Hi All,

I am feeling really down on myself and just want to vent--and would love words of advice and feedback from your experiences.

I'm that straightforward emotional and stress/anxiety related eater. I've seen success in the past but over the last few years, I've trickled back up on the scale. I've lost over 30 pounds and am on my way to my goal, but keep sabotaging myself.

I'm trying to sprint to the finish line, because I want to lose enough weight to feel healthy before trying to get pregnant. My husband and I decided we wouldn't try until I was at a healthier place. I think my over focus on this goal might be my problem. I just feel so sad about myself when I'm not "there" yet because I want to be pregnant now. Or, when I have a bad day/few days, it feels like I don't love my husband and my future family enough to stop eating or being lazy. I know that sounds really dramatic, but I need advice and support...so I figure I should be honest!

Any tips on how to stay on the right path? Note that I would still be trying to lose weight to be healthy regardless...it just happens to be this feels like the gateway to the next chapter in my life, so I keep wanting it to go faster.

It sounds like you're putting a lot of stress on yourself by tying together these two goals. They are connected, so I can understand why you would do so, but...I think it might be helpful to change some of your thoughts and ideas about your weight. You have lost so much weight already! That's awesome! I hope you've celebrated a little bit. You are half-way there!

Maybe you can try to vary your workout routine, amp it up a little bit. By bringing diversity into your fitness plan, you might be able to distract yourself from the midway blues. Sprinting may not help, especially if you're prone to self-sabotage. I think you need to find a way to cope with your stress and tackle the emotional eating problem (by the way, me too!), in order to help yourself. If you don't address the emotional issue, it will just seem more difficult to address the physical manifestation of that issue, too.

I have no advice but I'm in the same boat as you. I want to loose weight to help my efforts of trying to concieve

I'm just starting back here after having my son 12 weeks ago... I was at 195 when we got pregnant last july and I had zero complications from my weight.... I'm 5ft7.

You need to make the decision to try now, or stop obsession so much over how long its going to take you to get to a 'goal' for this pregnancy. It took my husband and I 6 months to get prego, we started trying in Jan of last year and had a miscarriage in May, and then got KU again in July. Baby was born 4/21/14.... I just worry that focusing so much on this, and then actually getting to your goal weight, and then... what if it takes you a year? What if it takes 6 months? Are you going to be so stressed out by the process of trying and potentially failing that you'll unintentionally sabotage yourself and gain?

You might want to talk with your hubby about all of this. Good luck!

So I was in your boat and wanted to lose weight before pregnancy to make life easier on me and the future babe. I did not lose the majority of the weight, just about half. I was 180 the day we got pregnant. I will say that I wish I had stuck with it and lost the weight before hand, but it's hard than HECK to lose it with a newborn, toddler, etc. You have NO time to work out and NO time to meal plan like you do before you have a baby. I thought I had a packed/busy schedule before having my little guy and I laugh at myself now.
My advice would be to get to a comfortable weight before hand, but don't beat yourself up about getting all the way to goal. Those stories about how breastfeeding pops off the weight aren't true for 90% of people and you end up weighing a good 10-15 pounds more than when you started.
Best of luck and enjoy the journey

maybe if it is something you and your husband do together. Have him help with meal planning and shopping, going for walks and working out together. It will help him understand what you are going through and get him "warmed up" for helping a lot when baby comes.

This sound just like me, Im borderline diabetic, I'm 230 right now and I NEEED to lose weight ASAP. I know how to do it, yet I dont. What is wrong with me? I want another baby in the worst way I currently have a 5 yrs old about to be 6 soon and the DR. bascially said that you just have to lose weight and then the baby will come, but i have to lose weight I need help and I need it badly. Im feel the OP sooo badly. where do i begin.

I actually found that TTC was good motivation for me. We started trying and I kept losing weight all the while. It took us a few years to get pregnant so I'm happy we started trying when we did. I found that actively trying gave me good motivation because while I wanted to get preggo as soon as I could, I did not want to get preggo weighing as much as I did. Does that make sense?

I'm in this boat as well. I lost 20 lbs before visiting my ILs this summer and I've gained 10 of them back now that I've been home. I've been pregnant three times - have one child - and want to make the conceiving/pregnancy process as easy for me as possible. Our last loss was a miscarriage in July and we're waiting another month or so to start trying again so...

I'm sorry for the lack of advice. I just wanted to wish you the best of luck.

From personal experience, don't wait.

I started my weight loss journey at 325 solely because I wanted a healthy pregnancy. I got down to 202 when we got pregnant (without trying). I lost the baby at 10 weeks last October. I asked my Doctor if my weight played a role in my miscarriage and he told me the only way my weight would have played a role is in the conception, ie ovulation. Many overweight women have ovulation problems, PCOS, etc. Fortunately, I don't have any of those issues.

But here we are 10 months later having unexplained fertility problems and now doing fertility testing. I know women that are 3 years into trying to conceive. I know heavy women, I know small women. I know tons of women that have fertility problems.

I guess, my point is just that you don't know if getting pregnant is going to be easy for you or not. If you and your husband are ready to start a family outside of your weight loss, in my opinion, go for it.

I would talk to your doctor about it. I know the cycle, the more you put pressure on yourself to loose the weight any little set backs bring on the emotional eating!

My experience is I started on a diet before trying for a baby and was only down 10pound (starting weight around 260) before we started trying, we figure why wait! It took 4 months. I had slightly high blood pressure during pregnancy but no major complications. The bonus is I lost 20pound while pregnant! Apparently it quite normal for overweight people to do that - I wasn't on a diet at all just healthy eating. I now have had two pregnancies and 2 healthy boys.

I guess just don't be hard on yourself, and if you are ready and the doctor has no concerns jump right in there!

Now loosing weight with little kids ... thats a whole other story!

I had the exact same goal as you! Two years ago, I decided to lose weight to have a baby. I started off at 217lbs and in one year lost A LOT of weight. I was in the mid 160's and felt great! A few months into having my new body I gained back about 20lbs, but it didn't seem like a big deal, because I still felt great and I ended up holding steady through the summer. My husband and I had the best summer of our lives and on our vacation we got pregnant! It was the best news! We were completely overjoyed!

Unfortunately two months into the pregnancy we found out that we were having a miscarriage. It was a complete devastating shock. While dealing with the emotions and physical experiences of that, I gained back nearly ALL the weight. In fact I went to 215lbs. Only two pounds short of where I started. That was the weight at which I got pregnant again. I was very worried about how my body would handle it. Now, I am 37w, expecting our first baby girl. So far everything seems to be going well. I don't have gestational diabetes or high blood pressure. I DEFINITELY wish I weighed less, it would be a lot easier to be lighter and I would enjoy it more I think… But I am so grateful that she's almost here! I have gained about 20-25lbs on top of that and the doctors are really happy about it. They are telling me I;might on track. I'm praying that everything goes well with the delivery and that we are all ok at the end!

The bottom line is that if I could be healthier for the pregnancy, I would have preferred that. I thought I did the responsible thing and lost weight for the baby, but I ended up gaining it all back, but to be honest with you, I'm glad I didn't wait until I lost it all again before having the baby. I'm now waiting for my little girl to get here, and when she does, I'm coming back here, and I am going to lose all of it, and keep it off for self and for my baby. My husband and I hope to try for another baby about a year after this one is born, and that is a lot of motivation for me to get healthy. I want to be a healthy hot mama, especially since I'm having a girl! I want to be a good example for her.

Lastly, Losing weight is something that is challenging, and you can't get down on yourself by saying that failure means you don't want it bad enough. THE more guilt you feel about your success the less likely you will achieve your goal. So throw out feelings of guilt and try to focus on the positive choices you are making.

I wish you all the best. Sorry for the novel but it felt relevant somehow…

I have been wondering about the same thing. My husband and I have been discussing trying to conceive for about a year now, and have been putting off trying to conceive because of my concerns about my weight. My husband suggested that we just go off birth control, and not necessarily time things to try to conceive, but just live life and see what happens. If I get pregnant, great, if not I'll just keep on going with my healthy choices and continue to lose weight. I guess the thing that scares me is the thought of me possibly being irresponsible TTC my future child. I know I'm not at a healthy weight right now (definitely better than when I was 220, I feel so much better) but still 30 lbs from my goal. But again, I don't want to put it off and then have it take me months to conceive and end up having trouble conceiving years from now.

I have had my health checked out, and my A1c is perfect, so no borderline diabetes, thank goodness. My vitamin D is low but I'm correcting that with supplements. I was told my cholesterol is high, but I ran the numbers by my dad who is a doctor and he told me that number used to be considered fine, it's technically high now but he said if I keep doing what I'm doing it should come down on its own, he wasn't too concerned about it. My good cholesterol is higher too which brings that number up. I take a multivitamin with folic acid and I take omega 3s as well. I'm exercising at least 3 days a week and eating mostly organic, clean foods, no gluten (i've found it irritates my system, not celiac disease, just intolerance). Mostly paleo kind of eating, and I'm very happy with the diet changes I've made.

I talked to my gyno about wanting to conceive too. She said I should make sure everything was ok before trying, bc I came in complaining of exhaustion, and she was worried about thyroid problems or diabetes. Thankfully they were fine and I'm just vit D deficient. I guess that means I'm healthy enough to try, but I just don't want to do something that could possibly harm my future child, it doesn't help that I'm naturally super indecisive! I understand why so many people have given different advice, it's a complicated and personal issue.

Sorry abcunnin, I don't have advice just the same question!

abcunnin, I am in a similar place, except I'm fairly certain I *cannot* get pregnant unless I lose weight. It's what worked 10 years ago when I had my son. I didn't lose weight specifically to get pregnant, I just figured it was worth a shot and voila, 50 pounds later I was unexpectedly pregnant! (In fact, I didn't know until about 20 weeks, because it was so normal to go without a period for months at a time!)

So here's where we are similar. I want to have another baby. We need to do it SOON (I am 35, he is 42). I know that losing weight (just 50 pounds. haha.) will greatly improve our chances of getting pregnant. And yet here I am, not losing any weight. It sorta looks like i'm not even making any attempts. I get so frustrated....

I think that's our trouble! You have expressed so many thoughts and feelings that I also have. Look at us, putting undue stress and pressure on ourselves when we really just need to enjoy our 'get healthy' journey.

I do agree with the others - be 'open to life' and actively work on a healthy lifestyle that will likely result in good, healthy weight loss and a happier you and if you get pregnant, hurray!

I don't have much more in the way of advice, since I suffer from the same thoughts and feelings you have mentioned, but at least know, you are not alone!