Hey ladies,

Just starting the thread, I'll be back in a bit to post!

hello-I've been MIA. I've been busy getting ready for Norman's funeral and also eating my way right out of my pants. I am such an emotional eater. I started out good but then everything went to ****. I have about 8 days off from work starting tomorrow (that is when the funeral is) so I will try to get back on track. I think I'll skip weigh-in tonight, too depressing. Talk to you soon.

I'm here Lexxy -- we had our washer/dryer unit break down so I finally got to get myself one of those Neptunes that I've wanted for so long. It's being delivered/installed as we speak, so here I am. We also got a new stove, as the one in this house is 25 years old and it was just time -- it's so gross, and the new one sitting next to it in the driveway makes it look even worse than it did in our kitchen.

I have a doctor appt. this afternoon to do a workup on why these miscarriages keep happening to us. I wonder what he'll say...on my third he told me it was just luck of the draw without even invesitgating it. I may be in the market for a new doc soon, who knows?

Belle, hope you're doing ok. I've been thinking about you.

And thanks to all of you for your comforting words -- it means so much more than you know. This isn't something I can tell the general public at large (just too hard to talk about, and quite frankly, I don't think that anyone would really even want to hear it anyway), so it's really good to be able to talk to you guys about it.

Aaron is off to a friends to play today so I can get the housecleaning done and also keep my doctor's appointment. My cousin and her friend are getting out of the dorm this weekend and coming to visit us, so I better get the house in decent shape. Although I think that the new appliances will provide me with a great deal of inspiration.

Come out and play, everyone...

Robyn, we were posting at the same time. Big hugs go out to you...you and your husband were so good to Norman, and it has to be a tremendous relief to you that he's not suffering or in pain anymore. I bet you're really going to miss him, though...take good care of yourself and Timmy today!

Jayne, I just PMed you but I just read today's posts - I didn't realize this was not the first time for you! I am so sorry about that. I feel terrible for wallowing in my self-pity now...

I think its just been a little harder with b/f gone and it seems my family is afraid to talk to me since I told them. I feel like you do, since we can share here, it's really nice....

Anyway, Robin, hang in there! Stuff like that warrants a little crazy eating. You are going through a huge amount of stress. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Take care...

BBL

Hi all...

Very frustrated today. You all know I'm a newspaper reporter. Well, I was "loaned" to the editorial department today and I'm finding I don't like it. I'm all for giving my opinion, but being told what opinion to write (not that I disagree with this one), is just a little weird for me.

Ah, maybe it'll get better. In the meantime, I'm starving and afraid to leave for lunch because NO ONE ELSE in this office has left and it's 12:20 p.m. What's up with that? Doesn't anyone eat? I hate being a new employee. You feel like you're walking on eggshells. (And I am on probation for the first three months here -- 2 more months to go).

I hope everyone is doing OK today. I think we all need a great big CYBER HUG today!

Hi Lexxy.

Robin - there is a lot going on in your life. Don't beat yourself up for not being OP. Just drink lots of water, get a short walk or some stretches in each day to take care of yourself, and the rest will follow when your life settles back down.

Jayne - new appliances! How exciting! What is a Neptune? Never heard of it. What kind of stove did you get? I got a flat top stove for my house and LOVE it. Never going back to burner plates. Also, if your Dr. doesn't do a full work-up to determine the causes of all the miscarriages - get a new Dr. You are a young woman who eats right and exercises - 1 miscarriage may be "luck of the draw" but not 4. And anytime you need to talk about it go right ahead - or PM me if you need to.

Still very sick with a BAD chest cold that I can't shake. I'm sure having my hours upped at 2nd job isn't helping. I've been sleeping in my car on my lunch hour...how pathetic is that?

Later,

Laura

Belle - maybe your family doesn't realize that you need extra support? What about calling one of your sisters and telling her you need a shoulder to lean on?

Kim - being the newbie is hard 'cuz you don't know all the unwritten rules. I can't imagine anyone faulting you for taking lunch though.

Jayne and Belle, I'm glad to hear that posting has offered you some comort. I think that's one of the reason's a lot of us are here - to share some very personal - and sometimes painful - struggles with people who won't judge us. Ok, I won't get too cheesy here

I'm kind of bummed because I got on the scale this morning and it read 171. Friday, my official weigh in day was 167.5. I know the many reasons for fluctuations, but this has been going on for literally months. I think since February I've been floating 5 lbs between 167 and 172. Obviously I haven't been very good being OP, but it's driving me nuts. I can't do the whole put away the scale thing either. What little motivation I have with dieting comes from the numbers aspect of it. When I see those numbers moving down, I am more motivated to continue to be on plan. When they are doing this stuff, I think screw it, just eat whatever you want since it doesn't make a difference anyway.

I'm not the happiest camper today, everything is getting on my nerves. I need a spa vacation or something! Instead I am going away to the beach this weekend, which will be fun, but since it's still cold out, it will mean TONS of drinking. I have no clue how I'm going to work that in, plus eating out, into some semblance of staying OP!

Kim, good luck with the new job - I used to temp a lot, so I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to "figure out" new office cultures and environments.

Laura, I've slept in my car during lunch before. It was back when I had mono but didn't know it yet. But 2 jobs must be killer...I think you need to come along to the spa with me

A quick hello to everyone. Things are getting caught up here at work so I thought I'd stop by. My boss asked me this morning if I was doing OK or if there was too much stuff to get through. That was nice of her. She's really concerned about her employees being happy in the workplace (not a bad quality at all)
Lexxy - How about a sauna? sweat off a few pounds! You know you shouldn't be getting on that scale but I'm sure it can helpful to nudge you back on track. Just like all of us!
Robin - I definately agree. Skip WI, you don't need it right now. I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow.
Jayne - If your doctor isn't investigating, I say, get a new one. Remember, doctor's are supposed to work FOR us. As for new appliances, I'm not sure if they would actually inspire me. I might just want to keep them looking new and never use them. Wouldn't that be a great excuse?
Belle - we are here for you! But I agree that you should tell your family you need them right now, they probably just don't know how to react. Once you tell them what you need, they'll be there for you!
Kim - I hope you finally got to go to lunch. These next 2 months of probation will hopefully fly by.
Laura - you need to get better! When I'm working both jobs I frequently sleep in my car between shifts but the bed feels soo much better, especially when you're sick.

OK, this took forever so everyone's probably gone for the day. I hope I didn't curse the thread for those of us who are still around. I'll check back
KT

Hi, I hope it's not too late to post. Jayne-I am so sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage. That is such a hard thing to go through. I went through it four times. It's not so much that it is like a death but it is that you miss "what could have been...". I remember the first time it happened to Timmy and I, I was pregnant at the same time as one of our friends and we joked about them going to school together. That was 16 years ago. I see that kid all the time and I think, "That's what size my son/daughter would be." I had so many tests done, I had biopsies of my uterus, I had an x-ray at the same time they shot colored dye up my you-know-what and had a million blood tests. It was all very painful, physically and emotionally. They never did find out why. I got pregnant through the use of fertility drugs and then had to take progesterone suppositories to prevent a miscarriage. That was 11 years and two months ago and I have a perfectly healthy 11 year old son now. He is everything I could ever want in a son. He is handsome and polite and most importantly he knows how powerful my husband and I's love is for him. OK, now I'm getting sappy. Let me tell you something they did find out about me, about a year after Andrew was born I had an eptopic pregnancy (the baby was growing in my fallopian tube) and when they went in to remove it they found that I only had one fallopian tube and 1 ovary. The other ones were there but they were not functioning. The doctor said they were shriveled up, as if they never developed. All of the doctors I went to said that that had nothing to do with any of my miscarriages but it makes you wonder. They also said that I had just as much of a chance of getting pregnant as any other normal woman. That is of course unless you have a tubal pregnancy in the only tube you have. That pretty much took me out of the baby making business. But I got Andrew. Hang in there Jayne. I am so sorry for your loss and for all the days that could have been. At least you know you CAN get pregnant, that is one bright part of the picture. Talk to you later. PS-I think I will PM this to you too in case you miss it.