To those who's eye balls are scanning these symbols on their screen,

Hi. My name is Sara and i'm overweight. LOL obviously I am if you know i'm here, **** let me start over.... So I've been fat really all my life. For as long as I can remember it's been like this. I don't know why, but I've always been a butterball even when I was like 5. Staring into my families photo albums isn't pleasant. I'm 17 now, about to start the 12th grade year then by this time next year, i'll be getting ready for college...hopefully hehe.

And also this time last year I was the heaviest i've ever been, 240lbs. Not proud of that. I've wanted to change my eating habits, and go to the gym since I was 13 and discovered the amazing affects of testosterone and the hairy, deep voiced gods that are flowing with it. But living with my family, my single mother and my black southern cooking great aunt, change wasn't easy. Every time I managed to convince them to have a salad instead of mac&cheese or chicken instead of a pot roast, the next day they were back at it again. My mom joined countless gyms and we'd go twice before she'd stop taking me. Every time I asked she'd say she was tired. Always.

So I gave up and the weight got worse and worse. Then the summer of last year I went to visit my father in California. He and his family were all about fitness and health and doing right and being good to the world (Recycling and stuff) My dad got me too. He was big from the start as well unlike my mother who was born pretty and sexy and lived the skinny life and just let go after the year 2000. (One of those 1980s babes ya know?)

So I asked my mom if I could live with him. She didn't like it...at all. I was practically dragged back to AL by my ears, I wouldn't let it go though. I'd worked hard that month and I wanted to keep going. So I nagged. And nagged. Until finally she just shoved pills down my throat. Literally she took me to a doctor (That she also went too at my age) and gave me diet pills.

It's a huge secret. I couldn't tell anyone in fear of what they thought. Not even my sister knows. Of course they worked the side affects went away after awhile except now I get dizzy if I stand up quickly and I didn't do that before. A few days ago I met a mini goal, I got under 200lbs for the first time in about 3 years. And a month ago I got my first kiss. I guess my momma was right, everything in life is related to weight. So i'm gonna keep losing weight and hopefully be down to 170 by years end.

It was nice to meet you, eyeballs of a stranger. My pity party is over and I hope you don't judge me because of my method of weight loss.

-Sara

Thank you for your understanding. I know my mother isn't a bad person, and neither is my father despite what she says but if I keep dwelling on what happened and pondering why they did what they did and why I did what I did, it'll only slow me down so I need to look forward.

Um i'm taking the legit stuff prescribed by an actual doctor ones a appetite suppressor and the other a metabolism booster. Levothyroxine and Phentermine.

Thanks for the advice. Ever since I got under 200 or as ya'll call it Onderland lol i've been thinking about pole dancing and crop tops so i'm gonna ask my cousins if they want to try some stuff with me just to get them active so I don't have to go at it alone.

I also don't want to bash your mother, so I guess I should just shut up and welcome you.

Is there no way you can eat separate from your Mom? Because Mac&Cheese, how delicious it may be, is just not the kind of food that should be on a dining table too often. Have you tried eating healthy breakfasts and lunches, then eating a small proportion of their dinner? (Like a serving not even bigger than your fist?)

Also, I'm not really in favor of diet pills, although we obviously don't know which you are taking. So, if possible, try to eat separate and slowly quit taking the pills.

About exercise, you do not need to go to a gym to exercise. Walking, bicycling, jogging, yoga, dancing,... They are all just examples of things you can easily do at home (well, some are obviously outdoorsy, unless you have a treadmill or something).

I'm quite sure you'll get there, but it would be nice to see it done in a slightly more healthy way than you are currently forced to do.

Sara,

Not meaning to alarm you, but the first in your list of pills, is a thyroidreplacing hormone.
The second one should not be taken on a long-term basis.

I'm thinking about it. But then whenever I forget to take them or I run out before my next appointment, my appetite comes back in a full rage and I just can't stop myself. Its like the next thing I know im at the fridge or the cookies are in my hands. Really I don't want to throw another pity party but I almost don't want to stop taking them.

Eating separate would be difficult but not impossible I will say that. I could always get her to buy me salads and stuff and I could make my own food and stay away from there's.

I did have blood tests and I do have a few thyroid problems but nothing too serious.

Sara,

You are not throwing a pity party, you are very right. Your diet (not the lack of pills) is making you too hungry. A change in diet and eating whole foods instead of fast and junk food would decrease your appetite in a natural way, more healthily than pills ever could.

As for the thyroid, you are having it checked to see if you are at the right dosage of Levothyroxine? You will probably need to stay on this (type of) medication for the rest of your life and this has little to do with being a weightloss pill (although people with underactive thyroids tend to have weight issues). Do you remember your values, by any chance?

You sound like my dad and its making me miss him alot. Thanks for the tips and the warnings. I'm scared to go off the pills but i'll talk to my mother and do some research on the dangers of the meds. I know I'm kinda starving myself only eating once a day...heck I don't know what to say anymore. I'm scared of being without the meds because the weight will come on again but if its my overall health at state then I guess I gotta. Maybe.

With coming off the meds, you are talking about Phentermine, right? Because Levothyroxine, if you have an underactive thyroid, is going to be something you need to take for the rest of your life (well, unless you change to another kind of replacement hormone, but you get the jest).

If you are too scared to get off the Phentermine right away, don't. First try to educate yourself about food and try to get your Mom to incorporate the good kind of foods more into your diet (if she doesn't want to change her diet, that's fine, her problem, first comes YOUR diet!). Once you feel happy with the healthy food you are eating, try to cut down on Phentermine. I've no idea if you can do that slowly (as in not cold turkey), but if it's possible and it eases your mind, by all means, take these steps as small and as slow as needed for you to feel confident.

Oh my goodness. My head is spinning Sara!!!! let's do the first thing first. That levothyroxine. Many years ago - before even your PARENTS were on this planet - my mother hauled me off to the doc for my weight. I was about 14. He gave me levothyroxine, even though I had a normally functioning thyroid. and they worked!!! i lost weight. i didn't sleep much, but I lost weight. And then somehow or other, I realized that I was going to have to take this for the rest of my life and my thyroid was NORMAL.

so i stopped.

And I'm glad i did. it was just the absolute wrong way to go about it, but my mom was desperate. yes, my MOM was desperate about my weight.

Just about every single one of us in 3FC is willing to help you - and we all have advice [and sometimes we absolutely disagree]. But what's important is what YOU can do to control your food and develop a healthy exercise program.

Trust me - we ALL know it's not easy, especially as you're not in charge of cooking and shopping. But bit by bit, change by change, you can make a difference in your life. And by all means, LEAN ON YOUR DAD. he's figured out something that works for him.

Rachel Ray has some cheats for mac n cheese. somehow, putting butternut squash into it seems wrong on some levels, but it actually tastes good.

Please, please please - try to get yourself off the drugs. They're only a quick fix and it's not a sustainable way to lose weight and keep it off.

LOVE the idea of recruiting all your cousins for pole dancing. A girl's gotta have fun, right? and look adorable doing it!!!!

we're here for you, darlin. don't ever forget that.