So I've had a very long history of depression and anxiety related to my body image DETAILED HERE.

I was doing pretty well - I lost 11lbs before my wedding two months ago and gained back 3lbs during the honeymoon and after. I've been maintaining there, but the growing feeling of being stagnant and "feeling fat" is back. We're also in the middle of quite a few really hot days, and what I usually feel in the beginning of the summer is striking now.

My therapist has been encouraging me to start a group exercise class (for accountability/teamwork) and so that I can feel good about what my body can DO rather than focus on numbers. Technically I'm not overweight, but I am heavier than I'd like to be. Yesterday I was so down that I couldn't bring myself to get dressed. The day before I wore jeans and a long black jacket over another layer in 95 degree sweltering heat.

My therapist has also encouraged me to start taking an SSRI. I know it's time for a change, but I'm terrified to start. I have the pills, but I'm ambivalent about taking them. I feel like I can do this myself, but at the same time, I haven't been able to yet. I'm afraid of withdrawal or feeling like a zombie. I self-medicate by drinking (which I wouldn't do anymore) and although I always count those calories, I would probably lose some weight if I keep my eating habits the same and cut out the alcohol.

I'm just looking for support, advice, anything.

Hi Munchy,

I'm not able to give much advice, but support and sympathy I've got. I hate hot weather for several reasons, and it does make me insecure about what I wear and my body's flaws. Also, I had to start a medication a few years back for an autoimmune disease, and it caused/helped me to gain weight (I must take some of the responsibility for this).

Last year I got married (congrats to you by the way!) and was able to lose about 10 lbs. I've managed to gain those back with a few extra for good measure, and now feel pretty crummy about myself. I'm also surrounded at work by young people in their 20s who are skinny and have ample free time to exercise etc., and although I shouldn't care or compare myself to them, I sometimes do. Comparison is the thief of joy, and it always will be.

I agree completely that finding an activity that allows you to enjoy what your body can do, rather than worrying about how it looks, is a great idea. Mine is running. I like that it's solitary, as I felt insecure about myself and my appearance when I joined a running club and realized I was the fattest person there. When I run on my own, it couldn't matter less what I look like. But group exercise can certainly bring social support. I do a bootcamp class occasionally at night, and it can be nice to feel that "we're all suffering together" vibe. I just have to remind myself that it doesn't matter how fit the other people in the class are; it doesn't change ANYTHING about who I am or what I can do.

Hi there,

I really feel for you. You should never self medicate with anything as you know, it will make things much worse. I suffered with depression for years and I am only 26, I came out of my depression last year.

I still take SSRI's for their anxiety uses and I must say I was impressed at how affective they were. I think you should do as the doctor says and take it easy on yourself hun.

Depression is as equal as a heart illness when it boils down to that. It is not to be ignored or pushing it away and hoping it won't come back, you need to treat it head on.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks for your kind words

I know that exercising would make me feel better, but sometimes getting dressed (like the other day) seems insurmountable. I just need to take the first step before I make myself crazy.

Hi Munchy!
This thread is a few weeks olds, but since I just joined today I thought I would comment. I have been taking SSRIs for over 10 years, and they have been a blessing and a curse. If I had the option to start over, I would try some natural options first. Turmeric has recently been proven in quite a few studies to be as effective in treating depression as Prozac. I put in in smoothies, or take a "shot" of it as a paste. I've noticed definite improvements, and I'm hoping to wean from the SSRI I currently take.
Just wanted to give you another option to try. I have nothing against meds for anxiety/depression, but they are definitely hard to get off of and can have some gnarly side effects. Let me know if you want any more info!

Thank you for your input! While I did fill the prescription, I never started taking it. I just can't bring myself to do it yet, until I've exhausted every other resource. Just moving a little bit more, walking, playing with my daughter, etc. has been brightening my spirits.

Part of me wonders if her busy summer traveling, camping, etc without me made everything a little more difficult. Having that little one in the house just makes me so much happier and keeps me focused.

Hi Munchy,
First I have empathy for your situation and I'm so glad you reached out while you're having these feelings. Please be gentle on yourself. You're quite courageous for expressing your struggles and seeking guidance and support.

I've been in your situation as well and it can feel overwhelming at times, but I just want to give you hope that you can get through this. Seriously, taking a moment to just be gentle with your situation and breathe. You are right, you can do this and I think your gut is telling you something when you're feeling afraid of the SSRI and how you will feel taking that medication. You're gut feelings are real and it's your body and mind telling you to pump the breaks a little bit.

Big hugs to you.
Amber

Munchy,

So sorry you are having such problems with depression.

I have read all the posts even from the other thread. I just wanted to give my take on therapy.

As I child I had abuse issue and needed to go see a therapist in my mid 30's. I was close to a break down, I couldn't stop crying.

The 2 things I took away from the sessions is this:

1. When you feel this way write a letter to yourself no one else has to see it. This is just getting it out of your body. I usually will rip it up and say I am done with you (whatever I am feeling). It really works wonders for me.

2. My therapist said I was ok BUT (very important here) sometimes I will need to go in for a tune up (her words) lol. But NOT to let myself get back to the state I was the first time.

This has worked and I have been back 2 to 3 times and these turn ups have helped me to go on and get stronger.

Writing helps me get stronger.

I hope maybe something I have said can help.

You are stronger then you think you are posting this here you are trying to help yourself. That is a good step in the right direction.

(((HUGS)))

LG

Munchy, I am so sorry you are being plagued by those feelings. Are things any better for you now? I feel like I know you a bit, just from being a regular here also. I've always admired your organization when it comes to figuring calorie/nutrion for your meals, your preparation/freezing days and how you sneak veggies into your meals

I also think you are incredibly lovely (from your wedding pics) and I know that doesn't help unless YOU feel that way, just letting you know that about a million others would think you are perfectly-sized just the way you are

I understand the hesitation about starting a drug. Have you decided to ditch that idea? They certainly can help people, or it can take a while to fine-tune.

I love spring/summer, but I don't wear shorts. Ever. People ask 'aren't you hot?' and I'll say I'm fine but I'm not.

sending you best wishes!!

You are all so kind to check in with me

I'm feeling much better lately - likely because it's the end of the summer and starting to get cool. I really do want to kick this whole mindset to the curb and stop going through it every single summer.

I'm still going to therapy and haven't taken the meds. I actually have a follow up with my doctor this Friday and I'm going to call to cancel. We can't check up to see how I'm doing on them if I haven't taken them!

We're all beautiful!

I can relate to the medication issue and wanting to try to do things like this on your own without the meds. But let me tell you, after two years of anxiety, depression and panic attacks, I had enough and started taking a low dose of Zoloft. I am on 50mg and after 3 weeks of getting out of that "fog" I felt great! I don't feel like a zombie at all! I should of done this sooner. Whats' the worst that can happen? You don't like them and try something different.

Thanks to all of you!

As an update, I never filled the prescription and I feel great. I'm not drinking as much, working out more, and just trying to spend more time doing productive things.

As I said before, the issues I have only come out in summer (like a summer SAD), but it's all body-image related. As soon as fall kicks in, I'm so much happier and capable. Hopefully next summer will be the one where I'm not feeling like hiding.