Hi,
I haven't posted a lot on these boards, so it might seem strange to someone that one of my first threads is not diet related... but I've been lurking a lot and it seems like people on here give really good input and have even better advice.

So, all started a few months back when a friend of one of my room mates spend a lot of time over at our appartment. He asked me several times if I would go on a date with him, if he could cook for me or take me out to a restaurant. I said no. Partly because I was really busy with exams, studying almost all day long. But partly also because I wasn't sure if he meant it seriously or if he just wanted sex. I'm always very insecure, my mother got me to be kind of afraid of men.

Once when he asked, my room mate said "oh, don't try to cook for her, she just eats cereals anyway!" Which was true at that time, I was just too exhausted to cook once I got home from the library. I said "that's right! oh see, you can take me out to a cereal restaurant!" the guy said that there was no such thing and I said "yeah, right, so unless you find one we won't go out!"
That might sound a little harsh, but it was said and meant in a joking way.

He asked once again a few month later and I told him we could go out together once my exams where over.
Now, he texted me to congratulate me for passing my exams and then asked when we would go out for cereal together. I asked him if he finally found a cereal restaurant and he replied that he had even found two. He gave me the name of a café and then wrote something about that there was another one on x street (his adress) that had a real good menue. He wrote it in a very cute way. He told me to think about it.
I accepted his invitation. It all started out really nicely, we sat in his garden eating cereals and we had a great conversation. Then he said "well, it's a pity you're 2 months late, cause I've a girlfriend now. Room mate told you, didn't he? (no, my room mate didn't tell me)". I was a little taken aback. Anyways, we kept on talking.
After I came back home, I got a text message saying that it was a really nice evening and that he enjoyed it very much.

I just don't get it. Why did he ask me to meet him when he had been having a girlfriend for two months? It was certainly not to get back to me for saying no to him all the other times he asked. It didn't feel like it. It was a really nice evening. We had a great conversation, still going on after he told me had a girlfriend. And it was not to have an affair. So... why? Did he want to become a friend?
I'm disappointed and I regret having said no so many times. I think he is a really interesting person. We never didn't talk much before and I was really worried how our "date" would be. Well... I just don't understand this.

That seems very weird that he would go through all that and continue to pursue you KNOWING he has a girlfriend. Whether your roommate told you or not, that's a red flag for me. Bottom line, I think you were lucky to have turned him down due to exams. Imagine if you hadn't and YOU were his girlfriend now and he was trying to go on a date with someone else.

Just red flag all over!

You know, the thing is... we did nothing his girlfriend could be bothered by. He behaved like any of my male friends behave around me. So, maybe I misunderstood his intentions? Maybe he just wanted to be friends?
Well, but considering the fact that he had asked me out many times before, maybe there is something his girlfriend could be annoyed by.

Oh, I just don't get it.

Well, for me, I would be livid if my boyfriend were texting/trying to set up a "date" with another woman. This might be a generational thing though ( I'm 37 and I'm sure you're younger since you're talking about exams). In my eyes, it's just unacceptable to hang out one on one with someone of the opposite sex when in a committed relationship.

I don't think you misunderstood his intentions though. From what you've said, he was clearly pursuing you and being flirty.

I think it's inappropriate for a guy to ask you out when he's got a girlfriend, even if the date was innocent.
Could he possibly be playing games with you? Maybe he thinks you'll be more interested in him now that he's "forbidden". I know that sounds ridiculous, but believe me, there are lots of people out there who operate like that!
I think at best, he's clueless. At worst, he's totally shady.
ETA: Just going by what you've said, I also don't think you misunderstood his intentions. It definitely sounds like he was flirting with you and wanting to go out with you!

I think his girlfriend would be pretty upset to find out her bf went on a date regardless of what you didn't do. If he wants to date you then he should have broken up with her first.

eh it was most likely a friends thing particularly if he told you about his gf and treated you like a friend I wouldn't worry about it to much ykwim

I disagree, if it were a just friends thing he would have mentioned the girlfriend well before he got her to join him on a "date". Not to mention he referenced his home as a great place for Cereal.

Red flags.

Odd. Was he trying to show off the fact that he got someone else? Hmm...

I personally wouldn't encourage this and go out with him again, If I was his girlfriend I'd be in tears by now.

Thanks for all your opinions.

I don't think he's trying to play games and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to show the fact that he got someone either. That's why I think it's so strange.

I won't encourage anything and wouldn't go out again if he asked again, that's for sure.

Sounds like he's trying to keep his options open.

Talk to him and see if he can clear things up for you.
Then decide what to do.

This is what I was thinking. It seems to me like he prefers to have another "option" available in case it doesn't work out with the woman he's seeing now. Otherwise, it seems like he would have included her or at minimum mentioned her before he got you to go out with him.

It does seem like he's playing a game to me. My husband was respectful enough that he didn't even really talk to anyone else when we started thinking about dating, even before our first real date.

When my husband & I started "hanging out", I told him that I wasn't ready to date or be serious because I had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship and that he has my blessings to date others. He told me that he appreciates it, but wanted to wait for me to be ready.

I didn't think much of it at that time. But now that I think about it, I realize that he was interested in ME and not just any chick he could find.

You deserve so much better than being someone else's "option". And remember, if he could do this to someone else, he would most likely do it to you too.

I think he's trying to pay you back for turning him down the first few times he asked you. And I totally agree about the red flag, I don't care how nice he seems.

He went to a lot of trouble (and being cute) to get you to go out, and why? Just to tell you he can't take you out because he already has a gf?

There's something wrong here....