Hullo! I've been away from this forum for a while. I've been busy eating

At first I'd like to point out that I'm personally not stressing over weight loss or gain. I know exactly why I'm either gaining or losing, and if I decide to do the opposite anyway, then it has been my choice and there's no need to worry. I am, however, starting to feel slightly anxious over other people's stress

I recently joined MFP because I now have a new scale and a new phone and both send data to MFP. I also started to log my foods there as well. So, I'm active there at the moment (not with this name though, as it was already taken), and I've been reading the forums there a bit as well.

I am honestly quite surprised and a bit shocked by how confused and stressed out people are. There are so many people who seem to be completely oblivious to how their body functions and they get really anxious when their body doesn't change the way they want it to. It's as if people have lost control over their bodies, minds and lives, and all that's left to do is panic.

I'm not sure what to make of it. I've started to respond to couple of young women who's perception of themselves is clearly out of balance, but then I think "are they really going to listen?" I am compelled to help others in a way that I think is reasonable, but how do you reasonably help someone who has lost the plot and no longer is functioning within reason? How do you shake someone up a bit and make them see what's going on? I see people who are in a state of panic and are only willing to listen to things that will validate that there is a reason to panic. I actually sometimes want to do what they do in the movies to hysteric people :-)

I guess what I'm asking is: how does one snap out of a situation like that, stop stressing and start behaving in a productive way?

In reality I'm also venting a bit here, because it really does bug me a lot, and it does worry me...

As someone who has been in a constant state of turmoil over this I can identify with the people you are referring to. As dieters we have a tendency to get caught up in a win/fail mentality. I'm prone to anxiety and depression and eventhough I haven't tried every single diet out there I had had it up to here with being or not being on a diet. I was sick of the hamster wheel. It takes a while to get sick of it because it's so easy to blame yourself for failing rather than blame the hamsterwheel for throwing you off balance.

Overweight people like me want to herd ourselves into a club, that's why we join forums like this right? We think that skinny people or peopel without food issues can't understand us, we can only find solace in each other. And we diet together, we debate diets together, we look to each other for inspiration. We see people lose 100lbs and we say "that's what I should be doing!"

For me I got off the hamster wheel. I'm focusing on accepting my body as it is, not following any diets, and just trying to respond to my hunger cues (IE). I'm not relying on willpower, or anyone else's diet plan, and I'm not giving up any foods that I love. I'm not blaming any foods for the state of my tush. It's not food that is my problem, it's eating! So that's it for me, no more diets, paying close attention to my hunger, eating foods I like, working really hard to find ways to aleviate my stress other than eating and not worrying too much about the future. This is the only time I have felt at peace with myself, I feel an absence of guilt and that's taking some getting used to, but I gotta tell you - it feels pretty awesome to put take that boulder off my shoulders.

So I don't know what to tell you, everyone has their own journey and women especially young women are bombarded with so many negative messages about our bodies that we're basically taught that we will never be good enough. It took me a long time to realize that and put it behind me. Lend an ear, tell someone they are good enough and not to worry so much. It's all we can do.

Wannabeskinny, oh I love it that you say that you're able to push away the guilt and feel the lightness that follows. I do remember reading your posts and have a glimpse on your journey.

Ironically, one of the weights on my shoulders is worrying over other people :-) I know that when I, even momentarily, get rid of those thoughts and just focus on myself, I feel the energy surging through my body and I feel so light! I think it's just focusing on what I can do and not worrying over the past or the future or other people, which are beyond our control.

By the way, this forum is incredibly supportive and nice. Perhaps people here have been through enough to have more compassion.

I don't know, I don't feel compassion running rampant around here. I think people get caught up in losing weight the right way that they often fail to see other people's struggles. It's nice to worry about others but don't let that take your focus off yourself, I too worry about a lot of people around me so I know how heavy that burden can be. It's a daily mantra to let go of the things I can't control.

Oh? Well, perhaps I'm thinking that since people here aren't terribly cruel towards themselves and others, I interpret it as compassion Because on some of the other weight loss forums, people can be vicious!

It is possible to learn how to let go, and I more or less can now let go of most things on demand. It's when I'm not that mindful and live on autopilot that things can get out of control. But just knowing that it's possible to have that solace of being centered gives a lot of strength. So I think it can be learned. Just needs lots and lots of practice and repetition. Not just saying it, but to actually go through the feeling.

IMO, this forum is different in that the dialogues are much longer and are much more focused on the emotional side of dieting. That's why it comes across as more compassionate compared to MFP.

I also believe that the posters here are older and are not trying to pretend to be as fit as fitness models (in other words, are not trying to show off!). Those in hysterics in MFP, as you mentioned, could be the younger crowd?

But to answer your question, IMO, a person can only behave rationally when they are at a stage of their jouney when they have accepted or know, truly know, that they are in it for the long haul. That's when we let go.

I'm right there with you. I tend to worry about others a lot too. Especially back in college where I hosted a lot, and was constantly working the room to make sure everyone was having a good time. The stress overload wasn't healthy (neither were the food choices) but it's been a lot easier to make better choices outside of the Dining Hall.

I'm generally a stressed out person either way. So if I'm not stressing about eating right, I'm stressing about money, life goals, cleaning, student loans, and meeting deadlines for projects. THANK GOD I don't have kids. I'm not saying that to be cruel....but I can't even imagine myself at ease if I had those to worry about.