Interesting question. I guess we ARE twins!

Well, I had a jar of Veganaise (cuz I'm weird, hahaha...it's like mayo only from the health food store) and I would just spoon it out of the jar and onto bread (a very fluffy bread from the bakery)....I actually forgot about that time....because there have been so many other times.
I don't know about you, but whenever I'd binge, I wouldn't remember what I had...I wouldn't say I was in a trance, but there were just so many different things and it was all very rushed most of the time. I'd devour something, then run back to the fridge or cupboards and get something else to devour in front of the t.v....then something else. I tended to have something sweet and then savory and then sweet and so on, until I could sometimes feel the food coming up my esophagus and into the back of my throat. I also felt incredible guilt/shame/utter disgust and self hatred, with a good dose of depression. I don't miss those days at all.
Every time I binge, I never know how long it will last. I've had times when it was just one "meal," but that was only if it was at the end of the day. I could have an all day extravaganza and that might sometimes turn into days and days, weeks or months. People could physically see the changes and I could see the shock in their eyes as they'd try to act natural but being really surprised by the change in my appearance in a short amount of time.
Then, I would restrict calories and eat at a huge deficit. I tried purging (although I hated it and after I'd purge, I'd just go and binge again 90% of the time), I tried diet pills, counting calories and working out like a mad woman and a lot of other stuff.
Right now, I feel like I've finally figured it out. However, I still know I'm at huge risk of going back to my old ways if I'm not constantly doing the work that it takes for me to maintain sanity.
Ciao.
