I'm coming up on a year of maintenance and it got me thinking about the past 20 months. I know we all travel this path at our own chosen speed. I also know that some of our paths are a lot easier than others. I feel I was on an easy path. I have no health issues. I live alone. I'm post-menopausal. I'm old enough that fast food is not my normal food of choice. I LOVE veggies. And most of all, I always ate a pretty healthy diet but also way too much junk food. (Constant junk food and snacks.). I cut out the junk almost 100% and cut back portions while adding an hour a day (almost every day) of exercise.

I miss the junk. I miss ice cream. I miss a perpetual open box of snack crackers at my desk at work. I miss large amounts of pasta and potatoes. I REALLY miss good bread. I miss chocolate and other candy. These are the things I chose to drastically limit in my typical daily diet. I eat them once in a while. And once in a while I eat way too much of them. But as I look back, I don't miss them so much that I feel deprived.

I feel deprived for a moment when I pass the ice cream freezer in the grocery store. But not always. And it passes quickly. It isn't as if I ate ice cream for supper every night. (Well, maybe once in a while . . .) I guess my point is this - the feeling of missing something passes quickly if we let it.

I read so many posts about not wanting to feel deprived and I think of all the things the extra weight deprives us of. I don't have to list them because we all have our own lists. I want to challenge myself and all of you to try to stop thinking in terms of missing certain foods or behavior or feeling deprived by any aspect of the process of getting in better shape. Being deprived is not being able to shop in regular stores. Being deprived is not being able to play with our kids or grand kids. Being deprived is not fitting into an airline seat. It is not passing the second helping of potatoes. Or skipping ice cream and cake at Grandma's birthday party. Or not eating the cookies your co-worker brought in. I want to try to keep this in perspective and hope the rest of my 3FC friends will join me.

Lin

Thank you for that insight!

Something I've noticed along the way is that deprivation is kind of a state of mind. If I skip the ice cream and see it as a punishment for getting fat I DO feel deprived. BUT if I skip the ice cream because I've already had about a million bowls of ice cream and today I don't need one, I don't feel deprived. For me, it's all about mind set and keeping it all positive and never punishment.

You're right though, most of the time that feeling does pass quickly! And after it passes and I haven't given in, I feel good and proud and feel I've won't a little victory.

Amen. I deprived myself of a healthy normal life for years because I thought depriving myself of unhealthy & large amounts of food was an awful concept. I decided it was time to grow up and deal with the fact that if I wanted to lose weight and keep it off I need to be mindful every single day .

I work with several overweight women who constantly eat all day long, they often tell me that I need to live it up and join them sometimes.... Then in their next breath they comment on "how nice it MUST be" to be a smaller size. I don't say it, but sometimes I just want to yell at them and say, " I'm not fat because I don't think I need to stuff myself to live it up any more.." I stay thin because I don't feel deprived if I dont eat a brownie. I'm living it up because I finally feel like Im living.

wish i could click "like" on that post!! so very very true!!

when we stop "living it up" or rewarding ourselves with food, or comforting ourselves with food, or de-stressing with food....weight loss will be much easier....i should know i'm still working on that myself lol

Oh Lin we must be twins!

I was like that, my tub of icecream in one sitting, 6 medium potatos with butter, large plate piled with pasta and also I ate whatever I *wanted* whenever I wanted, and as much as I wanted. Taking some bad habits from my Dad I thought that I would be miserable otherwise and its not true.

As much as ultimate freedom seems like something we really want and craves I believes it leads to misery and self destruction when it comes to have no limits on food.

It reminds me of those stories you hear about people winning the lotto, its the lack of limitations, what if you could whatever you thought you wanted, whenever and as much as you like.. that would lead me to misery, never feeling fully satisfied and self destruction I'm sure.

I don't feel deprived now really I don't enjoy those old foods like I did, I think really carefully about what I actually want and have it once in a while or one serving not 6. Every so often the thoughts of not having to plan or get frustrated with food seems tempting but then I ground myself by thinking of my body, my goals and then why I don't want to go back to the way I was.. the past can often seem very rose tinted.

Also sometimes the old food was nice, but I felt bloated and heavy all the time, sad and dissapointed in myself. Malnourished and always gasping for more, now I can walk into the shop see candy and think meh, but before if I saw it I'd have to think which one to get and all that. no more!

I'm glad you found a way the works for you. Congratulations on the the weight loss and maintenance. I have tried for, literally, decades to get my eating under control. I tried banning certain foods or only eating them occasionally. The more I tried to avoid them, the more they became all I could think about until eventually my best efforts ended in binges. Sometimes I only made it a day. Other times for weeks or months--the longer periods resulted in binge eating for days or even weeks. I finally realized I just don't work that way.
I've been eating a different way for about a month now. So far it seems to be working really well. It was a change in attitude. I decided that no food was off-limits, that I could have anything I wanted. I wouldn't allow myself to think of anything as a bad choice, but I also realized that eating like that comes with great responsiblity. If I wanted to be healthy and lose weight, I had to stop stuffing myself with food. I had to make healthy choices most of the time to offset my indulgences. I have a little chocolate every day. I can eat a little now because I know that tomorrow I can have more. If I want chips, I will get a handful and that usually satisfies me. If I want ice cream, I will get a small serving of the real thing. I don't eat anything 'fake'--whether it's fake fat or fake sugar. I even eat a little butter on my bread sometimes. I feel so free now.
Trying to eat the other way always made me rebellious. I hated being that way and tried to change myself but nothing ever worked. I know my way is not the answer for everyone. I just wanted to say that it is possible to change your attitude about deprivation and gain control of your eating.
I know I still have a long way to go, and a month is not a very long period to base things on. But this time I feel so much more in control. Yeah, sometimes I still get the urge to binge, but I have such a greater feeling of inner strength and wisdom now. I won't ever be perfect, but I'm not trying to be any more.

Lin, what a thoughtful and wise post! I don't think you've been deprived at all. I'm sure your life is much, much richer than it was two years ago. Thanks so much for your inspiration and words of wisdom.

Awesome post.

Deprivation is relative. Educating myself and developing a realistic view of different kinds of foods and how they affect me was a big step. Learning what a "real" portion is, being honest with myself about sugar and carbs and whatnot, and getting to enjoy being active were all necessary albeit not always easy. Admitting I can't sit around and eat grapes all day without consequence wasn't fun but I survived.

"Everything in moderation" works well for a lot of people. It helps to be young and active. All the junk in the world is at your disposal 24/7 - why do you need it all TODAY?

We've all made lots of great comments. I do believe that the all or nothing attitude is usually cause for failure. I didn't eliminate anything completely form my diet except perhaps the perpetual snack crackers at my desk. There is no moderation there. And as for ice cream - that's tough - but I don't buy it often and when I do, I figure even if I eat the whole carton in a couple nights, that isn't the end of the world. The idea that there will always be more of whatever it is you want available at a later date is one we need to keep in mind, too.

And I really do agree that "living it up" doesn't include eating all day or eating junk. I have had friends ask me when I'm going to start eating "normal food" again. I guess you could talk all day to those people and they wouldn't understand that this really is "normal" for a healthy life. I go camping twice a year for 4 day weekends with a group of life long girlfriends. It's a junk food fest to the Nth degree. I just pass on the junk now and every time someone comments that it's too bad I can't enjoy the weekend like I used to. I defy any one of them to try to convince me they enjoy themselves more than I do.

We do the best we can as often as we can. that's the key to success in most any thing we try. I hope I can keep maintaining and I wish everyone success in this journey to better health.

Lin

I agree 100%.

I've never cut out anything completely from my plan. I think the fact that I KNOW I can have something makes me want it less right at that moment. I know I can have it later, but later never seems to come.

I also think that certain foods in moderation have made the 'living it up' moments more enjoyable. Going out to eat for someone's birthday and having some cake make the day seem more special than if I had that food every day.

I have definitely modified some foods, such as ice cream. I have ice cream every day, except now it's one 150 calorie sandwich, which completely hits the spot, rather than half a gallon every day.