I didnt know where to post this, I almost put it in the pregnant/nursing forum, but I thought here might be better.

Today, like I could pin point the exact time, I started getting a touch of PPD. Ugh. Well, maybe I'm over reaching with that...it might just be a little blues from the horomones stuff.

I noticed yesterday I felt a little off, but content. But once or twice it creeped into my head that I was fat and stuck home when I could be still at goal weight and out living life..weird though, because I can honestly say that I have enjoyed every second of taking care of the baby. Even when he cries, I just feel this calm happy mom feeling while I'm comforting him. I know he is my last and just how fast it goes by. Within a few months he wont be that tiny newborn.

But today my DH started a fight, yes he started it! He even admitted he started it later on because he's been moody (go figure) and felt so bad, but that fight seemed to pull this dark cloud over me that just didn't leave. It was weird, even after it was over I just felt depressed and hopeless...I just couldn't shake the aweful feeling after the fight. I literally moped around all day, crying on and off...very very out of character for me.

Of course I over ate all day, because that's what I do when I'm depressed..eat. And of course I didnt go for a walk today, because that's what I do when I'm depressed, sit like a blob...

Anyway, later this evening, I starting thinking maybe it was a little PPD or "baby blues" since I just could not get out of the funk that came after this fight. And its just not normal to stay THAT depressed for hours after a fight, not for me anyway. But like I said I still feel fine about the whole new baby thing! I can't get enough of my little munchkin If anything I'm a little sad to see him growing so fast, almost 3 weeks already. I'd say the only time I felt happy today was when I was holding my baby. (I don't feel happy when I eat, I'd say its more of a numbing thing, a distraction from feeling sad)

Ironically I was also very down about my weight, so why oh why do I eat then to feel better?!?!? I have no clothes that fit, I'm wearing maternity pants and big tshirts. I went to Kohls the other day, tried on one outfit, nearly cried in the dressing room and left the store. I cannot bare to go back to a clothing store and put on clothes at this weight. ...so instead I sit on the couch and eat which only make it worse...

I just hope I feel better tomorrow. I hope this isn't going to last a few weeks. Yuck I hate feeling this way. I know its normal with the horomones changes so I'm trying to relax and ride it out. But its annoying to want to feel happy but I have a down feeling instead... Blah.

I don't know much about PPD, but I'm guessing that PPD doesn't always equal feeling depressed about baby. Your brain most likely links what you were ever depressed about BEFORE and keeps at it because it's familiar.

As for eating to feel better, I do it too and wonder why and feel terrible about myself. It's not logical! But I think it really just comes down to that primal feeling of instant gratification and nothing more analytical than that. You eat, and it chemically makes you feel better instantly. And when you're swept up in that moment, you could care less about the consequences. It's very single focused.

Anyway, I don't have much advice for you, only an internet HUG

Thank you so much I think this^ is right on the money. I cannot seem to get myself out of the moment and think about future weight gain, when all I want is to feel better *now*.

I think that when you "eat to feel better," it's not so much that you expect to feel BETTER when you eat, it's that you know you will feel DIFFERENT, as in not feeling whatever it is you are suppressing with food.
But in the end, it still sucks to feel bad for any reason, so and I hope you get back to feeling like your old self quickly.

Sorry Mrs. Glam! Hugs to you! Getting in an argument after having a little one can be so upsetting (for me anyways), and I too would tend to "distract" myself with food. It's so frustrating when you WANT to feel happy but can't seem to snap yourself out of it as soon as you'd like. Sometimes a little walk outside with the kids helps me. I hope your storm cloud passes quickly...and I suspect that hubby owes you a good hug.

Don't really have any advice or wisdom, just wanted to send some **hugs**

I wish I knew why I ate to feel better, but I don't, except that chocolate brownies, cookies, and peanut butter are all so YUMMY.

I had my second baby back in march and am working off the baby weight. I was down to 165-ish when I got pregnant, and waver between feeling almost suicidal about my weight to being impressed at how quickly I got back into jogging. I just eat too much, and too much bad stuff. I am currently on Welbutrin, and I know part of it is I have suffered from depression for a long time and part of it is PPD.

I think you should see about talking to a shrink. I totally love my baby boy, and would do anything for him and he always makes me smile, but I want to be the best parent I can for him, and that means not walking around in a black cloud part of the time.

Thank you all I have been feeling better. It *seems* I've been overly emotional about things, probably related to hormones and not getting enough sleep. I cry at things on tv that normally would not have me in tears. Its like my reaction to things are over the top compared to the normal me.
The fight DH and I had was aweful. And it really really upset me. Its like everything is magnified.
I've been good, but I am a little worried since dh is home tomorrow. We normally get along great, We are like best friends, a truly loving couple. So his new attitude is hard to deal with.

Anyway, I did use food the past few days to "feel better". It worked but I cant keep doing this. I guess that means feeling negative emotions when they happen.

Eating to feel better is logical, because it works (temporarily). Virtually no one eats lean protein and a huge salad to feel better, they eat high glycemic carbs, usually paired with fat and salt - chips, candy, pastries, mashed potatoes, mac n' cheese.

Comfort foods are comforting for a reason. They trigger feel good chemicals.

Knowing that it IS logical, gives you more power to fight it. When you think it's crazy or inexplicable you also feel powerless to stop it.

There are other things that trigger the same feel good chemicals, but they tend to take more effort and the effects aren't as instantaneous.

I have pain issues, and if I don't take my pain meds when I need them, before pain really takes hold, I find it almost impossible to avoid a carb binge, because I know that high glycemic carbs have an immediate effect on my pain levels, whereas my pain meds will take two hours to really kick in. The pain meds work better (take away more of the pain) but food works faster.

To avoid the temptation to use food as antidepressant or pain or stress reliever, I have to use proactive strategies to prevent the stress and pain from becoming a crises (where I feel as though I need IMMEDIATE relief.

I "know" all this from my training (BA and MA in psychology) but it only works when I put it into practice. Prevention is always easier than treatment, and the later the treatment, the harder it is to treat pain, stress, and depression.

Nipping depressive feelings isn't easy and you may need medication to help. If you're feeling frequently overwhelmed, see your doctor.

If you think you're up to dealing with it on your own, you might look into PPD self-help books and websites.

You're not alone, and the eating to feel better does make sense, it just doesn't make the MOST sense. Just knowing that can help tremendously while you're waiting for less immediate treatments to kick in.

Glam, postpartum depression is actual depression, and yes, it's caused by your hormones being all out of whack after pregnancy. You need to give yourself a break. It's only been 3 weeks and you are feeling guilty because you are feeling depressed. You have no reason to feel guilty. Any emotional thoughts and feelings you are having are valid and perfectly natural. Until your hormones get back on track, and that may take a while, you just need to pamper yourself a little bit. In other words, stop blaming yourself. You are allowed to cry...as much as you want! You are allowed to have some excess weight on you. You just had a baby! And anytime you need a hug from your DH, tell him, because you deserve it. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you all. As today has gone on I feel very good. Although in the way of hormones I doubt I'm out if the woods yet. I'm hoping not to have any more down days...

I plan to start walking tomorrow, hopefully in the mornings. I know that having some regular exercise plus a "break" will help keep me feeling better. DH is off tomorrow, and actually I was suppsed to walk last week when he started that fight. Its a whole other issue that I think DH gets a little resentful when I start losing weight and exercising. We've gone through this after each pregnancy. He denies it, always has, but he seems to sabotage my efforts to work out and eating healthy...

Anyway, yes I think that preventing the down feeling is a lot better than waiting for it to reach critical levels then running to the fridge. I'm hoping that some exercise which will also be a break from the kids will help. Like I said I was supposed to do that the other day and dh started a fight, which lead to no break or walk for me.

I (again) suggest seeking a shrink. Even if he or she only decides you need an antidepressant for a brief time, or if you just need some therapy, it is so helpful. With my first, I was a wreck and refused to see anyone (insisted everyone around me was an idiot or mean or persecuting me for no good reason) for 6 months. My husband was scared I was going to kill myself or him - man our fights were fierce! Once I was on meds, I felt a whole lot better about everything. And for all intents and purposes, there are many drugs that are considered safe to take while breastfeeding, if you are doing that.

Well to make you feel better there is nothing than the Present to start making goals for yourself. I realize with a new baby--that's a real challenge--but it's been done millions of times before. I don't know how old your baby is--does the baby keep you awake at night? Or do you now have a schedule when you know the baby will be asleep that you can get in a work-out?

Eating better--specifically eliminating processed sugars out of your calorie intake during the day--can and will change your mood. If I eat processed sugars--I feel very sluggish--no energy, etc. which only promotes depression. And YES there is such a thing as PPD--that many women get-primarily because their hormones have done a "crazy Ivan" on them-but it soon dissipates, as they level out to normal. In the meantime there's nothing like a good cardio workout, (if you're able to do that now, and or your doctor has told you that it's O.K to start exercising again???) to send those Happy Endorphins running through-out your brain. Being a new mom--it's very important that Mom's take a little time out of each day just for themselves.

Good Luck with the new baby--and start today with a weight loss and exercise program that gets you back on your happy feet.

Hugs

Thank you, but I'm really not feeling that bad. I'd still could use some therapy, but more so because of the one going issues with my oldest son. I've had some issues with depression in the past so I was pretty on gaurd after having the baby. I've been making an effort to eat healthy, walk, and take breaks and it seems t be helping. Also I had an issue with my milk suply due to the baby being readmitted for jaundice and I was asked not to breastfeed then when I resumed I was asked to supplement in addition to...I was pretty down about that but as of today I havent used any formula in 3 days! It was difficult but
i was able to increase my milk supply to EBF which i am so happy and relieved about, since I thought i wasnt going to be able to do that after BFing was interupted.
But really i am no where in a place of feeling that hopeless. I think i am very emotional which is normal after pregnancy and the fight w// dh really upset me (still does) and being where i am right now just made it horrible. Plus i got cheated out of my walk/ needed break from the kids...i had been looking forward to that for a few days.