I have been dieting since i was 13 and have tried every diet there is out there! Even some weird ones where you ate chicken one day and cheese another day and then something else for the third day (cant remember what third day was because I usually never made it ). Last year I lost 18kg through doing a diet where basically you arent allowed to eat any fruit... at all. Then i gained 15kg of it back. the year before I did protein diet which made me lose a bit then gain it back (and a bit more) and then lose a bit and then gain it back etc. I did this other diet where I could have two fruits a day but the rest was low carb and lost a lot of weight and then gain it back. So you know that saying that stupidity is doing what you know doesnt work through experience but you keep on doing it exactly the same way??

So anyway i decided I should change my way of eating and started calorie counting and its been going really really well. So far in the 3.5 months that ive been doing it ive lost about 14kg and that includes having two binge days and some weekend day where I have exceeded my calorie allocation. But that's been ok because i generally go on calorie deficit to allow for the weekend "badness". Anyway today I ate 4 apples which came to like 500 calories (they were big apples) but overall my day's calories were 100 calories under my allocated 1200. But now I am filled with remorse that is a flash back to my protein diet days. I mean they are apples and granted, I probably sohuldnt be eating 4 giant apples but it could have been so much worse! Its weird that some food guilts from previous diets just stay with you and come out at moments when you least expect them. Like i have a friend who cannot eat after 8:00pm because a diet she did years ago had that rule. She isnt on the diet anymore, or on any diet. She might be eating pizza or chocolate but as soon as the clock hits 8:00pm, its like her jaws lock!

Do you have weird food habit that you have gained from previous weird diets and just cant get rid of??

You have done so well! Don't let one day/one binge send you back to thinking you've failed yourself somehow!! It's fine to have a bad day ... just don't let it turn into a bad week, right? Besides, as you say, it was just apples and you didn't go over your allotted calories for the day. So give yourself a pat on the back for planning that little binge into your diet! That's the key ... planning .. and keep on keeping on!

(Yes, I've just restarted my diet but I've been where you are with those guilty feelings over eating something as low cal as a rice cake)

I wouldn't call 4 apples a binge! I can't speak for everyone but I have wierd ideas in my head about food. On saturday we had a family celebration and I stayed on plan didn't feel deprived, enjoyed the food, and company......then felt guilty because I was full! For me I just have to constantly watch how I'm thinking so those old thoughts don't effect how I feel about myself or my behaviour.

EatMoreCelery, thanks for posting about the rice cakes! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I also have guilt when I feel full, as though I should be hungry on a weight loss plan. I know that sounds like something an anorexic would say. I just feel like if I'm dulling the sensation of being hungry, but not actually full, that that is the place to be. When I feel full, then that makes me feel like I ate too many calories, even if I didn't. I have also felt guilt from eating fruit, probably left over from low carb diets in the past. I look forward to a day when I don't have weird food feelings, but I'm not sure that day will ever come, unless I go back to just eating whatever, whenever, and however much I want. The only time I don't think about food is when I don't love myself enough to not just eat, and eat, and eat...

I never feel guilty unless I go way over my calories... I look back and I think that maybe if I didn't eat that piece of bread or dessert I could be OK.

Apples are awesome!! I ate them for 3 days! haha (crazy detox thing) I read that apples are considered "negative calorie" food... not sure if that's right but I never feel guilty for eating healthy foods.

Look at the bright side, you could've have 4 burgers, or 4 hot dogs, but you had 4 apples... it seems pretty good to me!!!

Keep going! You are doing great!

As someone who's been through binge eating disorder, and is in recovery -- I think after you've had a bad case of it, you're in remission for the rest of your life, and have to watch you don't revert under stress -- I'll ask you some more questions about this.

**How** did you eat those apples? Hours apart, at different times of the day, like for snacks, or for a lunchtime dessert and then two after dinner? Calmly, slowly, savoring each bite?

Or did you eat four apples, one after the other, rather quickly, and find yourself unsatisfied and going for another while still chewing on the one you were still eating?

It makes a difference. To me, going through a binge is a distinctive feeling and a behavior. Doesn't matter what the choice of food is. If I am honest with myself, I know when I'm doing it. Even if it's a 24-stick pack of sugarfree gum. Even if it's three cans of Diet Pepsi, one after another.

But I have to interrogate myself and force myself to be honest, and acknowledge that there's something frantic & automatic & mindless about it, that my level of anxiety is rising while I'm chewing or drinking.

I can't identify it by the feeling of guilt afterward. I can feel guilty after a planned-for but unusual snack. Heck, I was raised as an old-time, superstitious Catholic; it doesn't take much to raise that emotion of guilt in me.

But I can tell by the way I eat and my feelings and thoughts (or lack thereof) while eating.

That's what I watch for in myself.

I'm right there with you-like you were telling my story! (also doing the 1200 count...sucks)

When ever I go over my calorie count with something healthy like fruit, I try and remind myself that 500 calories in apples is totallyyyyy different than 500 calories of pasta or junk food. My body is going to burn those calories much faster and store the energy differently.

If that doesn't do it for me and I can't shake the guilt, I try and up my cardio or gym time for the day. Go for a walk...jog in place...hit the tredmill...do something to burn the binge!

Don't obsess...we're all here fighting it with ya and feeling your pain.

Best advice I've gotten in a while...was in the same boat as u are, talking to my bf about it almost in tears and he said- "the stress you're putting yourself through over this will give you more belly fat than the calories you just ate. Breathe and be happy you're busting your *** and doing so well. There's always tomorrow!"

hope that helps!

Yeah I still find myself caught up in the "no food after 7" thing.

I had an 80cal yogurt last night about 8:30 because I was hungry and thought for sure, "well, there goes tomorrow morning's weigh in cause this yogurt feels like it weighs half a lb in my hand' I know it's crazy, but I still think it.

I also have a hard time with the SIZE and VOLUME of food. For example, I know a big salad is just that, a big salad that may have 100 calories tops, but the volume of it just scares me. 100 cals is 100 cals whether it's pea sized or grapefruit size - mentally i know it, but emotionally not so much. Four big apples would have flat out freaked me out for sure.

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I don't know that it's possible to be on any diet and not become obsessed with food. Either what we eat or don't eat or both. So this, to me, leads naturally to guilt and addiction to something, even habits that are fairly harmless. In a weird way it's a good sign. It's when we're not obsessed and not conscious of what we eat that we gain weight. (I think anyway) So this is a good thing! The guilt means that you really really care about your body and your health and that is brilliant!

The fact that you're aware of the calories and that you're eating them too much means that you're serious about dieting. If you're serious about dieting then you're serious about a solution to the apple issue and you will find one if you persevere.

Could you try switching to smaller apples at first or cut them so that you eat a half at a time? Remember most cravings last only twenty minutes so if you can distract yourself for little while you'll be fine.

Guilt is a tricky feeling. Maybe remind yourself that you're hurting no one or simply say f*ck it? Sorry this is not deep psychological help here I know but it's small stuff sometimes that I say to help me to get perspective.

aleigh3890 - your bf is very wise about everything but esp about the stress causing belly fat!! ). I agree 1200 calories suck and never seems enough.

saef - yeah I know what you mean. I also struggle with binge eating which is why the low carb, all protein you can eat way of eating didnt work for me and why I need to structure that calorie counting gives me. So now even when I do binge its more controlled because i am more aware of what i am putting in my mouth and how much they will each cost me! Not that I am by any means good when i eat too much but its definitely sooo much better than before. In the case of the apples they were stretched apart. the first one was for my morning snack, the seond was for afternoon snack. The third I was visiting a relative at the hospital so it was a very long time btween lunch and dinner and everyone was eating chocolates and the last one was the way home apple as was starving and also on edge from being around chocolate!

Brandis - hilarious! I also feel bad when I feel too full even though it might be because i had a huge lettuce salad with dinner

This is why i love this forum. no matter how weird my food issues, there are always people who share similar habits, which makes me realise i am not a freak...