 40 years of my life; that I was able to give her the joy of our 2 children...same with my Mom.

each day lately when the day is over, I think 'there is another day gone, one day less of my life, the end is one day sooner' instead of "grab this day and make the most of it!" It doens't help that my husband just said the other day, that he thinks he will be dead in 10 years. thanks alot. Is that selfish thinking on my part??

In the past I just have to wait it out, my thinking will shift more positively but I hope that happens soon, I am kinda really down about these things.

Thank you Holly for starting the September Thread

Holly I want to tell you that people who I respect in my (for lack of a better description) "metaphysical communities" say that a lot of old stuff and grief has been coming up for people. lets say its a part of lightning up, as another level of old stuff spontaneously surfaces and is released. Its important, they say to allow the feelings and to not resist. Its so difficult and VERY painful for many. You are in great company, that's for sure. If you are feeling very tired, that's a part of it. So are other more physical symptoms people may be experiencing. But I will not go into the list of those. Suffice to say you are in very good company with the horrible pain you are feeling. The old patterns, feelings, pain coming around again as it clears more... if you want to believe that stuff, which I personally do. they say that as we allow the pain to be there, we will let in even more light after the cycle subsides. I hope that helps. I was wondering how the eye doctor appointment went. Finally, I saw what you wrote about the end of summer. IDK if I have said this before, but I consider autumn to be the harbinger of winter. So I no longer am a fan. It looks like we are going to have an early autumn. Weather many days is colder than average. I am beginning to feel the dread of cold weather. Closed widows. Perpetual snow. I started a gratitude journal today. I hope it lasts longer than 3 days, lol. I need to be doing it.

Hi Coop. Hope things are continuing to improve on all levels.

Hi to Kathleen and Lisa. I hope you are doing okay

I have had some significant GI stuff going on. Parasites are back. Causing all sorts of pain etc. That in combination with IBS (TMI?) was horrible. It set my hiatal hernia and corresponding valves into overdrive. Definitely TMI, lol. I have been in a lot of pain because of it all. But today the chiropractor pulled down my stomach again and unstuck the valves. Hoping I can get back soon to regular eating. Today, cooked apple slices. pureed carrot and some white rice with zucchini and bone broth powder for protein. Well, also there were the 4 malted peanut butter balls from the health food store. I figured they would not be too hard on the hernia, lol. Have an appointment with the naturopath on Thursday.

Grief still is with me each day. Between that and the IBS, parasites, Hiatal hernia and stuck valves, I have been barely functioning. The channeled guide a month ago did say that my digestive system was "in fight or flight mode". Hoping the naturopath will have a homeopathic remedy for it. BUT I always smile when I am out. I try to have a cheery smile and words for everyone. And why not? Its my pleasure.

Sending good thoughts to all <3

Flower - You always have such wonderful, insightful, and empathetic things to tell us!! You always do help me, how I feel. and I thank you so much And we both dread the upcoming winter ... well it's going to arrive however we feel about it, we must try to face it with a better attitude than and and !!

Oh yes the eye appt., thank u for remembering! everything is OK. They told me, that 'sometimes down the road after cataract surgery, your vision could get cloudy again, it can be taken care of with a quick zap of a lasar in the office' - HEY they did NOT tell me that when I was prepping for the cataract surgery, at all! But when I expressed interest (or at least more info) the doctor looked concerned and said there was a possibility of retina damage - WHAT?! So he didn't recommend it unless I found my vision getting really worse. Ugh. And my 'floaters' are much more evident. I did tell them that too. All in all, I am VERY relieved that I don't have anything scary going on.

Now for you, Ms. Flower - I am so very sorry to hear of your GI distress sounds painful and awful! VERY glad the chiropractor was able to work some comfort for you! and you had an appt with the naturopath today? ( I am actually ignorant on what a naturopath is) I do hope you can eat and enjoy some 'regular' foods.

A gratitude journal - what a great idea, especially for the lot of us whom are fighting to always see the glass half full!

Well I hope that someone else jumps on here to add to the Holly and Pat show I have always loved that I could just write and spill here if needed.
sending happy loving thoughts to you all!!

Holly so glad that there is nothing seriously wrong with your eyes. There have been eye drops developed to treat cataracts. BUT last I heard they had not reached human trials yet. So I am hoping that gives you a bit of hope for the future. Re the increased floaters, glad they were not indicative of anything serious. Re: the gratitude journal, I had been thinking about it again since Coop mentioned it in August. Then I read something about it more recently. So far so good. I need to continue with it every day. How are you doing today Holly? Please know I'm here to listen, and care.

You said you do not know what a naturopath is. They are natural doctors. Not MDs. But they go to school for a number of years to become naturopaths. including undergraduate degree it takes 8 years. Mine diagnoses by muscle testing. And then she usually has the right thing to treat it. They do not deal with regular medicines. But they honor that people must be on them for certain things. I even had the naturopath muscle test to see if I should at this time be taking the IBS prescription from my regular MD. The answer was yes. Once my doctor suspected I had a certain genetic condition. She suggested asking the naturopath to muscle test to diagnose. Because the regular medical test was not covered by insurance. And its sort of expensive. Hope that explains a bit about naturopaths.

The naturopath today told me my digestive system is well enough to go back to the regular food. hummm probably not the best thing to hear,lol. I ate Belgian chocolate and Red Hen rolls with pesto for lunch. And a Bratwurst too. All very fattening. The naturopath gave me homeopathics for panic and grief. That was upon my request. So hopefully that will help.

Re making this community bigger again, I think more people will join in. Hopefully Lisa, Kathleen, Coop and even Panda will be back soon. Although if you read this, no pressure. Really.

Hope tomorrow is a good one for everyone, Pat

Good evening! Pat, thank you for the explanation about naturopaths..guess I could have googled it but its nicer having a friend explain I'm so glad your GI is better now, to enjoy some Belgium chocolate..oh such nice quality! I do love a small piece of really good chocolate instead of a handful of something cheaper.

I *think* I'm feeling better about things. Trying to remain positive. and I did actually enjoy, after coming home from work, weedwhacking for about 40 minutes, then about an hour of lawn mowing; dinner; then picked flowers and mint to bring to work tomorrow. It is disheartening how quickly we lose the daylight now though and no more 5:00 a.m. brightness! I tried to enjoy every minute that I could.

I can't remember if I explained what was bringing me down (besides impending cold weather for 6 months) but it's the fact that I'm overwhelmed in trying to reduce clutter/organize here. If they were all MY possessions..but they're not. Also that home improvement chores are either taking forever or just not ever getting accomplished.

YES I hope our regular friends make it back, and like you said, no pressure though. but missing them because they were cool

Pat - I am so very glad the garage door situation is corrected!! but still very sorry and feel badly that it was a very low point for you, highlighting your solitude that is a terrible feeling, that one is alone in the world. You are obviously very self sufficient but I guess that's how you have had to be. I wish the friend who moved away wasn't too busy to at least talk to you. If you let her know how much you need her would she make the time?
Yes let's cling to the warm-ish temps as long as we can. I can't believe it is 38 degrees here, ugh.
I am slipping into low feelings again, I have so much to be thankful for but somehow it;s the negative that overcomes me.

I have to FIGHT against the low, negative feelings. I have to make myself take action and take care of cr@p that SHOULD be shared by partners in life but that isn't the case in my life. So I have to do it myself. I made myself start an hour and a half ago (after husband left for work) Feels good to throw out bags and bags of stuff. it's just a tiny fraction of what has to be done but I'm doin it and will not take any crap or criticism about it from my husband. whoo. That felt good. I don't want to infer that I am in danger of being abused, that I have to do it when husband is out of house. It's just that the stuff I get rid of will never be noticed that it's gone, but if it was seen being put in a garbage bag, would start an argument.

Holly you say its the negative that overcomes you even though you have so much for which to be thankful. I want to offer to you that when this happens it may be because old patterns, old stuff held deep in the cells are surfacing because its time for them to be seen, felt and then transmuted.. I guess the only thing I have heard, over and again is to allow, do not judge. Do not resist. It feels HORRIBLE. This is whats happening with so many people I know. Actually pretty often these days. People who have spent years on a healing path. Including some teachers I know. I am just offering this to you in case it might feel right. And believe me, I do not minimize the pain being felt. No one I know would. For themselves or others.

Ohhhh I just read your most recent post. I am SO impressed. You are empowering yourself to do what you need to do even without permission. and you "will not take any criticism or crap" from your husband about it. This is you empowering you. WTG! Did I say I'm impressed? Well I'm saying it again. Knowing whatever criticism comes up, you will and can personally handle it.

This is a very powerful time for many. There is a full moon on Friday the 13th, a beneficial and powerful configuration. Not the negative stuff people think. Even though we may feel tired. Its so rare that it will happen once in 49 years! FIt's linked to the feminine power. Okay, enough woo, lol. I guess you are finding your power. And that is not always easy.

As for me, the fever broke. Today was much better. Almost no grieving. And I actually meditated which was a miracle. I spent time working in my very neglected flower garden. Trying to dig up the weeds that have grown freely this summer. Also had to get rid of the milkweed. I didn't dig it up earlier because I wanted to let the caterpillars make their chrysalis if they chose. i don't think they availed themselves. That's okay. At least the offer was there. I have a long way to go to clear out my garden from the weeds. Its overgrown with lots of plants I want mingling with other plants such as lily of the valley, evening primrose, a particularly tall variety of phlox which spreads like weeds, ugh. lots of intermingling. Lots of careful digging. Lots of apologies, when i have to dig them up.

You wrote that the low was 38. I heard there was a light frost warning in Saranac Lake. I think maybe that night Burlington may have gotten down to 46ish?? But a weather guy said that the highs will be back in the 80s. I think that will be next week? Grateful for those warm nights and days.

Holly, Again, I want to say how glad I am that you are empowering yourself to clear things out in your home. To do what YOU need to do. And know that its more important to do this. Rather than to be in fear of criticism. I think that's big and important. So congrats.

Hi to everyone else Sorry this was so long and woo.

Flower - that IS a reasonable request! joking aside, i am so sorry you are in pain I do hope the naturopath can see you soon!!

I was really militant the last time I posted, lol. I have lived with clutter and mess for so long, it is hard for me to accept that it might actually change..that we can have a nice living room that I can enjoy. so that has messed with me. instead of being joyful and anticipating some nice change, I feel negative that it can actually happen. and feeling resentlful that it's taken so long. Trying hard to combat. thank you Flower for the observations of what might be happening, regarding old patterns and things changing..very cool to think about and yes encouraging

meanwhile on to simple things to be grateful for, it is a mild 56 degrees and I will be able to ride m'cycle to work today first time in a week!

good thoughts to all

Flower/Pat how is your health?? I hope so much you are feeling better than last time you posted.

and thank you for your unwavering support there have been a couple improvements here but omg the items that are stuffing this house..thousands of dollars I guess, worth of tools/household repair items, it is overwhelming. I thought I could start to take care of things myself but I don't know where to start. or WHY I have to take care of someone else's hoarding.