Hello everyone..
I've suffered from a long term depression do to my weight back when I was 20 years old and I remember locking up myself in my house for a whole five years, I wouldn't accept my friends seeing me the size I've become, I did not go out for years and years until the last 9 years where I started coming out, working, meeting up with new people every now and then, starting to accept myself and working on my weight. Growing up I've always had the body that all the girls in my family wished to have, I had curves in all the good places, I was fit and active, until I was diagonalized with some hormones imbalance, I got treated for it and I gained a kilo after another, which got me very depressed and suffered a low self esteem and couldn't trust the world for anything..
I've got to the highest weight in my life which was 299 pounds (136kg), I've tried all the yo-yo dieting, it just caused me more harm than good and just in 2010 I've started getting treatment again for my hormones and thyroids, I lost 66 pounds (30kg) just eating healthy and little bit of work out every now and then, nothing extreme, I am happy I did lose weight even though it is a very slow process yet my weight keeps losing instead of putting some more on, I can eat some treats every now and then and I don't blow up few kilos up.
My type of job makes me deal with gorgeous models, with amazing fit bodies or just the skinny high fashion ones, I never felt bad about myself being with them since it is all about the job and I would never want to be that skinny I just want to be like I used to be, curvy and fit. So I've trained myself to face all of that and I was ok with it.
Just last week something happened that thrown all my confidence and cheerful self in the garbage.. I always wear nice clothes, do my makeup and hair, I care so much about myself and how I present myself no matter what size I am.. but on top of that, while I was in the mall, I heard some brutal comments coming from some random guys, commenting on how big I am, or saying hurtful words and such, and also some young girls gave me some weird looks.. I don't wear the unusual, I wear decent outfits like everyone else.. Anyhow.. after having that episode.. I came home and I just burst into tears, I've been feeling down since then, I have not gone out for a week, and I am so worried that I will get into that bubble I put myself into 9 years ago.. I don't want to get to that point again.. lose myself..
Has anyone experienced this? How did you over come it?
I haven't had any physical or emotional relationship since I was 22, I used to be the popular girl that everyone want to be with and then I turned into someone that no one even think of.. *sigh* this is so depressing..