I met this guy on Facebook a while back. We became friends and commented on posts here and there. Then we started messaging eachother and becoming very close. The photos I would post would not be of my 80 lb overweight body, just really good face pictures. He thought I was beautiful, and I would always say I need to lose weight, him thinking maybe 10 lbs....

Anyway, we drifted apart not on bad terms, maybe he got annoyed that we never met.

So, the other day I'm at Dave and Busters, and he passes by, and looks at me like I have never seen anyone look at anyone ever before. Like a deer in headlights. I'm sure because he didn't expect to see me there, and because I wasn't the same skinny girl in the pics, face the same, body, no.

I have that vision in my head non-stop now. It was terrifying. He was with his gf and I was with my kid and fiance... I left that part out.

I knew nothing would ever happen between us, but we had a very close friendship, and I wish I could text him and say something, but I don't want to know what he thought. I know what he thought.

I feel like Angela in the movie Catfish.

I really need to lose weight. Like yesterday

he was most likely thinking/panicking "If she comes over I'm going to have to explain this to my gf" not "omg she's fat"

I agree with GobabyGoGO.

And to be fair, and I'm just going from personal experience so please don't take offense, while a headshot is more flattering and you look beautiful in this pic, I think you can still have an idea of how overweight someone is based on their headshot. If you look at my face pictures when I was at my heaviest to now my face is dramatically slimmer.

So I don't think you were pulling the wool over his eyes completely. He was probably just afraid of getting caught.

his gf knew we were friends. so did my fiance.

but yea, you guys r right, I think he was just in shock, we have never met before, and I may have looked the same at him. I remember putting my hand over my mouth.

I'm sure also though that he was like whoa! I didn't expect her to be that big. I want to one day meet with him and say hey here I am!!! and then say bye

Hi who cares what he thinks no offense but you have a fiance who loves you I am assuming. I think texting him would be just looking for trouble...and its disrespectful to your fiance. If it was a true friendship you would not be judged. Please don't be offended just my opinion.

you are right. I shouldn't care.

But I'm only human... and I do

I just imagined me going up to him and introducing my kid and fiance and all becoming friends and hanging out etc.

The point here I guess is that because of my weight, I just kept walking and didn't have the self esteem to say hi.

he made attempts to meet me with his gf and my fiance, I don't take what you say offensively at all.

I agree with all the people who commented here, but I also know what you mean. You always want to put your best foot forward and feel like you have the "upper hand" for a lack of a better term. I think that, what you think he thought is more of a reflection on how you feel about your weight more than anything else, and I hope that this "encounter" will turn out to be a motivating factor! Good Luck!!

EXACTLY!! I literally ran away, even lost my kid for a second cuz I was so nervous. Then I ran to the bathroom to see if there was any hope of feeling pretty to say hi, and no. I just pulled my sweater tighter and hoped to not see him again.

But it also made my just want to eat more and something really good.

I'm so lost

I suppose that if your intent with the facebook guy was to only be friends and not date then no harm. As long as you keep your fiance in the know...things should probably turn out ok i would imagine. But if you have exchanged personal feelings, then you should just move on. Don't be so hard on yourself....

GOOD JOB to all of you!!! I really want to get there... I feel like my mind works wonders but doesn't make my feet move

Even if he was surprised at your size (and I'm not convinced that he was), you have no idea whether or not it was a horrible judgement of you for it.

When I met my husband in person for the first time (we met through a personal ad I placed) I was a bit disappointed in his appearance. In the photo he sent me, he was at his desk at work and (for him) dressed up. He's not a spiffy dresser on his "off" time, and it did throw me for a few minutes.

Also, although I knew he had long hair, in the picture, I couldn't see how long, because he kept it in a ponytail. I'd never dated a guy with long hair before, and I was a bit shocked that his went past his belt buckle. He also had a very flat butt, which I have to say wasn't a big turn-on for me. I didn't mind his weight (just as he knew exactly how big I was, I also knew exactly how big he was), but the baggy, empty seat of his trousers did nothing for me.

His looks grew on me, and I decided that I liked the big, biker-viking vibe he had going. Before long, as I got to know him, I decided that he was the hottest stud on the planet, and forgot that had I had the opportunity to pick a guy out of a catalog, with only appearance to go by, I would not have picked him (and he wouldn't have picked me - he would have picked Drew Barrymore).

Appearance and preconceptions matter, but they don't matter as much as we assume they do. Imagine you were just under 4 foot tall, and hadn't mentioned that fact. Do you think he might have reacted the same? Would you assume he "hated short chicks," or would you assume his reaction was one of simple unexpected surprise?


This is why, even in my personal ads (when I was single) I laid it all out there in the ad. I didn't want surprises and I didn't want to give anyone surprises. I had one guy respond to my ad (with 3/4 length photo AND my weight and measurements) who told me he was 30 and 5'11." When we started taling, he soon revealed that he was 50 and 5'1. He tried to say it was a typo in his ad (yeah, right).

Ironically, it wasn't his height or age (even though I was only 33), that was an instant turn off, it was the deceit that shocked and put me off. Even though I understood WHY he lied about his stats, it made me wonder what else he was lying about. Big turn off.

Likewise, I met a guy whose pics he sent were of a much younger him. Even though he was up front about it, I was shocked when he finally sent a current picture.

The shock had nothing to do with my thinking either guy wasn't attractive, it had to do with why on earth would they work so hard to mislead me.


I get shocked and dumbstruch when I see someone who has a drastically different appearance than the one I last saw. It doesn't matter whether the person has gained 80 lbs, lost 80 lbs, gotten an orange spray-on tan or multiple body piercings, or a huge tattoo.

I have the same reaction when I meet someone in a setting I don't expect them. This includes meeting people outside of the environment I know them, such as a person from my home-town here in Wisconsin.


I think you're assuming facts not in evidence. You know he was shocked, and you know nothing else. The shock may have been to do with meeting you in person, and it may even be your weight. Heck, he could actually have a sexual preference for women exactly of your size, and still have that same shocked reaction over you being of a different size than he expected.


I think you're assuming much worse than actually happened.

I see what you're saying

But in this specific circumstance, I'm just posting my feelings that I'm disappointed that I couldn't be who I really am inside, because of my outward appearance, whether or not that is what he was thinking, it's what I was thinking, and I hate that I even have to think that.

I guess I'm looking for an answer to how I feel. Some one to come along and wave a magic wand and I'm wearing a size 9 again and I have the self confidence to meet a new friend.

Now I see from everyone's post, I won't find that anywhere.

Ok. So you are saying that even when it is as friends, you feel inadequate? You feel like people don't want to be your friend because of your weight? And you feel that you would be more desirable and confident if only you were smaller?

That's sad. Maybe you should be your friend and then you would appreciate yourself for who you are and that would bring instant confidence. Much more so than weight loss ever could.

By all means lose weight. And it will make you feel more confident for doing so. But try and get some confidence for now as well. Weight doesn't come off overnight, count the good things about yourself so you can feel happy for now. People will want to be your friend despite your weight. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I think you said exactly what I'm feeling. That I don't have a friend. Not even myself. I don't like myself. I don't like who I have become the last 4 years. And yes I do feel I would be more desirable and confident if I wasn't carrying 80 extra lbs around that isn't supposed to be there. I have zero female friends. They have all scattered. and I don't have the confidence to get up and go out and meet new friends.

and yes. it is very sad. and that is why I'm here. hoping to see the light in other people to lift me up because I'm not finding that in anyone else around me