Hi everyone,

I am here for some accountability....again. I lost a whole bunch of weight a number of years ago and I think I have put most if not all of it back on again. I have realized a lot about myself in the process and now is the time that I am ready to take charge of my life again. I have removed many toxic people and gotten out of toxic environments (moved from MA to OH). I stopped smoking pot and completely stopped drinking. I don't want to numb out my feelings anymore and THIS is the last habit I need to reel in. Food has always been my best friend and I am feeling more alone than ever and I am having a very hard time getting things under control.

I am a Spin and Yoga instructor and feel like a complete hypocrite. I don't want to feel bad anymore. I don't want my son to see me living like this anymore. I have watched him gain the weight that I gain because I am the one feeding us these crappy foods. I want to be in charge of my life again and I feel like I don't know how.

I found such great support in this forum and I need it again. I don't have any friends to hang out with here in Ohio because I ditched the 2 I had because turns out, they were toxic to my well-being too. I'm feeling low today and I am trying to take control of SOMETHING to make me feel better and I know that my food choices are about all I can control right now.

I'm glad to be back posting here. Thanks for letting me get all of that out.

Good morning Vixen! I read this the other morning and just ran out of time to respond. I have a few minutes now...
I feel ya!! I lost a great deal of weight over the course of a few years several years ago. It was rather painless because something just "clicked" and it became a goal of being HEALTHY instead of a NUMBER on the scale. I had an end goal in my head and when I hit that it was a total and complete shock. I had made healthy eating and moving my body such regular part of my life that I couldn't imagine NOT doing all of that...
Fast forward 5 years. Even though I have not gained it all back I am sitting pretty much at half (if not a bit more)above where I felt so good in my skin.
It sucks.
I hate getting dressed in the morning because all my clothes are so dang tight on me and I'm so uncomfortable all day long... I not only refuse to buy bigger clothes I can't afford it. Which scares me because I know that if I COULD I WOULD.
Although I have never been addicted to and drugs I have gotten myself to the edge of wanting, needing, craving alcohol and I KNOW AS I KNOW that that has been the issue over the past few days.
I can pinpoint the exact moment it happened. In all of my 40 plus years at the time (45 to be exact) riding around with a bestie and her BF at the time and discovering that if you put alcohol in a plastic gas station soda cup NO ONE IS THE WISER TO WHAT YOU ARE DRINKNING. Why had I not know that before??lol
I have told no one...but I have spent the last 2 years drinking like that. I can't afford it. Financially or otherwise. When I drink I don't care what I weigh or that I haven't moved my body in weeks. I feel better and work towards my goal.

I realize I am rambling so I will stop now. I just wanted you know that you are not alone. If you want to vent at any time...I am here

We can do this!!!! What other choice do we have?