You know how you always hear those stories about women who crash diet, lose a bunch of weight, then gain it all back PLUS MORE?

... I never thought that was me. It turns out... I was wrong.

Today, I was tagged in a Facebook photo from a wedding my man and I went to last month. He looks slim, attractive and the way he did when we met, more or less. I, on the other hand, have gained 40 lbs.

In a sad turn of events, I also stumbled across a "mini-goal" photo from when I was last on a roll with my weight and with 3FC.



The difference ain't good. And what's worse, I feel this intense self-hatred for ravaging my body with NEW irreversible red stretch marks, which... even though I'd always struggled with my weight, I'd never had on my stomach before. Until now. Now, it's like someone tried to unsuccessfully rake up my gut.

I knew I'd gained a lot of weight, but this has kind of put things into perspective. I'm not sure when my "ah-hah" moment is going to occur and make me start getting to work. I'll take a grueling spin class, then eat a footlong sub. I'll get a yogurt parfait for breakfast and eat a greasy hashbrown as an appetizer. I'll buy a donut when my boyfriend isn't looking and eat it in secret. For every good choice, there's a bad one, for every right, I make a wrong. And I can't seem to get it back together.

Help, ladies. How do you all get back on the wagon in a more dedicated fashion when you've been off it for years, and start to feel the hopelessness creeping in?

I'm in the same EXACT boat. I hit my all time low last summer (down 50ish from my then high number). My body looked good, no stretch marks, the girls were relatively perky. Things were great.

Over the past year I gained it all back and then some. I now have HORRIBLE stretch marks all over my stomach. This go around, I topped my all time high by about 25 pounds. The gain was due to a very very stressful final year of graduate school which I finished in May.

Once I finished school I had to face my weight which was an emotional roller coaster. The anger and negative emotions literally kept me up at night. While I was gaining I thought that the second I finished school I would be 1000% back on the wagon, but it has been tough to get going. I finally joined WW (more for the cheerleader aspect of it than following their plan) which helped. I also decided to actively forgive myself for gaining the weight back. This article helped me with that process. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-h..._b_906769.html whenever negative weight emotions come up I tell myself that "I forgive myself for gaining this weight" or something similar. It really takes the load off. My favorite poem is the Desiderata and I love the line "Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentile with yourself." I'm trying to do that. I'm on my 4th week of WW and am down 11 pounds and starting to pick up steam. In the meantime I've been doing my best to slather palmers on my stomach.

My best advice is to realize it won't happen overnight. Good luck.

Jelb,
Please don't take this the wrong way but I am so glad I am not in my twenties anymore. Reading your post reminds me of the things I used to agonise about. Friends used to describe me as someone who hit every bump in the road! Life's bumps -- I'll take the stretch marks!

It gets better... I wonder if it would make a difference to commit to eating everything in 'public' rather than 'donuts in secret'? There is a saying that goes something like, 'we are as sick as our secrets.'

Scarlett, there is a lot of wisdom in desiderata...you are on the right track!

Love and blessings to both of you ~


- in my 50's

girl! i remember you from last time i was here and on a roll, too. we are in the exact same boat. i lost 30 lbs and then i've gained it all back plus a little bit.

also waiting for my aha! moment. i'm trying to force myself into one by writing down every single thing i eat every time i eat something...that helps me at least realize that holy crap, i randomly eat a lot. i need to get control of that. then when i see how much i've eaten on paper, i'm like "well i guess i should probably run now." its been working for a few days. i'm hoping to keep it up. i know its all willpower.

but regardless, good luck! i think you got this. we can help each other stay on track if you want, i could probably use that.

I don't know if I was around when you were posting but your avatar looks familiar! Anyway, welcome back!!!

As you're starting out again (slowly, I'd recommend so you don't feel overhwhelmed), I would add a plan of attack to prevent a relapse/regain this time! You got this, girl!

My advice would be this, in all its tough love glory: get over it.

You messed up and you regained, that really does suck, but instead of carrying that emotional weight around you should start lifting some real weights and get through this. What's done is done, there's no point hating your body because that ain't gonna help you lose weight.

You can lose weight again, you can get to your ultimate goal you just have to focus. Weight loss is a life style change, a complete shift in your outlook of life, food and fitness. You quite literally have to change who you are to become healthy. Are you ready for that change? If the answer is no, then you won't get anywhere.

Instead of thinking "well I USED to be ___ but I'm back to ___" just think "ok, let's start over" and don't let the burden of regaining slow you down or make you feel guilty.

As for your poor eating habits, well, again that's just going to have to be a mental change you make. One time I saw an image online that said "You're not a dog, so stop treating yourself to food when you've been good." Try and think WHY you feel you NEED those treats. Stop, perhaps start a diary, and write down why you feel you want/deserve to be unhealthy. When you rationalize the reasons behind those urges perhaps you'll realise that it's not worth going for extra junk food.

Ultimately the biggest obstacle in anyone's weight loss journey is breaking down the emotional elements that allow us to get out of control with eating and being lazy.

You CAN do this. You can reach your goal, but you have to take action and not wait for your "ah-hah" moment. I'd say making this thread is a pretty huge "ah-hah" moment. So get out there and own it!

As for stretch marks...well, there's no magic solution to that. But don't let that stop you! You can use body butter to reduce the redness of them but we're all plagued with stretch marks. Even my boyfriend who's been thin all his life has stretch marks from when he started gaining muscle! It happens to the best of us. I know it's not a pretty sight, I've got a few in between my legs that I could do without, but it shouldn't be a reason for self loathing.

In conclusion, yeah, you effed up, but that should never define who you are. You can pick yourself up and go until you reach your goal. But you need to do it in a way where you're not feeling like you have to eat badly. So what's your plan? What are you going to do to lose weight this time? What were you doing previously? Let's start from the beginning and work it out! Again, you can do this!! Don't give up!!

Wow. I'd totally forgotten how much I love this place.

Checklist:

• I got a wonderful quote/mantra from Scarlett, because-- dude, I catch myself saying the most horrible things to and about myself in my head, and a frequent reminder to be nicer to myself is pretty much exactly what I need...
  
• I got a lil' bit of commiseration from Scarlett, lbsgobyebye and alabama, and love being reminded that I'm not alone in the battle to banish the bloat.
  
• And then I got some much needed tough-love from Riestrella. All true, woman. And it helped tonight. I found myself planning an evening snack that was just wildly unnecessary, I wasn't hungry, I just wanted food. And I remembered the bit of your post: asking myself why I NEEDED that snack, and it really helped me walk away.
  
• All that, a reminder to be organized and make a plan of attack from amandie...

Commiseration, a touch of kindness, some helpful suggestions and tough love? What else do you need!?

Adore you all. <3 Thanks for the kick in the right direction!

I'm all about the tough love, because there is love in there I promise!! Keep it up and please keep us updated! We're with you every step of the way.