Hello everyone,

My lifestyle is somewhat reminiscent of a pterodactyl during the dinosaur apocalypse. I pillage and decimate all food in sight almost like my body is always preparing for the great starvation. I have liberal amounts of resources prepared for such a crisis. To predict when my food addiction developed would be impossible. As young as 5 I remember stealing and stashing huge bags of marshmallows and chocolate chips in my closet so that I would be able to stuff my face at my leisure. These habits have followed me into adulthood. Food is my vice and crutch.


It is impossible to decide which came first emotional bingeing or low self-worth as a result of the overeating. Was it the feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, depression, anxiousness which I temporarily numbed with food or where those feelings the door prize of my lifestyle and choices. To quote F.B in Austin Powers “I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat”.

I learned my addiction to food could be temporarily “fixed” or repressed in favour of new obsessions: I was able to trade my late night snacking for nights spent drinking, I became addicted to unhealthy relationships and proficient at sabotaging the valuable ones and I spent days, sometimes weeks, in bed, numbing my brain and loneliness with media. I once successful lost over 70 lbs by a fixation on exercising, sometimes up to 6 hours a day. When my body gave out I was lightening quick to resort back to packing on my comfort pounds.


After my multiple failed weight loss experiments, I began searching for direction in my life from “healthier means”. I spent 6 months volunteering and travelling in search of myself, read every single inspirational or self-help book I could get my hands on. I took up meditation, yoga and I have watched more TED talks and Oprah then any person should... ever.

I suppose you like me have come to the conclusion of what I was missing all along …. self-love. I wish admitting would create an “ A-Ha!!” moment which would instantly fill my emptiness and holes with acceptances and gratitude. However, I am sure we know it is more than just knowing what you need it is learning how to provide it for yourself and that is HARD work. Which brings me to this board …..I have had some moderate success from keeping a journal but I need accountability to stick with it. I am hoping by sharing my journey with like-minded people I will find accessible wisdom and support for my rough days and be a cheerleader and friend to those who need it on my good. I have a lot of work to do to fill my pterodactyl sized appetite with love, gratitude and happiness.

I am currently 5'9 and 224 lbs. My only goals are for my health and confidence but being able to show the top half of my arms in public would be a nice reward as well.

- Alexa

That was a great read--you've got writing chops. I record my own thoughts in a food/exercise diary of sorts, but I wanted a little more and joined this forum.

LovingAlexa! In the Support Forum under Support Groups is a thread called "Chicks Up for a Challenge." There are all kinds of accountability threads there, and you are welcome to join any of them! I belong to the June Weight Loss Challenge, and we get new people all month long on the monthly threads, so please feel free to join us! I wish you the best! P.S. I love your writing skills!

Thank you for the lovely words and tips!

I am definitely a "Chick up for a Challenge" so I will be sure to check out that board and the others. I think in order to be successful this time I will have to be forgiving when I make mistakes. In the past, I might have beat myself up, considered my efforts a failure or quit if I slipped up but this time will be different. I am determined to stay motivated, but gentle and kind to myself as well.

I may have had a few too many cookies yesterday, but it is certainly not the end of the world. I really like cookies.

- Alexa

Alexa, I used to have that all-or-nothing mentality with dieting too, back when I was calorie counting. On the diet I'm on now, there is a built-in cheat day each week, when I can eat anything I want. Knowing it's an actual part of the diet helped me not to have those failure feelings, and now I realize even if I were to slip up on a non-cheat day, it's not the end of the world. I just have to jump back on plan! I'm glad you too have figured out that a slip is not a failure. Good luck!

Hi, Alexa. I was like you, beating myself up, trying to figure out what was wrong with me that I couldn't stop eating massive amounts of fattening foods. Then I ran across a free Ebook online. The author said when we eat foods we like, our brain produces dopamine, which makes us feel good. The more of those foods we eat, the more dopamine is produced and the better we feel. If we keep giving in to the cravings, they will continue, and for many of us, they will get worse over time.

The author said the only way to solve the problem is to make the determination that we won't give in to the cravings for those particular foods. When we do that, the next time we crave it, the cravings will be weaker, and will keep weakening each time we cave it, until the cravings stop.

This isn't much fun the first few days, but well worth the effort.