Warning: Possibly TMI

My boyfriend is 16 years younger than I am (I'm almost 47 and he just turned 31) and sometimes it really scares me. We've been inseparable since the first night we met almost 15 months ago and I loved him almost immediately. *yeah, it sounds cheesy* Lately, my fears have grown almost overwhelming as things have changed significantly between us.

Initially, our sex life was amazing. After all, he is much younger. Things have changed drastically over the last few months that has me wondering if it isn't possibly related to my weight. My boyfriend is an alcoholic (a fact I didn't know until after I was head over heels in love with him) and approximately 2 1/2 months ago began working AA and stopped drinking completely. Almost immediately, he was no longer interested in me sexually, or at least that's the way it seems. He swears that it has nothing to do with my weight and that he is still sexually attracted to me and loves me more every day. I just fail to understand how a 31 year old man can suddenly no longer be interested in having sex with someone he claims to be in love with. We've only had sex 3 times in almost 2 months! We used to have sex 4 or 5 times a day some days!

I readily admit that I have HUGE self esteem and insecurity issues tied to my weight and treatment of past boyfriends who belittled me because of my weight. However, I'm left feeling totally alienated and lonely even though we sleep in the same bed next to each other every night. I can't help but wonder if the only way he was able to sleep with me before was because he was always drinking. Maybe I'm over analyzing a situation that may just be his body adjusting to him no longer drinking, making him not interested in sex at the moment. I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't seem to understand how much this situation is bothering me. I'm certain most of you women would agree with me when I say with us it's not so much about the sex part of the act, it's the intimacy of being with the one you love that means the most to us. I feel like a huge part of our relationship is just no longer of interest to him and it hurts more than I'm willing to admit to him right now.

Has anyone else been through something similar or have any advice? I'm totally lost and even though I just went back on anti-depressants recently, they aren't going to really help me deal with this kind of pain.

is he interested in other aspects of intimacy like cuddling, snuggled up watching tv, holding hands, doing things together? if nothing else has changed between you two, i'd think it was related to his body's adjustments....granted i dont have experience firsthand with alcoholism...however if other things have changed too, there might be other causes or things going on...have you talked to him at all about this?

Alcohol withdrawal can caue erectile dysfunction. Your bf may have all the interest in the world, but be unable to do anything about it (he may be feigning disinterest to cover for inability).

Also, itt's absolutely a myth that all men of a certain age (or of any age really) want sex all the time. Sex drive is just as variable in men as in women. Some men/women want sex all the time, others rarely or never. Sometimes hormonal issues are involved, sometimes the explanation isn't so easily determined.

My husband is 5 years younger than I am, and when we met I was 35 and he was 30. And I've always had the much stronger sex drive (so I was usually the one doing all the initiating) but he was reasonably interested in following through on whatever I started, so to speak.

Normally, we're fairly well matched except when we're under stress.
My husband's sex drive DRAMATICALLY decreases whenever he is under any kind of stress, and mine dramatically INCREASES. So in stressful situations for us both, we become horrendously mismatched.

When my husband is having any kind of stress or discomfort, sex is the last thing on his mind. So when he's trying to quit smoking, when he's dieting, when his family is giving him grief, when his pain is aggravated by the cold weather... it all affects his sex drive for the worse. (I also have pain issues that can prevent "activities" but I want hubby to want sex, anyway - even if it's not possible for either of us. He doesn't understand that at all, and thinks I'm nuts).


We're both dieting right now, so that's quite a bit of stress on the body and the mind. The human body treats all change (even positive ones) as stress.
So his sex drive plummets and mine skyrockets - not a good combination.

Luckily, we both take it in good humor, but it is frustrating (no pun intended).

Sex drives aren't always predictable.

I'd encourage you to be patient, as once your bf's body gets used to the changes, his sex drive probably will rebound.

I agree with everything that Kaplods has said. Alcohol withdrawal can cause erectile dysfunction, not to mention if you felt that rough would you want to have sex?

I am also the older partner and my sex drive is higher than my partner, always have. I think it is a misnoma that men have higher sex drives - maybe when they are younger but I definitely think as we all get older the man's sex drive drops off first.