I've recently developed a fear of never reaching my target weight.
I used to weigh 140 when I was in middle school but that figure shot up to 160 by age 19. I lost 30 pounds and then immediately began putting it back on through stress, Depression, and a misunderstanding of how this weight thing actually works.
I ballooned up to 181 pounds but am now somewhere near 140. My ultimate goal is 120 or at least somewhere in the 120's but I haven't been that low, since, God...elementary school? It seems unreal to think I could ever be that thin.
I think part of the problem is watching how my roommates struggle with their own weight. Everyone is different, I know, but roommate A is a total BAMF. She's so incredibly active that I don't think I know anyone who is more active than her. She's also a vegetarian and while she's not perfect, her eating habits are better than most.
Roommate B is very active herself. She can run a mile in a little over 8 minutes and while neither her nor roommate A are overweight, they're also not skinny and they're constantly frustrated by this.
So then I look at myself...I'm the same height and general shape as A but my body composition is definitely more on the fatty side than hers. I'm less muscle by far. I lift less and I run slower. I don't think there is one single exercise I'm better at which is fine, it doesn't bother me.
But I can't get over the idea that I won't ever make it and I'm scared to even look at the scale. What if I do and I still see 14X when I've been trying so hard to reach 13X since the first of the new year? I know it's irrational to worry, that all I can do is my best, but the fact that these two women, who are by all means stronger than I am, can't lose more weight worries me.