I've lost 85 pounds so far, but I don't feel any different in my skin. I feel exactly the same when I look in the mirror. It's funny. When I was big I thought I looked alright in the mirror, but when I saw pictures I would cringe. Now I am ecstatic when I see pictures, but I cringe every time I look in the mirror.

When I put pictures of then and now side by side I know I look a lot different. You can see my collar bone, my face has thinned out a ton, and obviously my body is smaller. I sit differently. I absolutely love sitting with my feet up hugging my knees because it was so uncomfortable before and it's not at all uncomfortable now. I can feel a lot more of my bones now. Shaving is funny because I can more easily reach places, but I have to be more careful because I now that my shin bone isn't covered by as much fat it's easier to cut myself.

I know I've lost weight on an intellectual level, but I'm not feeling it emotionally. I still feel humongous.

I'm still about 6 pounds over weight. I still want to lose a good 30 or so pounds. What worries me is that I'm so close to healthy, but I don't feel like I look healthy or close to healthy at all.

I'm terrified that I'll get safely inside the healthy weight category and still feel as fat as I feel right now.

Hi Olly! Great topic, and common issue, when you have to learn to love yourself all over again. I have been overweight since I was about 8 years old, so I can't recall myself as anything but. However my highest weight was 350 lbs., my current weight is 253.2 and I sometimes have a hard time realizing how dramatically different my body is from then to now. In my case it is probably easier to understand as I am still very overweight (not sure if I am still morbidly obese or just "obese" yet). Recently I discovered that I am not quite a fan of my face as I used to be, but I am slowly getting over it and appreciating my new face & body as I move on my journey.

Back to you , you've done an amazing thing, I would be so over the moon to be where you are right now, and sadly your psyche may need time to play catch up.

Amazing job, both of you ladies!

Olly: I could have written your exact post. I know, intellectually, I'm smaller but I still don't see it at all.

You're not alone on this, many women lose weight and find themselves still feeling fat and wondering why. The reason is that self confidence is not automatically delivered to you when you lose weight. It's not some big prize you get at the end of your weightloss journey. Self confidence is a skill that needs to be practiced daily. Losing weight is an external factor, and self confidence is internal. Our body image is shaped by the words we say to ourselves, so if you're still looking in the mirror and finding parts of your body to nitpick then you're tearing down your own body image. You have to be kind to yourself, say kind things. What we see when we look in the mirror is only a perception, it's not reality. It is possible to change how you feel by changing how you think, so do everything you can to swat away negative thoughts and promote good thoughts instead. That's how you build a positive body image.

Everything Wannabeskinny said, plus... it can take alot of time for your perception to actually adjust to physical changes. Positive self talk can definitely help this process along.

When I got my braces off after over four year of heavy duty orthodontics I was horrified to discover I had teeth twice the size of the teeth of that donkey that used to open the show Hee Haw (anyone remember Hee Haw?). My teeth were frickin ENORMOUS. I refused to smile (which drove my parents crazy, given they had just paid for 4.5 years of expensive orthodontics). It took months and months and months for my brain to register that I didn't have double-huge, outsized teeth. I have pretty normal teeth. But that is NOT what my brain saw and perception is reality.

I, too, could have written your exact post! I think these are very common thoughts. I also like pictures... But not the mirror, which seems really backwards! I didn't think I was THAT BIG at my biggest...

I have lost 85 pounds too, but I am still 20 away from the TOP of the healthy BMI range. I get great comments from people, but a few have started in on the "you're getting too skinny" stuff. I don't know how to respond to that considering I'm still overweight.

The important thing is health and how you feel. If I never lost another pound (and never gained) I would still be happy and proud of my accomplishments!

Focus on how far you've come. I know this is easier said than done... But try.


It's funny you mentioned shaving... I've had the same issues/thoughts. My husband used to comment on how long it took me in the shower... I would always say that i have a lot of "Real estate" to cover!

I like everything that everyone has said here already, really spot on.

I use to watch What Not To Wear. They'd throw out a person's wardrobe and then take them shopping for things that actually looked good on them. Person would get like.. 5000 dollars in new clothing. Mind, you did have to volunteer to be on the show and all. Anyway.. there was an episode where a lady had recently lost a lot of weight. She had the perception that she was bigger than she was. What they had her do was draw on a huge piece of paper what she thought her body looked like, then they had her stand against it and actually traced her. She was several, several inches smaller than what she had pictured. Was a good visual, I think, for how our mind warps accomplishment sometimes.

This happens quite frequently. If you're anything like me, it'll just BAM! hit you one day, and you'll be surprised that you can finally see the difference. It takes six to twelve months at least, I think. I don't think it's necessarily about self-confidence. I think your brain is used to seeing you one way, so it takes a while for it's automatic view of you to change. It'll come with time, though.

As for wanting to lose more weight, I think that's entirely appropriate. Even when you're in a healthy BMI category, that is the uppermost part of the healthy BMI range. Going down more in that range is probably a good thing. At least that's what I tend to do.

Your perception of yourself will change. It just takes a little patience, just like weight loss.

Congrats on your loss so far!

Thanks for all your replies. It's really awesome having somewhere to go to be honest and get feedback. I'm working on it and trying.

I have really really long hair. I use to always keep it short and then I started working crazy hours and gaining weight and I didn't want to do something look focussed when I was so hating the way I looked and then it got long without me noticing. I was looking at old pictures before I really got fat and I decided tomorrow I'm going to chop off all my hair. I think a drastic change might help catch my mind up. My skinny pictures all have me with short hair so maybe it will help. Either way a change will be good.

OOOO that's exciting, a big hair cut! I can relate because I have fairly long hair and have been debating cutting it, let us know how it goes and how you feel!

If you haven't cut it yet, you might want to consider donating, I grew mine out and donated to Beautiful Lengths, because my mom is a survivor and I wanted to donate for adults. It made me feel great and the change was great, too, I felt like I might not grow it out again, so took that opportunity.

I think we get hung up on the mirror more now because we really look at ourselves. I know when I was heavier I made sure my hair looked ok and I didn't have something stuck on my face...like a booger now I'm not looking away as quickly because I like seeing me, but then the longer I look I see the wrinkles, pimples, etc, which I should see as badges of honor, for time spent outdoors, getting sweaty, enjoying hiking, etc...easy to say now because I'm not looking in the mirror

Anyway, it does take some time to get used to the weight loss, all those things oily you said like bringing your knees up to your chest while sitting, I love that, too, and won't give that up!

Best to all

There is definitely a lag in self-perception. This is a side-effect of a cool hack your mind plays because visual processing is really really computationally expensive... so it fills in a lot of what you see with what you expect.

Unfortunately, it can cause problems for people both gaining and losing weight, and you often hear about people being in "denial" abut their weight gain. They often have an "Aha!" moment when they see a picture. People losing or gaining weight often simply don't perceive the difference when they look in the same mirror... but they will see it in pictures, or if they catch their reflection in a window or even when they buy a new mirror (different frame/shape/size).

Having gone up and down in weight several times, I've experienced it in both directions. I'm just now starting to be happier with my current reflection, and I've been at this weight for about 5 months!