Hello all. My title is the most honest I've ever been about my weight. If I think "diet" I immediately rebel and go fix something to eat. I self-sabotage on an hourly basis. Why do you suppose that is? Has anyone else ever been here and if so, what did you do to get out of this wretched place?

I had to laugh when I read your thread title because it's honest and gosh, does ANYONE want to diet and exercise? Probably not. I sure don't. I want to eat pizza, watch Netflix, sit on the couch and wake up with visible abs, haha.

I think you've already nailed it, though. The word "diet" is nearly synonymous in our culture with deprivation. The word "exercise" to many people means discomfort and pain. So the key, I think, is to embrace a lifestyle change but a sustainable one. Modify your diet with little changes at a time (like replacing soda with flavored water drinks instead, as an example). Don't make any food off limits, but take the really fattening stuff and make it an occasional treat rather than a normal meal. So lasagna or fried chicken or macaroni and cheese would be something to have once or twice a month at one meal only, and not once a week with leftovers for the next couple days sort of thing.

And exercise- seriously, you have to find something you like. If you hate it, you're not going to want to stick with it long term. So find something you enjoy. Or- if there's just NO form of exercise you like- find something that'll make you want to do it anyway. Like- let's say you don't really enjoy hiking but you love photography. So you take your camera and you go hiking for the pictures you'll get, not for the hike itself. I tend to go out with a group of ladies hiking mountains or biking and honestly I really don't like walking up steep hills or riding bikes but I do like seeing my friends. So I go to see them, and the exercise is a side benefit that I'm usually glad I did later. Haha.

I'll bet that when you think "diet," you're thinking "I can't ever eat anything I like, and I'm going to be miserable for however long it takes to lose the weight... which could be years." I would want to go eat something sweet after thinking that, too! I was totally there, wanting to get down to a smaller size, but not being willing to diet.

What I did was... I didn't. I had been maintaining at the weight I was at for as long as I could remember, so I knew I was sitting at the perfect balance of food and exercise to my weight (which was about 200, by the way). I knew that if I wanted to maintain at a smaller size, I would need to make big changes to my lifestyle to support the smaller size rather than the larger one, and not just diet for a few months and then go back to eating how I was. So, once I realized that, and also realized I was shying away from those changes, I told myself, "Okay, for now, I'll focus on loving my body as-is. I'll change when I'm ready."

That turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. I learned to love and accept myself, no matter how I look, first, which has made all the difference in my eating and exercise behaviors and my opinions of myself and my reflection, which in turn has helped keep patience [relatively] high and frustration low during this weight loss effort.

So in a nutshell (sorry, I'm super wordy), my advice is to reach a good place mentally before you start reaching a good place physically. When you're ready to start, don't go in with the "diet" mindset. Dieting implies that you're making a temporary change that will then be shoved out the door when you reach goal, and that it's going to be hard and miserable. Make permanent changes that you can live with. That "permanent" word is scary, I know, it's what scared me off from starting for so long. But in the long run, it's totally worth it. Just don't start until you're ready!

Welcome to 3FC!

Thanks to both of you for sharing your insights. I love what each of you had to say and I'm feeling better already. One of my adults sons looked at me tonight after dinner and said, "Why don't you start dating?" Like that's going to replace food? I guess it could, but honestly, I'd prefer a sandwich to a new relationship. LOL!!

What is it about dieting that you don't like? What is it about exercise that you don't like?

If you think dieting is about being hungry all the time, it doesn't have to be like that. Maybe you should focus less on cutting calories and focus more on eating healthy foods, and you'll still probably lose weight.

If you don't want to give up tasty foods, you don't have to give them up. You just have to replace the tasty unhealthy foods with tasty healthy foods. Within a few weeks, when you get used to it, you'll probably like the healthy foods more than the unhealthy foods. If there's an unhealthy food that you REALLY don't want to give up, then eat it in small amounts, and not every day.

Do you dislike exercise because you don't like going to the gym? Because it's boring? Because it takes too long? There are exercises that you can do at home, and you can exercise while watching TV if you want. If you don't want to spend a lot of time exercising, try weightlifting or HIIT, as they burn a lot of calories in a small amount of time (and if you build some muscle, it'll make it easier to lose fat faster). Even just 20 minutes per day, 3 days a week, should be enough to make fast progress (assuming that you also have a good diet). If you like walking, try walking in a different place each day. Check to see if there are any hiking trails in your area.

You can also start small. If it's hard to do everything perfectly, then try to improve your diet and exercise gradually.

Hooray for lifestyle changes! It is possible to live your life & lose weight in a healthy low stress manner. Diets suck!

Since I've started I haven't made any major changes to my diet except for trying to eat less food, junk, smaller portions, and more vegetables. Just little things here and there. I did join a gym and I do 50 minute cardio (heart rate 55-70% of maximum) workouts that usually only burn 150 calories (according to the machine), but hey better than nothing! Since I joined in February I've lost 6.2 lbs to date. That's about 3 months...so about 2 lbs a month which really doesn't seem like much, but it will add up over time.

Meanwhile I've been enjoying birthday parties & snickers bars because life didn't stop just because I decided I was too fluffy for my taste.

However I should note us lifestyle dieters...whether you want to call us lazy or practical, tend to lose it slow. If you are expecting to lose 20 lbs this summer, you're going to have to probably bust some a$$ and eat a lot of rabbit food. The choice is yours , no wrong answer. And you can always change your mind. Best of luck to you .

Awesome advice!!