Hi Everyone!
I've been struggling with my weight for a few years now, but lately I feel like its gotten much harder. On the one hand, my friend has recently lose 20 lbs. While I am happy for him, I'm not happy with how he makes me feel: he's become very arrogant about losing the weight, he made sure everyone knew that he had to buy a new wardrobe; he hardly ever eats, so when I reach for a snack around him I feel like a tremendous failure. I just want to tell him to sh*t up! I feel absolutely terrible, I feel like i'm in a competition that I've already lost. I feel terrible.
On the other hand, I should be absolutely motivated to lose the weight because of my Fall plans, but for some reason nothing seems to stick. I know that if i don't lose the weight (or at least the majority of it before the fall) I will hate myself, but for some reason I can't seem to stick to my diet. What is going on with me? what can i do to remain motivated and finally lose the weight?

Thank you!

Motivation, like the moon, waxes and wanes. It's not uncommon to find yourself in a slump. Take heart, this will pass.

As far as your friend, STOP fussing about him. Since when, did you make what he does your problem? He is not making you feel bad, you are making you feel bad, so STOP!

Quit HATING yourself! Take a breath, you are a good person! Never say anything mean to you, that you WOULD NOT, say to someone else! Love yourself, embrace the successes. Slip ups, happen, but they help us learn how to do better the next time.

It's all good!

Oh, my. I cannot stress how awful and wrong these sorts of people are. No offense to your friend, but this is really not the right attitude. It's a decision he's making now, so if he's trying to impose it on others do remember that it's a) none of his business and b) something he didn't follow all his life, either, so it might even be a bit hypocritical to judge others for not making the same decision.

If he's not eating much, I'm afraid he's in the wrong, too. Your body needs nutrients, food should never be seen as something to avoid to lose weight - on the contrary, it helps your body shed the reserves it has if you're feeding it well. The fittest and healthiest people I know eat all the time, but they eat well and that already makes all the difference.

Also, maybe you could focus a bit on your progress! If you're eating what you're supposed to, he has nothing to do with it. If it's really bothering you, it really might a good idea to (kindly) tell him to shut up a bit. But it's definitely not something to think of competitively - each body changes at their own rate, each person starts at a different point. I remember thinking that way, too, until a couple of years later, I saw someone make the same progress I wanted to make in the time that I was stalling and falling back. It didn't matter that they started later, or that they took many months, because they made it! In the meantime, I was putting myself down and not making any progress at all. So I had to wake myself up a bit.

Well, in my case, what's been keeping me motivated is not a specific goal but wanting to be healthier. I'm doing this for me to be comfortable in my own body, and out of love for myself, and with that attitude, a lot has changed for me. For example, I'm trying tons of healthy recipes because my goal is not to just get the nutrients but to enjoy it, to like healthy food and its taste, and that goal has really been keeping me at it. I also try to enjoy exercise, and while it's hard, my progress on that has been helping me keep up my workout. Maybe that'll help you, too! Try to love it, to make it a lifestyle you enjoy instead of something you need to do.

Hi there,

I couldn't agree more with shcirerf. You need to stop waiting around for the motivation to come to stay because it doesn't. It comes and goes as it pleases.

There are always going to be things within your control and things that are not. Your friend's behavior, whether you feel motivated, whether you lose x number of pounds by your Fall plans, all are out of your control.

What is 100% under your control is how you take care of yourself, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. There is nothing stopping you from committing to making the best choices possible everyday. You wouldn't brush your teeth based on how motivated you we're to do so, or whether or not anyone else brushed theirs. You do it because it's necessary to take care of your body. So is eating healthfully, maintaining a healthy weight, and getting regular exercise.

Let me tell you something about hating yourself. It might get you started, but if hating yourself led to long term change, we'd all be maintainers. Positive long term change usually comes from a place of loving yourself enough to know you are worth the effort.

Hang in there! You can do this!

Agreed with shcirerf entirely. Also, just to add.. is it possible that your friend isn't really doing anything out of the normal, your perception of it is just warped because of how you're viewing yourself? Or is he actively trying to tell you what to do, calling you a failure, or saying you should lose faster? The former isn't a bad friend, the later is.. and really if it's the later I would say distance yourself.

It didn't really sound (from your post) that he was intentionally saying anything to make you feel bad, more that him celebrating his success made you feel bad, or his form of diet. I know I've let my mom, and folks on the board, or on MyFitnessPal know when previous clothes are fitting looser.. and I will be letting them know when I've officially gone down a pants size. It's a celebration for me, an accomplishment that I want to share. Likewise, I'm happy when people share that stuff with me.. losing weight is difficult, and I'm sure he is just sharing because he's happy he accomplished it, not trying to shame you for not doing so.

Additionally, you hardly ever see him eat. That doesn't mean he hardly eats. He may have a strict diet and just do the majority of his eating when he isn't also being social.

Basically, try not to be judgmental, and keep in mind that him sharing his successes probably doesn't have anything at all to do with you. He's just celebrating what he's accomplished. Keep positive about yourself, and try not to take things in a negative way (which is a sign of negative thinking).

Thank you all so much for your advice! it's helped a lot!

Thank you!

All the best,
Elle473