DH and I are going through some pretty tough stuff these days. He is very depressed and I'm afraid I am becoming pretty depressed too. We are seeing a counselor, which does not seem to be helping much (or it did seem to be helping until about a week ago when DH just all of a sudden decided that our marriage was over- he has since retracted that, but is still really unsure). I want to save things, I do not want to get divorced and I love him very much. I know he wants to be with me, I know he doesn't want to be alone or with anyone else (and he has sincerely told me this), but his self-esteem is so low, he thinks I am constantly critical of him (which is not true, but he thinks he is so worthless, he can't see how I could love him, I think- which is a shame, because I love him with all of my heart). I try being sweet, loving, walking on eggshells and biting my tongue. He still feels like I am very judgmental of him. I'm so frustrated, and it feels like we have the same fights over and over again, and I don't know what I can do that will make him feel loved (I have asked him and he can't come up with anything).
So, long story longer- I am at my wits' end. He has told me FOUR times in the last six months that our marriage is just OVER and there's nothing I can do about it, only to change his mind hours later. Last time I had even packed my things and left. I did tell him that next time he says something that straightforward (ie: "I'm leaving you" or "Our marriage is over"), I will not come back.
It is extremely emotionally draining for me to think that he is leaving me, and it is starting to take its toll on my career (I just started a law practice in November). Do trial separations ever work to reunify people? I don't want to leave, for fear of making things worse, but at the same time, I am starting to get angry, which is not how I felt before. Anyone have any experiences they'd be willing to share? FWIW, we don't have any kids and we've been married 4 years.
I hate to hit up a cheery place like 3FC with this, but I am reluctant to talk to friends/family because our marriage is not over (yet) and I don't want him to feel like I blabbed our business all over town if we do work it out and he has to see these people again.