I've been a part of this forum for a very long time, and I've come back on and off, on and off, and I've never really stuck. I imagine some of the users may think I'm a joke for that.

My dad passed away in May. I can't go into any details other than it was sudden, unexpected, and we still don't know the cause, and we may never know. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to my mom and I. Life is getting so hard. Just functioning daily is becoming so difficult to us. We were the closest family that I'd ever seen. I don't think that's because it was my family, but the lengths we'd go to help each other, and make each other happy, is something I haven't seen anywhere else. My dad was the backbone of our family, and we don't know how we're gonna get through this. We're gonna have to be moving, and it's just too much. The three of us were going to have to be moving, but now it's just overwhelming. We have the help of my fiancee, but he can only be here on certain weekends, and we can only do so much.

For the past several weeks, I've been in bed for the most part, I've gained weight, my aches and pains are getting worse, and worse, and I'm slipping into a depression far worse than I've ever experienced.

My dad always encouraged me, and though I haven't been successful yet, he always told me that he knew that one day I would be at my goal size. One day I would be as healthy and happy as I could be. Even more so though, he never neglected to tell me how beautiful I was, and that he loved me just the way that I am.

I need to find a way to make the changes I need to make. I need to do it for myself, and for my dad. I know that's what he would want for me. I need to do it for my mom, and my fiancee as well.

Getting out of bed is near impossible. I do have the support of my mom, but we both can only give so much right now, as both our worlds are in turmoil. I'm trying to be strong for her, but there's only so much I can force. So I need as much help and support that I can get.

I've been told that I shouldn't be stressing about calories, and working out right now, because there are other things I need to focus on, but I need to do something.

Thank you.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I think what you do is absolutely up to you. If it feels better for you to try to think about losing or maintaining, then I say go for that. If not thinking about that stuff will help more, then simply aim for the healthy stuff and let it be while you need to. There is no right or wrong way to approach this, only a way that feels better for you. Please let us know if there's anything else we can do, and be sure to post often!

I am so very sorry for what you are going through, and for the loss of your very special dad.

I agree that you have to do this when the time is right. You have a lot to muddle through right now, and if you think that focusing on losing weight will help you, that is great. However, be careful with yourself in this fragile state as it could be that focusing on something other than your loss might be an unhealthy coping mechanism. You definitely need adequate time to grieve. Either way, we will be here to support you each step of the way. When you know you are ready, we will all be here waiting. (((Hugs))) to you sweetie.

Thank you ladies. I guess, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if my mom and I are really even dealing with our loss in the right way (if there is a right way). We have so much to worry about with having to move and find somewhere to live and such. I guess I feel like if I can focus on something to better myself then maybe I'll physically feel better? I think I feel like for once I really need to feel like I have control over something. I really just don't know what I'm doing.

Thank you for your concern.

First I'm very sorry for the passing of you father I could not imagine the pain. I may have a different view than the other ladies but i did not read all the posts. My view is you need to get your mind focused on something else, you have told us you are slipping in to a depression. you said everyone is telling you not to worry about your weight etc you have a lot going on...well yes i get that you are going through a grieving period still and please please dont think im saying stop grieving you will always feel pain from your fathers passing. What im saying is take that anger/upset feeling and say dad listen today is the day im going to get myself healthy for me and you and so i can take care of mom when she needs me. and just walk or anything you don't have to go hardcore but i believe exercise is a great mind easier and when you start losing the weight I believe you will feel close to your dad because he was the one telling you, you can and will do this when the time is right. Again this is just my opinion what i believe i would do if i were in you shoes. either way never forget your dad telling you, your beautiful! <3

I'm so sorry about your loss, and I know that there is no right way to deal with such a loss and everyone handles it differently. I lost my father so many years ago and anytime it comes to my mind it never gets any less painful, just easier to cope with. My best advice is to always remember the happy times and do things that make you feel better. With me, I want to make myself healthy so that I can live a long and happy life. Slipping into depression can be such a scary road and I know it all too well, sometimes even just going for a walk can improve your mood so very much. Exercise is great for a mood change and may be just what you need to get out of this funk you're in!
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm here if you ever need to talk!

momof3preemies -

I feel like I do need something to distract me. It's just really hard getting started. It was difficult before but now, it feels impossible. There's so much to do with moving, and it feels like we're getting nowhere. So it's a little hard to even think of trying to put workouts on top of what we already have to do. It's what I want, though. It's the one thing I've ever REALLY wanted for myself. Thank you for your advice.


mhill0823-

Thank you for replying. That's exactly it, I never thought I could feel so much pain until now. It's getting worse as the days go by. I have no idea what I'm doing right now. That's why I came back here. I mean, my mom supports my weight loss. She does. My fiancee, he does, and he also wants to lose weight however we're only together on the weekends until the move, and with his job hours, it's really hard for us to be on the same page with it. Besides, it's nice to have some ladies around my age, and looking to accomplish the same goals. I'm going to be depending on this community a lot I believe.