So, after a year-long hiatus from WW (during which time I joined TOPS and didn't get a damn thing out of it), I decided to go back. I bit the bullet two weeks ago and finally went back. I originally lost 65 pounds but I have put back...well, quite a bit of that. Probably over 30 pounds of it. Although I'm not sure exactly how much...and that is where my confession comes in.

Please bear with me...this was a really stupid thing to do and it's hard for me to admit.

While I was doing TOPS (I was in it for five months), I took diuretics to lose water weight for my weigh-ins. And when I went back to WW two weeks ago, I was stupid and took the diuretics before my first meeting. And I did it again last week.

And I have finally decided that I am done with that. I know that a) it's really not a good thing to be doing (I'm a pharmacy tech student and I know what kinds of negative effects they can have on patients who *need* them, let alone people who don't) and b) the "weight loss" I experienced last week was really only water weight anyway, so it isn't even a true reflection of how I did during my week.

So I don't want to do that anymore. But here's the thing: I am *terrified* of going to my weigh-in tomorrow night and seeing that number on the scale. I'm terrified even for the receptionist to see the number, because I know it's going to be waaaayyyyy up from last week (I mean, it HAS to be) and I know she'll wonder what the **** happened to make me go up that much in the run of a week. I've been trying to think of a plausible reason to explain it away so that I don't have to admit my stupidity to her. :/

I've decided that I don't even want to see the number on the scale, so I think I may just stand backward on the scale so that I don't see it.

Like I said...I know that what I've been doing is stupid, and I am determined not to do it anymore. It's just really hard. I'm not even really sure why I wrote this post, except that no one else knows what I was doing and I guess I just need....acceptance? Support? Someone to tell me I'm not an idiot for doing what I did (even though I know I was)? I don't know.

Anyway...thanks for listening.

It takes a lot of courage to admit things... and to start again. But you're doing it and I wish you all the luck in the wold. I'm starting again, too.

It may not be as bad as you think. Either way, it's a matter of just facing it. In my experience, WW doesn't ask you why you had a big gain that week, and you don't need to volunteer it. Just take in the information that tomorrow's weigh in gives you and move forward.

I think if you stuck to the plan this week, it might not be as bad as you expect. It's good to admit that you were wrong, but part of that is facing the music on the scale. Maybe you need to set this week's weight as your starting weight and kinda give yourself a do-over. After all, your other number isn't accurate.

I don't think anyone is going to ask you to explain yourself. Get on the scale, look at the number, own it, and move forward.

That is a very good idea, and it's what I plan to do. Tonight is going to be my fresh start. Thanks for your input! I appreciate it!

FWIW, I've never had someone weighing me at WW ask why I gained so much. Weight fluctuates sometimes by a lot. If one did ask (and I would be surprised if it happened), I might say something like, "Don't know. Must be water weight."

Bear in mind that it doesn't matter in the end what the weight on the piece of paper says. Your body knows what it really is....

Thank you all for the replies. I really appreciate each and every one of them.

A little update as to my weigh-in last night: I was up, as I knew I would be, but I have to say that I was actually amazed that I was up by much less than I expected. I mean, I honestly expected that I would have been up by at *least* nine or ten pounds from last week, because maaaaaan -- the diuretics I was taking were strong and I lost a LOT of water when I was taking them (to the point where I'm pretty sure I was literally dehydrating myself to a dangerous point -- which is part of the reason I was determined to give them up.)

I "gained" a total of 5.2 pounds. Which, I mean, is less than the amount I usually gain after a vacation. I was strangely pleased. Hahaha. So I ended up not saying anything at all to "excuse" the gain, and just went about my weigh-in as usual.

I am so glad to be back with WW, and even more than that, I am so glad that I finally quit the dangerous habit I picked up.

Thank you all again for the replies.

Good for you Snoofie! I myself have been a longtime liar and one who lived in denial for many years about my weight. I would make up excuses about why I could do things or how I was on a diet when I really wasn't. There is an amazing peace that comes over us when we can speak the truth and honestly, you will do so much better in your weight loss journey when you can be honest with yourself. Because after all, it's about you and you alone. This is your journey and no one elses So glad you told us about it and we could be here to support you. Good job!

Snoofie, I'll add my congrats to you for courage and honesty

I have also had a hard time with other people weighing me. Both with WW and a very supportive Ideal Protein coach, I would fast and not get my water in for the day, worry about what clothes to wear so that a 'good' week would entail wearing heavy clothes so that I could hide a bad week by then wearing light clothes. Then I would get into post-WI overeating.

If i had it to do over, I would have requested the weighing person to withhold all comments no matter what the scale showed. Or limit them to 'great job for showing up to the meeting/WI'. It's perfectly okay to ask them not to tell you your weight, but it speaks volumes when they are tactfully silent for a gain but full of praise each time you lose. IMO, they should be neutral every time--it's hard enough to deal with projecting our own inner judgements

I have to say that my WW leaders have *always* been very positive when I have a loss, and even when I had a gain, had the attitude of "tomorrow is a new day!" They have never made me feel bad if and when I gained, which is part of why I always enjoyed my group so much.

Before I got on the scale, I said to the weighing leader that I knew I would have a gain, and I was kind of panicky about it. She said, "I know how hard it is to get on the scale when you're expecting a gain. No matter how much you gained this week, you're here...and that's ALL that matters." When the number settled, all she said was, "You'll have that gone again before you know it."

I really enjoy my group. I'm so glad I went back.

I'm so glad to hear that, Snoofie!