Aaaaaaand I'm back...again....I can't believe I have to lose the weight again...

Depending on how you look at it either I've proven I can lose my pregnancy weight each time or I've shown that I cannot control my eating when pregnant. I'm going to try to look at it from a positive point of view.

Either way it discouraging to see this pile of weight that I have to lose again!

This pregnancy unlike my others, I ate mostly clean and exercised, I actually ran and cycled. But the weight still packed on bc I just eat too much when pregnant. I'm now EBF so I have to be careful about keeping my calories high enough and my weight loss slow. Although honestly, I have been so hungry I have yet to meet my calorie goal for the day, I go over by a lot everyday.

I know some of you know my history but for those that don't I have a history of ED with restricting and binging, plus excessive exercise...postpartum is very triggering for me because I have only been these high weights after each baby. I can get enough weight off pretty quick if formula feeding, so I'm in a range that doesn't give me so much anxiety. When I have formula fed I can start dieting asap, but with bf its a lot harder bc I don't want to decrease my milk and bc I'm so hungry all. the. time.!!!

Also I can't exercise how I want bc I have to be available to baby for BFing...Its so early I haven't started a pumped supply yet. If I were ff I could leave baby with dh and get on the treadmill for a good amount of time, but right now the baby is eating about ever 20 mins, I know this doesn't last, but its stressful...anyway, despite this I'm going to bf bc I can and want to above my want to lose weight.

So I am pretty anxious a lot though. I don't want anyone to see me! Next to taking care of the kids, its the only thing I can think about. So I figured if I got started even if it super slow it might help me be a little less anxious bc I'll know I'm at least trying to lose weight.

First of all, you are AMAZING!
Every time, you lost the weight - and every time, as I see from your ticker, your starting post-pregnancy weight is lower! Also, given your history of ED, anxiety etc., it's pretty impressive you decided to breastfeed, because, as you say, bf makes losing weight a lot more complicated for many of us.

I know something about that. Currently breastfeeding my second lot of twins.
I wake up hungry and I go to bed hungry and if I'm not hungry, I still eat, because I'm exhausted. Sooo much fun, isn't it? BUT! It's totally worth it. For you, and for the baby. Actually I work as a medical translator and I just happened to finish a major project, translating dozens of scientific articles about breastfeeding and its positive impact on both the baby's development and mother's health. I felt quite encouraged to carry on breastfeeding, even though my younger twin girls are approaching their first birthday.

You are a mother of four so you know it all. About losing weight while bf, I would just point out that it's the first weeks that are impossible, because you need to establish your milk supply. Around month 3 I found out I could pretty much eat anything (or nothing at all) and my milk would still be there. Maybe I'm lucky that my milk doesn't go away, but I'm thinkjng - there are women in Africa who BF for years and years! So once the supply is established, I don't think going down on calories (within reason) can endanger your bf effort.

Plus, bf makes me so hungry I'm really not at riskt of restricting my calories TOO much if you know what I mean!

Anyhow, I wouldn't be hard on myself during first 6-8 weeks, your body needs time to adjust, your hormons need to find a balance. Just don't overeat on chocolate and junk, it's not good for your or the baby anyway. And once you're back to some sort of normality, you can start experiemnting with calories intake. I'm pretty confident you will find your way around, you've already done it three times, and the fourth time will be the charm

BTW, don't beat yourself up about pregnancy weight. I've went through two twin pregnancies, I watched my sister go through four prgnancies, and many of my friends, and it occurs to me that for many women there's actually very little they can do about gaining weight when pregnant. Some bodies are just like that (my sister's, for example): they REQUIRE the extra calories. I wouldn't need my sister to even tell me she's pregnant: the second I see her really stuffing her face, I just know I'm in for another niece or nephew And if you are like that. it's because your body knows what it's doing.

And anyhow, you will lose it again. Good luck on your last journey!

GlamourGirl, ! I know it is hard when you have weight-related anxiety and a complicated history, but PLEASE go easy on yourself! Your baby is barely 10 days old! Right now you should be focusing on healing from childbirth, resting, and soaking up that little baby sweetness.

I breastfed my three children and honestly, baby weight was the easiest weight I ever lost. Unless you are having problems with your milk supply, I wouldn't worry too much about your calorie intake affecting it. I'd wait at least 6 weeks just to get through the brunt of it, but by then baby should be going longer between feedings and you can experiment.

Again, I know it's easier said than done, but also don't worry about exercising right now. Nursing that often is probably as good as a workout.

When you're ready -- do you have any Stroller Strides or Baby Boot Camp classes near you? I did BBC and you can bring your little one(s) along.

Is there any reason you haven't pumped yet (other than it sounds like you are constantly nursing)? I'm sure you know this -- but pumping will help your supply. (I am remembering now that my pumping decreased with each child -- no time to pump when I had other kids to juggle, too! So I'm sure that's a challenge for you as well).

I wish you all the best -- but most of all I hope that you will let yourself get the rest and nourishment you need right now.

And congrats on the baby

I just wanted to say that I'm in awe of your determination. I've seen you here before and I've sort of seen you do it, so I know you can. It might take a bit longer and it might be very challenging, but from what I've seen, you're very strong and focused. Just do the best you can every day. Try to implement everything you know to the best of your ability and be patient with yourself. I wish you good sleep and a wonderful experience with your baby!

First I want to say I'm sorry for taking so long to reply. The days are a blur but nice, the house is so full of life (and noise and chaos lol) I'm typing w/ 1 hand and since starting have already had to stop twice to tend to the kids lol....

Thank you all so much for your replies. I cannot say enough how incredibly encouraging and helpful they are. The only person irl that knows about this is Dh, and he's very sweet about it, but doesn't understand and I feel he's tired of hearing about, though he would never tell me that.

I've been eating clean, everything since delivery has been very nutritious, no junk. But my goodness, its a lot.

While I was typing this we had a unexpected visitor, one of dh's coworkers that we have become friends with. I'm dressed but I was so embarrassed to see them. I think my plan is to avoid seeing anyone until I lose weight, how ever long that takes...The house is fairly neat, but I've been sleeping on a lounge chair downstairs and out pack n play it there for baby. We are out of room in this house, and this way the baby or I don't wake the other kids during the night...anyway all my stuff is downstairs and there's a ton of blankets and pillows all over bc that thing is so uncomfortable!! It looks like a crazy slob sleeps there...and I feel like being fat just adds to that...its a pretty twisted thought, and I'm pretty aware of where its rooted, but I was so anxious while they were here, all of 5 mins (dropping off gift for baby) and I keep thinking they were judging me for this sleeping arrangement and for getting so fat...ugh...thanks for letting me vent, helps to decrease the anxiety a little...