Hi All,

I am desperate for some advise / help.

I am an obese mother of two, who is already a full blown diabetic with a host of other issues. I have severe vision challenges and am on a transplant wait list for corneal transplant. My diabetes is not helping my insulin resistance or PCOD and I don't remember the last time I had my periods.

This PCOD / insulin resistance is a double edged sword that makes losing weight extremely difficult. I also have borderline hypothyroidism. The best part is that I am just officially middle-aged and have years to go. My son has language impairments (not a word at age 5) and autism, so the stress is keeping me down and depressed.

I honestly think that a lot of my physical challenges and stress can be solved by losing weight and getting healthy. This will give me more energy to run around and play with my son. I lack energy and get tired easily. I can hardly walk for 10 minutes without feeling overwhelmed and fatigued.

My family is all vegetarian except for my son.

Please help. I need to lose at least 35 lbs and don't know what to do and how to get there. I have always been plump starting in my late teens (was really skinny as a young child and teenager), but the weight really became uncontrollable after my son's diagnosis, and the resulting stress / depression. I need help. I am not looking to become a Skinny Minny, but even if I could go back to wearing Size 12, that would be a start. A GREAT start. My current statistics are 172 lbs, 5 ft 3 in tall, and clothing size 14/16 or L/ XL (depending on brand). The real problem is that since I am short, even gaining or losing a few pounds makes a good impact / difference on my appearance !

Help !!

Thank you all in advance for any advise / help that you can give me. Much appreciated.

It sounds like you have a lot of challenges (some of which I can relate to, but some I'm unfamiliar with in my personal life).

Despite having weight loss be harder for you than the average person, you did say that your weight really became most problematic after your son's diagnosis, which tells me that you gained some weight for the same reason most of us do: overeating. That means that if you can eat at a caloric deficit, you will lose weight. You might lose it slower than most, but you can do it....which is great news.

I don't know what will help you specifically, since we are all so different. What I can tell you is what has worked for me.

First, I would recommend training your body to eat only at certain times. I read a study which found that we often get hungry simply because our bodies expect food at a certain time. So, I have decided to eat 3 meals and 1 snack, rather than 3 meals and 3 snacks or more as I used to.

My meals have a beginning and an end. That means I put my food on my plate and that's all I"m going to have. No seconds or thirds.

I eat low carb because carbs make me hungry. I am addicted to carbs and they also raise my insulin levels and then the drop in insulin leads me to want more food. I also cut down on cheese, since I discovered recently that it raises insulin just as much as white carbs, which came as a shock, but cutting down on it has helped me a lot.

I eat high fiber, nutrient rich foods. Breakfast is 2 eggs with a vegetable. Lunch is a salad with grilled chicken and 2 tablespoons or so of full fat dressing. I used to eat low fat, but now, I add fat because it fills me up and satisfies me. I snack on greek yogurt mixed with fresh berries and a handful of assorted unsalted nuts. Dinner is either fish or chicken over a salad again.

I only drink water and one coffee sweetened with Stevia for breakfast. I drink lots of water throughout the day.

It is very difficult to eat this way at first. It took me a while to get to this point, but now, it's second nature. Do I get terrible cravings still? Of course I do. Am I perfect? No, not at all. My goal though is not to binge, even if I do overeat sometimes. In fact, I've come to realize that it's no big deal to overeat once a week at a meal. The scale might go up for a few days, but then usually, there will be a drop on the scale about 3 or 4 days later.

This takes patience and commitment, because motivation isn't always there...especially when it feels like the pounds are taking forever to come off and the sacrifices seem constant. However, I will say that it's all completely worth it.

I also have a son with special needs and I struggle with chronic daily migraines, so I'm fully aware of how health challenges and anxiety can take over. I actually just started taking anti anxiety medication to help me cope with the intense stress (and I'm hoping it will help me with my insomnia too, since I wake up every night at 2 am and can't fall back asleep).

I'm really glad you posted here and I wish you all the best.

Hi Gayatri, welcome to the forum! What you have described sounds like an uphill battle but uphill battles get fought the same way as down hill battles - one step at a time. Besides the great advice you got from luckymommy, I would strongly suggest that you tackle your stress directly because it seems a lot of the over eating you do stems from that (me too! and lots of others!).

Are you exercising daily? Even a 30 minute walk every day has substantial benefits. I also like to recommend chi gong, it's something I've been doing for 8 months and have noticed a big difference in my mood and anxiety levels. Or try yoga, meditation, tai chi, anything where you get to spend a chunk of time focusing only on being calm. Taking naps is good too.

And always remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. Don't feel guilty about what you eat, don't say mean things to the woman in the mirror, don't put yourself down in casual conversations. You are your only caretaker. You must keep reminding yourself that you are beautiful, worthy, strong and capable.

All the above advise is good. I will also say start slow with the changes. It is really hard to go cold turkey with everything. When I started dieting my first change was to eliminate soda and drink more water. I didn't start cutting back until I got that change under control. Maybe you could start with breakfast. Plan some healthy breakfast choices that are around 300 calories. Once you are good with new breakfast routine, start planning your lunches.

My only other advise is maybe try talking to doctor or dietician.

Good luck. Remember all diets and exercise plans are difficult in the beginning but they get easier if you keep at it.

Hi there and welcome,

You've just gotten some great advice. I agree 100% with everything that's been said so far.

I would add to that: Be fearless in your honesty with yourself. If you learn not to berate yourself or attach your value as a person to how well or poorly your plan is going, you'll have no problem doing this. Without the guilt over perceived failures, a bad day is just an opportunity to gather good data. You can only come by this data if you're honest with yourself about what works for you and what doesn't.

Ultimately, all diet plans have to be tailored to fit you. I don't think I've ever known anyone, even when they're following something like Atkins or Weight Watchers, who follows a plan exactly the same way as another person.

Yes, because we are all human, there are some constants. A calorie deficit must be maintained in order for sustained weight loss to occur. How you choose to create that deficit and how well it fits into your life is unique to you. I can tell you a million ways to lose weight, but I can't tell you what exactly will work for you. You need to make yourself an ongoing experiment: try things, gather data, record results, analyze.

Let me tell you something that I hope will encourage you. I have also been diagnosed with PCOS and I'm 41. I've lost 45 lbs in 5 months. That's 2.25 lbs a week. I was never able to lose weight this quickly in my 20's, not that how quickly you lose really matters if it's for the long haul.

The difference has been being completely and brutally honest with myself. I measure and weigh everything. I count every calorie. I stick to my plan, because if I don't, I'm only cheating myself.

Hope this helps. Best of luck to you!

Thanks, everyone, for your warm words of welcome and advise.

I think a big problem I have is with portion control. As a little kid, since I was so skinny and just couldn't seem to gain any weight (!!!!), my grandmother used to stuff food down my throat - ENORMOUS plates of food. My mother took over from her, so my sense of portion size is warped ! How do I learn what this is (proper serving of rice and veggies for one) ?

I also have chronic migraines and challenges with sleep. I, too, wake up at 4:00 am every morning and can't go back to sleep (like now). I am addicted to coffee - and drink 5 cups throughout the day, usually sweetened with about 1 tbsp of nondairy creamer. How many (empty) calories does this add ? I have tried and tried and tried to go low carb, and the last time I tried, I ended up binging on butter to cope with the severe withdrawal symptoms and gained about 10 lbs, so I am scared to try low carb again !

Regarding exercise, I usually walk (uphill) to my daughter's school and I am glad to say that I am finally able to get there without collapsing. So there is progress right there but it will be a while before I can walk more. As an aside, I used to do yoga as a kid and had a very flexible body then, but I was trying to do a simple asana the other day and I could not. That is a good indicator of how much help I need.

Lastly, Streudel, could you share how you managed to lose 45 lbs in 5 months with PCOD ???!! What is your meal plan and what does your exercise regime look like ? That would honestly be one of my many dreams come true if I could lose that much weight, too.

Thanks again, everyone. Your feedback is much appreciated.

Portion control can be tricky but you're right, many people feel comforted by the sight of a mountain of food. You can arbitrarily reduce your portion sizes but you have to know that this amount of food is serving a purpose in your psychology, it's difficult to UNLEARN what comforts us. That's why it's important to learn something new rather than punish what we know. I would say that I attribute my weight loss to portion control. I've done this by incorporating mindful eating practices and learning to pay attention to how much food my body needs. So for example, rice and vegetables: I would place one small scoop of each on my plate. Then I would sit and eat it mindfully. That means eat it slowly, without the distraction of television, conversation, computers, or anything else. Make sure you're sitting down and savouring this food. Chew every bite and put your fork down between bites, only pick it up when you're ready for the next bite. Don't shovel in the food. Eating slowly and mindful makes your eating experience very nurturing. Your body is able to process the food better and you feel like you're not only feeding yourself but taking good care of yourself. And eating slowly helps your body understand more easily when it's had enough. After you've finished your portion take a break for a few minutes and go wash your hands or make a phone call or wash some dishes. Tell yourself that if you still want some more you can have some. For me after I take my break my body tells me loud and clear that it's had enough. Sometimes it wants more. It's a conversation with my body, it's not arbitrary. I give it what it needs and I've come to figure out that my body just doesn't need as much food as I used to give it. Eating a lot of food was purely emotional. Just taking the time to allow your body to decide for itself whether it's still hungry will allow you to develop that skill of your true hunger cues and you will depend less and less on the satisfaction of seeing a mountain of food in front of you. Hope this makes sense.

Nondairy creams means a lot of sugar. I don't think sugar is evil, but eating it all day long can't be good for anyone. I gave up sugar and artificial sweetners in my coffee years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. It's hard at first FOR SURE! For at least 3 months I said YUCK after every sip of coffee. And then suddenly one day I was over it. If I taste a drop of sugar in my coffee now I would spit it out. It's a matter of habit. I would much rather get my sweet tooth satisfied with dessert or my daily piece of dark chocolate.

I think everyone here gave you great advice. Start with one habit at a time. I would recommend your first goal be to eliminate all that dairy creamer in your coffee or try to switch to unsweetened green tea for your caffeine buzz. Then try to just change one meal to a healthy meal a day. Small changes over time are more successful than attempting across the board changes rapidly.

I'd be happy to share. I'm primarily a calorie counter. I'm doing 1550 calories daily. When I say daily, I mean weekends and holidays too. I'm on plan like 95% of the time. And I mean 1550. I don't trust my eyeball. Everything is weighed and measured, every recipe calculated.

I can't say I follow low carb like a lot of PCOS'ers, but I do seem to do best when I keep the refined sugar and white carbs to a minimum. I still have bread and rice, but I like to go with whole grain whenever possible. I don't have potatoes or pasta often. Maybe twice a month? I watch my sodium too. Oh, and I try not to do many " diet " foods because they often replace fat with sugar and sodium.

A typical day for me would be:

Breakfast: sandwich made from whole grain toast, egg, 1/2 0z cheese, and turkey or soy sausage

coffee black

Lunch:Salad with 2 oz grilled chicken, 1/2 oz nuts, and 1/2 oz cheese and 2 Tbsp regular dressing
6 oz Greek yogurt with splenda and tbsp of fruit jam

Dinner: 6 oz steak with mushrooms and onions
a veggie for a side

Dessert: Popsicle ( Outshine fruit bar because it's more fruit than added sugar )

I try to get an hour of exercise in daily. Mind you, I get it in 10-30 minutes at a time, and I had to work up to that. At first walking 50 feet left me out of breath. Now I walk about 2 miles and bike about 5 or 6 miles daily.

It's been a process figuring this out. I use spreadsheets to track everything. And believe it or not, I find it fun experimenting to see what works. I hope you do to. Good luck!

Thank you for sharing all of that. It almost sounds "easy" when it's written out like that. Congratulations on all of your hard work paying off. Your success is motivating for me to try and make a plan like this.