Hi All,

Well, I looked through different threads to see if there were any posts on this issue. I myself am a surviver of childhood abuse and I can directly relate my weight gain to that time. I find comfort, and an excuse to hide from life, in my weight. I have to admit that the kid in me still wants to cling to this protective shell. Anyone else in the same boat?

It's been so long that I don't know who I am without it. And stupid as it sounds, part of me is afraid to lose it. Afraid that I won't be able to handle "life" without it. Afraid that it will happen again. And here I think of myself as a strong woman, that I can handle anything...but I'm afraid to test that, trust myself.

Well, aren't I really hanging out the dirty laundry? Don't really want to get into specifics...just wanted to know if anyone else has this type fear. And to be honest, at least for me, this type of excuse?

Hope I didn't offend anyone.....

Deb

Deb, I couldn't read your post without responding. I have no idea what you must have gone thru as a child and what you must still be going thru in dealing with it, but I just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your pain and that you must be a very strong woman to be so open and honest about things you have been thru.

I do not know what it is like to be afraid to lose weight, bec honestly, I want to lose weight so badly. I am only afraid of getting bigger and bigger, but I can understand where it is an issue for people.

I know I am no help to you at all, but I just felt like I needed to at least respond to your post.

Why don't you join us on the daily posts. We are a friendly & encouraging group of chickadees and would love to get to know you and maybe we can all help each other in our struggle to lose weight.

hugs,
Cathy

I had to think a bit before posting. By the way, you can't offend this group.
Though there was a lot of emotion and physical abuse along with a bit of sexual abuse thrown in for good measure in my childhood, I don't think that I used my weight as you described. I did use food for a narcotic though.
I agree with Cathy...post here if you wish. I've known some of these ladies for a long time and we're an understanding and supportive group.

LOL...can't afford the membership? Too funny. Thanks for replying....just thought I'd throw that thought out there and see if anyone else had the same trouble. Was a bit down last night and thought I'd take a shot. Maybe I over played it a bit....can't say that this is a conscious decision but somewhere in my subconscious I think this lurks.

Deb

I think a lot of overweight people (not meaning anyone specific) think that their problems will be solved when they lose weight but unfortunately skinny folks have the same problems the rest of us do. Maybe we like to hang onto the weight as an excuse for all the other problems.

Just my opinion.

I don't remember who said it, but I remember someone once said that getting thin, moving to a different location, or any life change doesn't get rid of emotional problems. They just travel along with you....

*raises hand* I have been big all my life.I am a survivor of sexual, mental and emotional abuse.I use to tell myself over and over I am alright being heavyset.If people don't like me because I am thats their problem.But deep down; I know and knew better; my weight keeps me at a distance with people and I don't like it. Yes, I am happy but I could be so much happier by doing things I have never been able to do because I have been heavy. 322 lbs is the biggest I have ever been and I really truly don't like it.In a way I feel as though keeping my weight is keeping me a victim.If that makes any sense.? I so want to get on with my life and make the outside match my inside.So I finally figured am I going to do this or am I going to stay a victim to the past forever.
Its hard and I have been this way for so long that I have gotten used to it.But now is the time to change; I am not getting any younger and I am sure not getting healthier.

So if you ever need an ear or support please feel free to pm me.Good Luck to ya...

Hi Deb,

And welcome !! I'm so glad you feel comfortable posting here. And like Tippy said, you can NOT offend this group We are here to help if we can, not judge.

I understand how you feel about hiding behind your belly, I too feel the same way. I remember sitting on the couch not long ago rubbing my big gut and saying, I'm comfortable.... sad isn't it. I also remember saying I didn't care, but yah know Deep Deep Down Inside, I DO CARE !! Thats why I'm "trying" the atkins diet now... OY !

Jen, I think your right to a degree, but alot of us here do realize thats only fantasy. I know for sure if I lose weight its not going to solve much.... will losing weight make me walk with my head nearly to the ground because I'm embarassed NOPE !! will losing weight raise my self esteem YES!!! Will it solve all my problems.... anyone that thinks like that really needs to think again - of course not.

Lynnie, YOU GO GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope to see you all on the daily thread.

Hugs, Leenie

Hi All,

Well, I'm glad to see that my thread didn't go unanswered! Nice to meet you all.

Not really sure how to respond to Jenn. I agree in some ways in others I don't. Then again, my original post was about me and my take on things. Just that I think I divorced myself from my body a long time ago. Would love to match the outside with the inside but it's tough. Plus, it is a good excuse...I'll admit that. Good excuse why I'm not living my life 100%, not risking getting hurt.

****, sounds like I'm insulated with cream filling .

I'm always amazed at how good I am at ignoring the truth. Avoiding really looking at what I'm doing and merely existing. Not a way to be.

Well, I'm going to post this anyway. Been trying to write a response for the last few days but keep deleting it. Hard to write without sounding totally depressing or whiny. Not my style.

Take care all!

Deb

you can never sound to depressing...Its hard but have alittle faith in yourself u are much stronger then u give yourself credit for..this is just another thing that has to overridden....if ya ever need an ear feel free to pm me.

Ladies !!!!!! LADIES LADIES LADIES (I'm yelling)

This is a depression board, this is the subject we talk about.
If you can't spill your guts here then where can you ???????
Thats why we are here, maybe we can make some sense, maybe not but it sure is nice to talk to people who understand and have gone thru what you are going through.

Don't ever feel to whinny or needy, just post. It feels great to get things off your chest, I know for me it does. Some folks may not respond and some will, don't worry about it okay.

Deb, don't go away from this board feeling empty, we all need to get to know each other before we can help.

Not only do we post our really down days here, we also post our happy days and what ever falls inbetween.

Your not alone w/your feelings.... I think we all are good at ignoring our feelings, heck, I think we were programed that way from when we were little... isn't is always like a woman to take care of everyone else but when it comes to ourselves we tend to put our needs on the back burner ? I know I do.

We need to train ourselves that if Mama ain't happy then nobody else is... Its time for us to take care of us.

I agree with Lynnie, your stronger then you think, just look around you.

With that said, ladies, I hope to see you again.

Hugs and Kisses, Leenie