I wasn't sure where else to put this.. Feel free to move it if its in the wrong place.

I am a 22 year old female, who has been slowly gaining weight for the passed 5 or so years. My healthy weight was around 135, and I am now somewhere around 180. My last weigh in was 180 but I don't have a scale currently, so whether I've gone up since then I'm not sure. I'm 5'6.

In a lot of ways, my weight gain ruined my life.
My ex stopped being sexually attracted to me, guys I were dating stopped being attracted to me, and my self confidence plummeted. I can't remember the last time I went swimming, because I fear wearing a bathing suit. Can't remember the last time I wore a dress. Can't remember the last time I was able to do any kind of fun activity without being out of breath or seriously light headed.

I am unemployed, very depressed and have had suicidal thoughts and issues with self harm. My family is poor, as am I, and I can't afford a gym pass. I currently am not able to buy my own groceries so I have to pick around the "bad" stuff in the fridge to try and get a decently healthy meal. I find myself eating away my sorrows.

I'm not revealing this stuff for sympathy, I just crave a place where I can be understood and gain support.

My biggest issues aesthetically are the fact that I've now got pretty bad cellulite, and stretchmarks. My stretchmarks are on my love handles, my stomach, on the inside of my arm from my armpit to the inside of my elbow, even near my genitals.

I wanted to post my pics here, so I can have something to look back on while trying to reach my goals, but I can't until I reach the appropriate post count. If anyone has any advice for me, encouragement, or well wishes, I would love to hear them.

Take little steps towards your goal. That would be my advice. Change one thing at a time and focus on your goal. Find something that interest you to take your mind off of eating. Do you like to dance? Put some tunes on and dance away!

You dont have to have a gym membership to be "healthy", there are other ways. All you need is a pair of walking or running shoes. Walk around your neighbourhood for half an hour a day.

Focus on the positive. What do you like about yourself? I know its hard to see the beauty when you look in the mirror and see the flaws, but try. Try to find stuff about yourself that you like.

Tell yourself that you can do it. I did. And a lot of people here did. If we were able to do it, so can you.

Good luck and be active!

Hi SpottedMouse, welcome to 3FC. First off, I want you to have the number to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. Anytime you are having thoughts of suicide, you can call 911, your local hospital emergency room, or this hotline number, and they will know what to do to help you.

I'm not sure if your depression is causing the weight gain or your weight gain is causing the depression, but do you have anyone close to you to whom you can talk about it? Friends, family members, clergy? You will definitely find support here, but it would be ideal if you had someone close to you whom you trust that you could talk to also.

As for losing weight, I know it seems overwhelming, but honestly, especially at your young age, you should be able to shed the weight. It doesn't take money. For exercise, walking doesn't cost anything. People underestimate just how much of an impact simply walking can have on weight loss. And the bottom line of dieting is cutting calories. You may not have access to the healthiest foods, but you can watch portion sizes. You can cut out heavy snacking. You have access to a computer, so you can look up information on calories and cut back. Believe it or not, if you are 5'6" and only weigh 180 lbs, you don't have that far to go to get to a healthy weight. You just need to take it one day at a time.

You CAN do this. You need to start giving yourself that very true and positive message. You CAN do this! I wish you the very best! And keep coming here because everyone here knows what it's like to feel discouraged about their weight and they have wonderful advice and tips to give. And they're very nice! Good luck!

Hi! Welcome and good luck.

I definitely understand where you are as I've been there before. My weight has had me very depressed for large portions of my teenage and early 20s days.

I understand the issue with being poor and therefore it being more difficult to eat healthy. As much as people say you can eat healthy affordably, it is much more expensive than eating like crap.

I agree with FatNoMore, you don't need a gym membership to be active or lose weight. I lost 30 pounds doing no exercise at all (I wouldn't recommend this as I was just as out of shape because I wasn't exercising). Walking outside is great, I'm currently doing C25K outside which is a walking/running program. Youtube can be your best friend when it comes to exercise videos. There's tons on there for all sorts of abilities.

As for food, try and keep it simple. Eat when your hungry. I track calories and find it to be a very useful tool, knowing exactly how much I was eating and how much I am eating now. You can eat whatever you want as long as you stay within your calorie goals.

There's not much you can do about stretch marks, I've got them all over my stomach and they've been there since puberty. I'm just starting to become more comfortable with that fact and I just wore my first bikini a couple weeks ago, the day before I turned 28, stretch marks and all. As for cellulite I've found that since I've become more active it's become a lot less noticeable. I haven't stuck to an exercise plan for very long, I keep alternating between attempting to run and lifting heavy so I'm not quite sure which one got rid of it for me, if I had to guess though I think it was the squats.

I definitely would recommend taking pictures. It's absolutely amazing how pictures show changes in your body so much more than the mirror. I take pictures about every 3 months and am amazed and how much my body has changed. Another thing I'd recommend is taking measurements. The scale will often stall- I've bounced between the same 5 pounds since May however my measurements have gone down since then so I can't complain.

The last think I'd recommend is come here often. It's full of tremendous support and I find that it keeps me motivated.

Good luck!

In a way, I know what your going through. I hate my weight too, it controls my life, there was a time I wouldn't even go in stores in my home town in fear of seeing people that knew the skinny me. I haven't hung out with some of my friends for years now because I don't want them to see what I look like. It's scary and hard, but I always have to tell myself that there are people out there that weight much more than I do, that might look at me (I want to lose 50) and say that they would want to look like me, if that makes sence. Sometimes I think we look at ourselves much harder than the rest of the world sees us. From your post, you said you want to lose around 45 pounds? I'm right there with you, my goal is 50. Maybe you could get a small job to pay for a gym membership? It's hard but you'll get there.

You can DO THIS!! You can lose the weight and feel better. I lost my weight and have kept it off. There are three things that I did to do so.
1. Mild cardiovascular exercise such as daily brisk walks for 30 minutes.
2. Strength training with lighter weights and more reps. (I had no money at the time and lifted chairs, etc. You DON'T NEED MONEY.
3. Get a good nutritional diet program. I got one at womens-weightloss.com.
You could go there or anywhere but they taught me how to eat and what to eat.
Don't get discourage--just do it and you will lose weight.