I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to get to a normal weight or stay big, but just get into smaller sizes. I was thinking of instead of dieting, stopping the things I do that make me big, like binge eating and not exercising. And then just see where my body ends up. But then I worry that what if this weight is as low as I will go?

Maybe I'm afraid to have a goal because I'm afraid it can't be reached. I have never been a normal weight. And a lot of the people I know who diet either never reach their goal weight or they have to starve themselves to get there and most of the time, they don't stay there.

That's why I don't want to diet, but change my bad habits. But what if that isn't enough? I was thinking of setting small goals, but then I worry about not even reaching the first one. How long will it take me to know if changing my habits is working? And besides how I eat and exercise, is there any other areas I should think of to see if there's anything else to fix? And should I start out real slow, like before I start exercising stop binging or can I start walking and stop binging at the same time?

*hugs*

You're doing such a great job, and it doesn't matter where you end up because you're already so much healthier than when you started. I bet you feel better physically, too...

Personally I set goals that aren't based on how much weight I lose or what size I fit into. My goal is to log calories consistently, and to a lesser extent, to stay near a target average. But every few months I reward myself just for logging my calories consistently, because that's something I do have control over and it's sustainable for me.

If it works for you to just cut out bad habits I think that should be enough. You can always reevaluate after a month or two to see if you're beginning to get the results you want from that technique. I'd just say, really give it a chance if you're going to do things that way. This isn't a race—it's a long process, and the slower you get there the more sustainable it will be.

Keep up the awesome work. I'm rooting for you!

Long-term weight management requires long-term changes. That means habits and diet should both be changed for good.

I set goals that I think I can achieve. I see you are only 12 lbs away from yours, I'm sure you can do it. As for myself my goal of 240 is actually a BMI of nearly 30, straddling overweight and obese. If I don't get there, it's fine, because I am much healthier now. If I do, I will reevaluate to see if I want to lose more.

One of the good things about being very overweight is that it is very easy to lose weight with small lifestyle adjustments. Use small changes and the scale to motivate you to make bigger changes.

The small changes add up to a lifestyle change that can be sustained and does not involve starving yourself. I eat tons now. Yes, it is healthy stuff. But my body and metabolism have changed too. I am a different person.

Never diet, eat right and exercise is all you need to worry about. So here is what you should eat; protein (make sure you eat enough for your weight), fiber, veggies, beans, fruits, and drink plenty of water. Stop worrying about diets, just eat right. The right nutrients helps your system work properly, you will lose weight and be healthy.

How does one stop binging? Is there an off button? Is it simply a decision that one makes like "oh I'm going to binge today" or "I don't feel like binging right now." Because in my world, binging is not a choice, it's a compulsion that's so uncontrollable that it ruins your whole life day in and day out. I can be "good" and eat the "right" foods for days at a time but when that compulsion to binge comes around I can't control it anymore than I can control a raging bull out of its pen and anyone who says that they can control their urge to binge is just lying to themselves.

Because binging is a coping mechanism that some people use to deal with whatever emotions their body can't handle. Finding real solutions to life's problems, exploring new ways to cope with stress, fear, anxiety, frustration, anger etc provides a tangible way for bingers to deal with their emotions. I've been doing that for a year and have seen real progress in controlling my binging.

Oh how I wish that it was just a simple decision to stop binging.

I believe in the power of habit. I lost 45 lbs by calorie counting and kept it off for 3 years. During the last 6 months or so, though, I've noticed that I've been putting on some weight, and after some thinking about it and being honest with myself, I realized it is because although I was calorie counting, I really never established disciplined habits. Now, I'm exploring the NoS diet---basically eating three one-plate meals a day of whatever you like except sweets (No Sweets, No Seconds, No Snacks---except on S days: Saturday, Sunday, Special Occasions). On weekends and on special occasions (e.g., your birthday, holidays, etc), let loose a bit and eat a few treats. This is the way people ate in our modern past, and they were thinner and less food- and diet-obsessed than we are. I had tried it before and gave up too soon, but this time around, it feels freeing to eat what I want . . . within boundaries. And those boundaries are not onerous. I know that I can have a turkey sandwich and a small bag of chips for lunch if I want (it fits on a plate). It's socially convenient, too; if I go out with friends, I don't have to stress about looking up calories at the restaurant or adding up every component of the meal. I am moderating my calories naturally without micromanaging them (sometimes too much awareness is not good; knowing how many calories I was eating eventually made me obsessed with "saving" then so that I could pig out on junk). I'm not one who wants to spend an inordinate amount of thinking about food and dieting because when I do, I find that it backfires and I end up overeating.

How do you want to live your life? Sometimes, carrying an extra 10-15 may not be our ideal, but is it really worth all that it will take to get down to that weight? For me, I've already decided that I am going to eat my 2-3 meals a day of normal food (using some common sense because I do care about my health), treat myself occasionally, and let the weight fall where it may. I've got one life to live and if I have to struggle and strive every day just to stay at a certain weight, well maybe my body just wasn't meant to be that weight. In the book Thin for Life, a study of the habits of those who have lost and maintained weight for 5+ years, one of the findings was that people who fall within that category kept the weight off----within 10 lbs or so. If I remember correctly, not many of them kept their lowest weight consistently, but they did maintain the majority of their weight loss. That tells me something that I think is common sense/intuitive: Not all people are meant to be super thin. Some people are meant to be a bit heavier. I'm not meant to be super thin (in fact, I look terrible when I've been there), nor am I willing to make all the sacrifices it takes to get there.

lin43 I like everything you wrote. Habits, yes! Boundaries yes, onerous, no! I'm digesting everything you said, it makes total sense and it works.

Palestrina, thanks for the encouragement. I feel like all these years of dieting and introspection have had some use for me. When I was in my 20's, I only regularly ate unprocessed fruits & veggies when dieting; when I was off of the diet du jour, I would pig out on chips, sweets, etc. Over time, though, (many years), I found that I started to love the healthier foods and even my unhealthier foods were still at least "gourmet," homemade, etc. Over the years, I've tried IE now and again (and I'm not knocking it, because I know it has helped you quite a bit), and even though I was ultimately unsuccessful with it, it did help me to realize what real hunger was----as opposed to mind hunger, as I call it. It also helped me to realize that I shouldn't be so down on myself for being a disordered eater because even "naturally thin" people have something that they're not so great at (e.g., I'm much better at budgeting money than my husband is; it just comes more naturally to me than to him, but eating moderately comes more naturally to him than to me).

My most recent foray into calorie counting (the past three years) has taught me that I actually work best within more defined boundaries. Just having a weekly calorie total was fine for a while because it allowed me the eating freedom that I thought I wanted, but ultimately, it isn't working out because it is too much freedom. I need more defined boundaries, in the form of habits. I have been doing great so far with the 2-meal a day approach (occasionally 3 meals a day, but I'm aiming for two). I actually feel incredibly free. I don't have to think about food at all other than the usual "what's for dinner." I find that the less I think about eating, nutrition, calories, etc., the better off I am. I'm mildly aware of eating more fruits and veggies w/ my meals, but I like them anyway, so it works out. Also, if I eat 2 meals a day, I actually have the chance to get hungry for my meals, and that helps me identify what I REALLY want to eat as opposed to letting the calories dictate what I can "get away with" eating (i.e., sometimes I would eat the most fattening thing allowed by my calorie allotment because I could, not necessarily because I actually desired it). Yesterday, for instance, I got home from church around 11:00, and I had not eaten anything yet. I was hungry, and what I truly desired more than anything was Greek yogurt, berries, a bit of honey, and a few crumbled nuts on top. I desired that combination of textures. I ate that, and I was completely satisfied. Hunger not only makes everything taste so much better, but it helps me identify what I REALLY want to eat.

We'll see how this goes, but so far, just staying within the habit feels great.

Only if you defy the laws of physics. When there is a calorie deficit, there will be weight loss. Best wishes on your journey. You can tell from your post you have the passion, the curiousity, and the "will to lose," to turn a popular phrase on its head!

I identify with everything you're saying here. I know I get pegged as the die hard IEer around here but my goal is not to become an expert Intuitive Eater but to achieve freedom from food obsessions. I too feel best when only eating 2 meals a day and for the exact same reasons. But I don't aim to be careless about what I eat, I follow guidelines too as all normal eaters do, like I prefer not to indulge in certain foods unless it's a special occasion because eating too much cake makes me feel yucky, truly. Unlike other IErs I prefer to wait until I'm very hungry before I eat and I also realize that when I'm eating from head hunger food doesn't taste good. It's all about learning new behaviors, healthy behaviors that I can adhere to instead of rigid rules that end up backfiring me. A healthy mind means a healthy body for me.