Hi!

In about 2 weeks I've been asked to hold my first ever academic seminars (50 min x 2) at a congress. Nervous due to lack of experience obviously, but the real problem the closer I get to this event is BEING FAT/OVERWEIGHT. I can't even concentrate on preparing the content of my lectures/seminaries because the only thing I think about is, embarrassingly enough: "oh, my God, I will look so fat on stage and I will be so pre-occupied by this that I will make an *** out of myself". When i several months ago said yes to this opportunity I thought "well in May I will have got into shape" (you know the whole "in xxx months I will be thin/thinner" illusionistic thinking), but that hasn't happened as planned. What should I do? Feeling so bad about my looks and extra kilos that I'm thinking about canceling the whole thing, even though I know it's a great (and paid) opportunity. It's just awful to combine "normal" stage fright with this "being fat" hysteria.

No! Do not cancel! The audience will remember your words, not your appearance. Focus on the presentation. As long as you do not cry, swear, faint, freeze, or throw up, no one will remember your performance in a few years anyway....even if one of those things does happen, most will not remember who was responsible.

Plan ahead and find a nice outfit you feel comfortable wearing. At your height, the extra weight is easily disguisable, especially at a distance. Be sure to add a smile and confidence to your wardrobe.

Think Oprah Winfrey, Bette Midler...women who appear large on screen, yet are loved and appreciated....Agnetha Fältskog's "asymmetry" was highly appreciated. Talent makes a stronger impression.

Thanks for the nice pep talk Seemyfeet! I will make a real effort starting tomorrow to plan for it (the actual presentation but also clothes etc.) and hopefully that will make it more mentally manageable.

You can overcome it. My job requires me to be on stage at least once a week if not 2-4 times. I've learned that weight has almost nothing to do with how you will be perceived up there. I see photos of myself in my past performances and the things that bothered me the most about those pics is seeing my bad posture and lame clothing.

Posture is the very first thing people will notice about you, not so much if you have good posture but it is very noticeable if you have bad posture or weak posture. If you don't LOOK confident it sends a message for people not to take you seriously. So I work very hard to have good posture, my physical therapist really helped me out with this one and taught me exercises that would isolate and strengthen the right muscles for this head to toe. But it's not just muscle work, it has to be put into practice on a daily basis in order for that to become first nature to you. This ted talk is a help about body language http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_y...re?language=en If I remember correctly she talks about power posture too which you will need to do if you're going in front of people.

Choosing the right clothing is also very important. I look for something that will photograph well from all angles because with social media and everyone holding a smartphone pictures will be out there. Even a glimpse of my shoe has to look good. Dark clothes are good for this with pops of color in accessories. I use a little self tanner so that I don't look pasty under the lights, I make sure my eyebrows are well defined because if I don't they wash out under the hot lights of the stage.

It takes some practice but you can learn to be more comfortable on stage both in how you look, how you feel and how you come across.

Thank you so much for your supportive post Palestrina! I'm impressed that you go on stage so often and so "easily" I think the whole photo thing makes it so much worse, I can possibly face the audience (ca 100 people), but knowing that photos will be taken and probably up loaded creeps me out, knowing that I'm not looking my best at any angle right now (the double chin photos etc - aaah!). Anyhow...I will try to find some clothes and look at the ted talk. I know I might be perceived as super egocentric, obviously the people coming to the lecture don't/won't care almost at all about how I look, but I just got into this self-conscious critical phase were everything gets blown out of proportion when it comes to my looks/weight. Thanks again!

They do care how you look. But not in the same way you care. They want you to look confident, comfortable, authentic, and knowledgeable. They don't care what you wear, they care about how you feel in your own skin. Insecurity reads loud and clear all the way up to the nosebleed seats. Take it from me, I performed 2 concerts in Carnegie hall this weekend