Hi, I am a long time lurker and love reading everybody's posts, I wanted some insight today.

I weighed 200+ back in 2011. My goal was to get down to my college weight of 140. I made it all the way down to 137 (healthy weight per BMi for my 5'2'' self) that same year, I did it the healthy way (diet and exercise). I kept going down, all the way down to 120 in 2013. Sadly at this point I became obsessed with the scale and I had a bulimia relapse. I discovered running which helped me tons with my body image and I've since recovered, ran 2 marathons, several halves, and countless other races in the last two years. In the process of getting healthier and not obsessed with food, I've regained some weight, I am at 137 as of this morning, pretty steady over the past 3-4 months. Stronger, faster, and healthier than ever before even if not as skinny as I was 2 years ago.

Part of me thinks I should be happy at this weight for now. Sort of like goldilocks, not too fat (morbidly obese at 200), not too skinny (120 but with an eating disorder), just right (137, which means that at 5'2'' I do have love handles and saddlebags BUT I am not obsessing over every morsel). Has anybody else dealt with this "recalibrating" of what your final weight should be? I also think I need to be flexible with myself and understand that weight may fluctuate at different stages of my life as long as I am active and don't go back to being overweight/obese/morbidly obese I need to be ok with being a tad fluffy because that may be what is sustainable for me in the long term. Any insights?

ETA / don't mind the signature below, I have no weight loss goal at this moment, I just have to edit it.

Hi Charin,
I am having this type of experience at the moment. Like you, I've found my peace with my body by exercising. Running has absolutely been the best thing for me, and I regularly run marathons (and am training for a 50K right now). I do know that the running would be easier on my joints if I were lighter. I had reached my lowest weight since high school (20+ years ago) last year, but then regained over 10 lbs. Most of this was due to stress eating, but I do think a small part is also muscle gain from a bootcamp I started last year. I enjoy seeing new muscle appear as a result of the lifting. I am much stronger and fitter, and I like my body more, than the last time I was at this weight. The difficulty is of course in deciding to accept it as my "new" maintenance weight. I mentally am not there just yet, but I'm much closer than I used to be. I think what I am aiming for is to lose a bit since I am in a pretty good place mentally right now, knowing that when things get rough again (they always do) I may gain a few back. Like you said, the fluctuating is part of weight maintenance.

thanks JayZeeJay! Wow a 50k! I've been thinking of signing up for one to celebrate my 40th birthday later this year. Still thinking whether I want to make the commitment. Kudos to you!

Charin, that's why I'm running this 50K - I'm turning 40 this month!

Are you asking: Is it okay to settle or be contented with the way things are?

Yes.

Do I think your being okay with your current weight of 137 is acceptable behavior, and not a sign that you are heading back toward 200?

Yes.

Do I think it's all right if women don't spend the rest of their lives remaining exactly at the lowest body weight they ever attained in their adult lives?

Yes.

For me, it's about peace of mind with myself. When I'm not happy with my bodily state, it usually means I'm not happy with other stuff about my life. It becomes part of a general larger self-improvement project.

If you're over & done with self-improvement projects, other than maybe running harder & longer, then it's okay: You do you.

First off, congrats on all of your achievements!

There are a couple different things I figured I would mention on this topic.
1) It's totally okay to move your "goal" weight up and decide to settle somewhere higher than you originally thought. Especially if maintaining anything lower is really hard and you resort to disordered eating to do it, and maintaining a higher weight is easier and results in healthier behavior overall.
2) Sometimes if you get more fit, your weight will go up due to extra muscle. I changed my goal weight from 130 to 135 after doing a strength training program because I realized that even though the number on the scale was higher, I was fitting into the same clothes and even some smaller sizes. If you've been exercising a lot more lately this may be relevant to your recent weight gain.

You may also settle in to this weight for a year or two, and then with a completely different mindset decide to aim 10 pounds (or whatever) lower in a healthy way. We reinvent ourselves every few years, and that's just fine: "It's a marathon, not a sprint."

Wow ladies, I knew you would get my question, it almost feels like you are inside my brain.

@saef, you nailed all the questions going through my head. Thanks for verbalizing what I couldn't.
@paperclippy *some* of it may be muscle but most of it is fat and that is fine. What's funny is that my current weight was my original goal, I just kept going past it like the overachiever I am, so technically I am at goal and should be fine with it.
@neurodoc I think that's what I will do. Focus in maintaining at this weight and revisit when I feel ready.

All of you have been extremely helpful, thanks so much.