So, for some of you newcomers, this has been my story.

My highest weight was 275 in 2001-2002. I yo-yoed a bit after than between 245-265. Not by trying, but by fluctuations in my activity level. I got pregnant at 265, was 228 6 weeks after giving birth (I always lose weight when pregnant). Then within 6 months, I was back up to 265 and stayed there in fall 2010. We then moved and with all that activity, I dropped to 255 and maintained that for a year - though felt like crapola (diet was horrible and I later discovered I had a super under active thyroid that was causing all sorts of health problems).

Anyway, I got my act together December 2010. From January 2011 to December 2011 I went from 255 to 170ish. Then the holidays hit and I gained to 185, By March I was 175 again. My mid April I whittled it down to 165 with some serious effort at the gym (and diet). Over the summer, I did yard work (major landscaping and I mean MAJOR) and my weight came up to 170. It stayed there for several months. We came back from vacation (a month long vacation in Croatia) and I had gained up to 185. I got that down to 170 by end of September/early October.

Then my schedule just got the best of me and I stopped being diligent about food. I was still working out, but not controlling the carbs which just kept spiraling out of control. So, by the first week of January, I was at 197. By mid February it is back down to 185 ish.

With this bouncing around and feeling out my body for a YEAR now, I finally agree with my husband and with what my body seems to like, and that is to have my goal weight around 170. with a 5 pound buffer zone up to 175. Since I can fluctuate 5 pounds in a few days, I will try to keep the weight closer to 170 so I don't go above the 175.

If I manage to get lower than 170, then great, but I'm not going to actively pursue it. I will keep exercising and eating right, but for me, right now, the extra effort to get to a lower weight would be purely for vanity. Maybe some day when I have managed to control maintenance, then I will think about lowering that end goal weight, but there is no health reason to do more than I have done. I have a large frame, I have loose skin, I have decent muscle mass. I won't look at 170 that I am overweight. I will look fit and health with maybe a few extra pounds. I can live with that.

And with that decision finally "final" in my head, I feel at peace. for over a year now I have been fighting with my head about an end goal weight - those BMI charts, body fat measures, etc. I just need to feel good in my skin and I do at 170ish.

The ironic thing is that my initial goal was 175 as I thought that was attainable and doable for life. Once I got to there I wanted more - to push to see how far I could go. That led to a lot of yo-yoing which is less healthy than holding steady at a higher weight. So... it's decided - for now. 170.

Great! I'm happy for you BBB.

I think you have to be at a weight that makes you comfortable. Recently, I was readying about how being slightly overweight had its benefits, not obese overweight, just slightly plump! Because as you get older, that weight actually gives you benefits (extra padding to protect you from falls and extra weight to help you if you catch/develop a serious disease).

Enjoy your peace!

Feeling good in your skin is all that matters - congratulations on that weight lifted!

I have been following your recent posts as I am pondering my end goal weight as well ( a higher normal weight/ lower over weight BMI )

Sometimes just making the decision is the hard part and after that you have peace and following through on the decision is the easier part.

Good luck to you.

I think you made an excellent decision, BBB. I'm watching a friend on another board go through something similar and I think that she is about to reach the realization that she really is at a realistic goal weight.

I'm really happy for you too. You have worked so hard and made such a strong body for yourself, you deserve to have that stress off your shoulders.

(You think a lot like me, except you are far more articulate and logical. Are you a Taurus by any chance??)

Of course, as soon as I settled at a weight, I go to a Zumba class - where I can keep up and wiggle and jump as well as anyone (athletically, not "dance ability-wise"). But... I have this spare tire in the middle. Yes, this is where I put on all the recent weight and yes, it will be mostly gone with the next 14 pounds, but when you stand behind a 20 something who is fit without any jiggle at all. It's easy to start thinking, "Well.... maybe I could lose more?" Blast those mirrors in class!


Reality is, I would never look like that. I have loose skin everywhere. Someone stated somewhere on the forum, and it's so true. This size 10 body is wearing a size 14 suit of skin. It shrunk up a LOT, but can't/won't completely.

And again... PERFECTION wasn't the goal... healthy and fit was. I am. I just want a few more pounds and pounds that I know are attainable and maintable...

Now I just need to fully convince my brain that perfection isn't necessary!

Melissa -

I'm glad you've been able to make peace with figuring out a goal weight, even though it's still a work in progress, and maybe always will be. I think that for those of us who are a little bit older, have carried a lot of extra weight for a long time, have had kids, and/or perhaps got a goose egg in the genetic lottery in terms of how our bodies recovery from prolonged years of obesity, it's always going to be a tough thing. All that time and effort put into losing weight and getting into good shape in terms of activity level and fitness, but still a sense of disappointment at how our bodies ultimately look.

I have been realizing that was part of what derailed me the last time - the disappointment at all that floppy, hanging skin at 65 lbs gone, and the recognition that it was only going to look even worse with another ~40 pounds lost. So this time, I'm trying to just accept that up front. Maybe I'll be in a position to have surgery eventually, maybe I won't. I have to accept that losing 100 lbs isn't going to give me the body of my dreams but that doesn't mean it won't still be a better, healthier body than the one I'm in now.

That was part of my disappointment the first time I lost weight (one of many things that derailed me). I was just the smaller version of the same imperfections. Same stretch marks, same stomach. It didn't help that I didn't take photos, so when I saw myself in the mirror, it really was the same me.

This spring, when I got to 165, I was trying on bikinis. I figured if it was high waisted it would cover up the bulk of the pregnancy stretch marks. Well, they did, but not all and since I have loose skin to go along with those stretch marks, my tummy really is a MESS. and my inner thighs are a saggy mess and my arms... Good lord, I probably could almost take off with these floppy wings I have.

So, when I see that girl in front of me (and the other women who have never had weight problems or had the wonderful genetics to not get loose skin), I get the wrong idea - if I just DO more I can look like that. No, I can't. I can look better and I do look tons better, but I did this to my body and I need to come to terms with it. My husband has... he loves my smaller body - flaws and all, so I should be at least as forgiving.

And for you... you lost weight so fast, your skin didn't have time to catch up. Give it time. It will get better if not get completely OK.

Good for you! and i'm not just saying that because i posted that i thought you looked good in that squat pic and didn't think you had another 25lb's to lose (because it's not MY place to say that) but... i'm saying good for you because i think it's important that we enjoy life... NOW. It's a necessity to have goals but if they are almost impossible to obtain or going to constantly take a herculean effort then that takes away from todays enjoyment and clearly you look good enough TODAY to enjoy yourself!

I know the lament about not being able to wear bikini's and the like but i bet you look FAB in form fitting jeans and tops! So rock it and enjoy and focus on getting fit. I'm happy for you!!

I am going through the same thing, in fact kind of having a crisis here because i am definitely at goal EXCEPT MY STOMACH which i think is mostly loose skin (i've never lost weight before so i have no idea about these things) and i imagine if i diet down more some more of it will go away (the subcutaneous fat) but i am really starting to become unhappy with the way my face looks and i've posted about it before so if i try to lose any more i'll really be unhappy.

I think part of all of this is accepting one's flaws and being happy with oneself during the journey, it is not easy..that is for sure. i think you're doing the right thing and you can always adjust as you go along if you find it isn't working for you

You're the one that made me change my goal weight also. I am glad you found the spot you always wanted to be. I hope when i reach it my spot will feel as comfortable and my mind won't push me to perfection either .......

I always enjoy reading your posts. I too get wigged out about all those doctor's charts. I suppose if I keep up with my healthy lifestyle that my body will decide what it wants to set it's goal at.

Melissa, the correct maintenance weight is a weight that you can easily maintain. Don't worry about the number, the charts or the loose skin (loose skin can be covered up--only your husband, who probably doesn't care anyway, will see it). Now if only I could take my own advice...

Sigh... Went to that gym again and saw (again) my spare tire in the middle. I hate that THING!!!!!!! I sure hope it goes away in the next 15 pounds as I think I will keep working on deflating that thing!

Good for you!