I have recently returned to bingeing, after having previously conquered it to lose 75 lbs, and going through skin removal surgery.
It's gotten so bad that I can't keep food in the house, because I will literally eat it all every time its cookies, kale, or anything. I have to eat everything, and I literally have never once in my life felt full, only trained myself to stop.
I end up desperately hungry, so I end up eating at drive thru-s, or eating literally whatever I can get, as if food will never be available again . Even if I force myself to eat way over maintenance in healthy foods, i get really bad sugar cravings, and can think of nothing else for literally days, until i eventually get some.
Additionaly, I find that Im incredibly tired lately. Ive always been a person that sleeps a lot, but lately i cant wake up, sleeping through multiple alarms, even once a smoke detector going off. And i feel like im tired, in a weird way, deep in my muscles. Ive been working out semi regularly (2x a week for 1-2 hours) and seen no increase in ability to lift, with a decrease in endurance weights.
I have had several stressors, which I think have brought it on, one of which is that I have a semi- stressful but good job where I regularly work 8 hour shifts without a lunchbreak. My house is stressful, but I am stuck in a lease. Additionally, about six months ago, I gave up one apartment, and a good job to pursue a worthwhile venture that didn't end up panning out, so i think that may contribute, as i still feel guilty about the failure.
I have many loving and supportive people in my life, but none of them understand that i cant just "eat healthy", or "wake up earlier". Or Because Im no longer obese, they say i shouldn't be worried about dieting, but i know the slope i went down before, and that once your overweight its a lot harder to solve.
So Im not really sure what I'm looking for here, mostly to vent, find support from people in similar places, and look for any suggestions on what might be up with me .
Also, I wanted to ask if anyone on here has experience talking to a Dr. about disordered eating? I have a doctors appt soon, and will definitely ask about being tired, but am afraid if I talk to a Dr. about an "eating disorder" they'll not be able to do anything helpful, and just put me on generic antidepressants, which i want to avoid. Has this been anyones experience? I
previously tried to go to a (free college) counselor, and they told me i should just "try eating off smaller plates" so I never went back.
Thanks for reading, and responding!

<<<hugs>>> and more <<<hugs>>>>

I'm so sorry you find yourself back in this destructive cycle.

Regarding the doctor, don't be afraid to talk about the disordered eating, along with your other symptoms. You don't HAVE to take an antidepressant if you don't want to -- so definitely list all your symptoms and hear what the doctor has to say. Her medical advice might be worth hearing or it might not, you can always just say you need to think about her suggestions before starting any drug routine and leave. But I think you want to give her all the information to work with, otherwise it is pointless to seek medical advice.

How did you break the cycle previously? How long have you been out of it -- were you totally binge free for a long period of time, or were you having occasional binges that were becoming more and more frequent? And can I assume that the methods you used previously to break the cycle just aren't working for you this time around?

And are your feelings towards food the same in this binge cycle as in the past or are they different? Just prior to this cycle beginning what was your relationship with food looking like? Was it pretty healthy looking, or was it becoming overly-restrictive or overly permissive or.... ?

Maybe be examining the details of what's going on you can find some clues to help you in your current situation.

I wish I could offer you definitive answers to solve the immediate problem, but as you know, I can't. The binge cycle is very tricky and very individual. But we are here for you and we definitely understand the struggle, even if no one around you does.

First I want to say welcome to the forum. I can sense the fear and panic in your post. Your friends don't understand what's happening to you but you know yourself well and if you know that you're on a big cycle then you have good reason to worry. I know when I'm on a binge cycle it's like an avalanche, you can't stop it.

I know exactly what you mean about reaching out for help about an eating disorder. I reached out to a few therapists about my eating disorder and they all wanted to treat it in a way that was completely ineffective for me too. I was put on anti depressants too. I was told how to portion control, eat on small plates, fill up on healthy foods and none of these tricks deterred me from binging. I was promised that if I quit eating carbs that I would stop wanting carbs. I was promised that if I changed WHAT I ate that I would change WHO I was. But none of that worked, everytime I got into the groove of eating "the way others thought I should" I would eventually spiral out of control into a binge fest. The more I tried the worse I failed.

You've managed to lose a lot of weight, did you happen to do that by restricting your food? I ask because bing eating disorder is caused by restriction. The more you restrict the greater the rebound binging is. When you restrict you cause your body to panic, and it literally acts "as if food will never be available again." This causes you to overeat, bypass your natural hunger/fullness signals and feel completely out of control around food. I've been there, it's not fun.

So after all the counselors and therapists I saw I finally found someone who helped me in the way that I needed help. I started seeing a nutritional therapist who specializes in Intuitive Eating, which is a way of learning to understand your natural hunger and fullness cues. Of course you don't know what hunger and fullness means now, you're not eating out of hunger anyway. Because if you were eating for hunger then you would eventually feel full. But you don't, you're eating because your body is rebelling against restriction.

The great thing about IE is that it teaches how to address your emotional needs without food, and it makes eating enjoyable once again. It's very hard to explain in one post but there are a lot of resource that can be helpful. We have a thread in the General Diet Plans section of the forum, there are books out there than can help like Intuitive Eating, Overfed Head, and Overcoming Overeating, and there's some videos on youtube by Josie Spinardi that I find very helpful, try this one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPcySDVHMzg

Don't worry, you're not alone, only those of us who binge can fully understand what you're going through, but there is a way out! I haven't binged in months, I've lost weight and I eat healthier now than I ever did - not because I force myself to but because I love healthy food now. And I'm much happier now that I don't USE food to deal with my emotions.

If you're incredibly tired lately, you should check with your doctor. There are things that might be causing this -- iron deficiency is a big one, and vitamin D deficiency. Sleep apnea, regardless of weight, is another possibility. If you sleep with a partner (that isn't, say, a cat) in the room, ask them if you snore, that's a sign of sleep of apnea and it can make you exhausted.

I say this while I myself am having the same problem. I know I need to get my iron levels checked since I suffer from chronic anemia.

First of All, thank each of you for taking the time to respond. It means a lot.
I did still binge occasionally, but feel like really learned to get past the self hatred part of the binge cycle, and that made a huge difference. Previously I have suceeded through pretty strict regimes of forcing myself to overeat certain low calorie food so i wouldn't be hungry, and limiting sugars, but with longer work hours, this doesn't seem to work, because after 8-10 hours of not eating, anyone would be hungry. I also look it as a zen meditation, knowing that i would always have the desire, whether i ate it or not, the next day id still want x foods, so looked at managing desire.
I dont think attitudes towards food have changed much, but I think that this episode was initially triggered by undereating, i went a remote on site training for previously mentioned failed opportunity, and once on site, it turned out that they didnt provide veg food, so it would be literally 1-2 days sometimes between finding something i could eat there. Allowed myself to eat as had lost an unhealthy amount of weight, and havent fully bounced back to normal. Had it in control for a while, but then decided to try being vegan for thirty days, but after two weeks felt like i wasnt getting enough food (despite supplementing for adequate nutrition) and binging has been out of control since then. another factor is that i recently made a friend that really enjoys eating out, so i now have a social pressure to go to places with such high calorie foods i have to either not eat later, or say screw it, and abandon all hope for the sinking calorie ship.

Wannabeskinny
Thanks for the links, I checked out the Josie Spinardi video and it was definitely relatable. Ive used similar ways of thinking in the past, to help get eating under control. Im certainly going to check out the rest.

As I mentioned before in the last reply, I had of period of a remote training camp for work, where i was quite literally starving, meals were provided, and sometimes it would be up to two days before i could eat any of the meals, and that restriction cycle initially started this. I read several studies afterwards, that said it was biologically normal to want to consume increased calories for up to six months post- starvation, and ive recently passed that mark. The binging cycle improved briefly, but has recently just gone from somewhere i felt like it was manageable, to a place where i feel really out of control of it.

rabidstoat

Glad to Know there's other people out there, not just me. I was previously diagnosed with iron defiency, so i always take iron pills, as well as multivitamins. I tried adding protien/vitamin shakes, but still incredibly tired. Will definitly be asking my doctor.

I'm glad to see you post, I've kept you in my thoughts and I hope are at least feeling hopeful that you can weather the binge storm and get back to a more even keel.

Progress, not perfection, would be the goal I'd keep firmly in my mind if I were currently in your shoes. Sending you healing thoughts, and energy, and vibes. Sending it all.