I know I don't post often but I do lurk alot. And I have to say that I'm eternally grateful for all of the support I've received here. But do any of you feel like you don't get enough support IRL? I am the only one I know that has lost a large amount of weight and kept it off. I've tried to find others that are doing what I'm doing but I haven't found anyone yet. I've suggested trying to start a support group at my work (1500+ employees) but I don't get any takers. I've reached out to individuals, including post-wls patients, to try to get together to support one another. But it seems that no one is interested. My family and friends are hugely supportive of me (well mostly) but none of them really understand the issues of the formerly obese. And I do have friends that are currently attempting to lose weight but they don't really get it either. I feel like I'm the only one. I guess I'm just hoping that one day I can find someone that understands and is willing to support me and I support them. Do any of you feel like this?

T.O.P.S. only 28 dollars per year and 5 dollars per month great deal for the money lots of support

Thanks Karen, I will look into it. I'm under the impression that TOPS support is geared primarily for weight loss support, from checking their website. I'm looking for others who are in maintenance. There is a group in my town though.

I don't know if this will work for you... Lots of times I thought nobody cared about me until I got to be strong enough to think that may be it was time I started supporting others. In the support I give to those around me I feel supported myself, less lonely and more useful. I know I cannot make up for all the pain I went through for not finding that support when I needed it, but that is the past; I get happy to see the smile on somebody else's face when they feel somebody cares... Have you tried chairing a support group for those who are losing weight, for instance? Or just listening to people with other issues? It could help, and both ways!

Losermom, I haven't even bothered to look for people like myself in real life. I know they're out there, but I've suspected a lot of them are trying hard to forget what it was like to be fat, and disassociate from their struggles, with the hope that will be a talisman against regaining. Some of them may be "passing" (if I may be permitted to borrow this racially charged phrase) as people who've always been thin. Heck, I feel like I'm passing, most of the time -- though not deliberately, just out of weariness from having to tell my story or explain myself. ("No, I wasn't always like this ... I was once over a hundred pounds heavier ... No, I didn't follow any commercial meal plan or system ... I exercised and ate healthier ... No, I didn't take any pills, shots or supplements ...") Also, sadly enough, I think the Internet has sort of eaten a good part of my social life, the part that consisted of meeting up with various groups. I'm one of those Americans who doesn't belong to a church or bowling league or any of those kinds of social or fraternal organizations. I seem to use the Internet for that function these days.

Also, Losermom, I wonder if it might help you just a bit if you lurk less and post more. Answer some newbie questions. Pay it forward.

This, of course, is not going to answer your need for human contact in real life, but it could help you re-engage, and could serve as a transitional action to take until you do somehow find our kind of people in your geographic area.

I haven't been at this nearly as long as a lot of the other maintainers around here, but I do get what you're feeling.

I was just talking about this with my fiance. He supports me, but I told him that he doesn't get it and never will. I'm grateful for his support, but he'll never completely understand. I told him that I--and every other formerly obese person--is different and we're not just simply thin people now.

One of my best friends lost around 100lbs so she does understand, but I rarely get to see her. She's in med school and I'm trying to take the next step regarding my career. When we get together it's refreshing to talk though.

It does seem very isolating though. I'm not willing to erase my past and pretend I've always been a thin person because being fat for so many years shaped who I am today. Like saef said, a lot of people seem to want to forget that past, but I find I don't want to dissociate myself from who I once was.

This site was essential to me losing the last bit of my weight and I really think it's going to be essential to me maintaining. It would be nice to have a place like this in real life, but I believe this forum is the next best thing--one of the beautiful things about the internet.

Yes, I feel this way more and more often and I am sorry you are feeling it too. The formerly obese long time maintainer is a very rare breed. Sometimes I feel very alone even on 3FC. As Saef suggested, "paying it forward" doesn't seem very popular on weight loss sites. I sometimes get the impression that some people really don't want advice. Anyway, I'm rambling now, but just know that you are not alone...I feel your pain.

I have never been obese but I was always "chubby". I too find it exhausting sometimes to maintain the small (in comparison to most people on this board) 17 lb. weight loss I did acheive. In fact I am currently almost 8 lbs. up from my lower maintenance weight.

I find my support here.

It would be nice to find some IRL, or rather face-to-face as the net is as real as anything else we communicate with these days, and I did try both Weight Watchers and TOPS but they were very much for losing, not maintenance.

So here I am. It's a great deal more comforting knowing the maintainers are here than not having anyone.

I think someone else suggested you post more. I would second that suggestion. 3FC is an dialogue, thought a slow one.

Dagmar

I do get what you're saying and want to send you some ! I do know a few women who struggle with weight and are keeping it off (they have a food addiction like I do), but there's only so much we can discuss when it comes to this issue before it gets repetitive. I do find myself feeling lonely in my life with this issue simply because it takes all my hard work and dedication to stay focused and on plan and that's up to me...so it's kind of tough in that sense. I'm not even sure if I can sum it all up here in black and white, but I do think I get what you're going through. I do get a certain level of support and comfort from this board....a lot actually. I'm so grateful to have it but there are times when I come here looking for something that will catch my interest and maybe there hasn't been a lot of activity on the forum and then I find myself feeling quite alone at that time.

I want to thank everyone for posting. I feel like my post was a long time coming. I've been having these feelings for a long time but haven't actually verbalized/written them until now. I think that I am really wished that I could find or create a 3fc support group IRL. Maybe we need to plan a meet-up. I know I'd be there.

I probably didn't make myself very clear in my original post. I do support many people IRL who are currently working on a weight loss program. But it has been my experience that while losing is very similar to maintaining I haven't found anyone that currently maintaining a significant loss in real life. Most of the time when I'm talking with others about their journey I start to feel like a broken record.

saef, I completely understand about the "passing" part. It takes so much effort to explain myself that it's sometimes easier to just be me. I don't want to believe that there is nobody that wants to socialize face to face. I get that we're tired after work and need to spend time with our spouse and families, but I need some face time with others/friends too. My feelings may stem from the fact that I'm feeling like I need more time with girlfriends in general.

I do read the newbie questions but I find that the questions are often the same over and over. That and others usually answer with the same suggestions that I would. I think I would be redundant.

sontaikle, I feel that if I deny that I was ever fat/obese that I would be denying myself and who I was. It's a part of me that helps to keep me on track. The longer I maintain the more faint that memory becomes for those around me. Most only remember me as I am now.

Lori Bell, some people definitely don't want advice. They want us to validate their excuses. It's frustrating when I feel blamed for their lack of follow through. I am not responsible for your weight loss. And yes, it's happened to me. It makes me sad and feel isolated both here and IRL.

luckymommy, I too feel disappointed in the lack of activity here sometimes. Maybe we do need to be posting more.

losermom, there is just so much more to life than thinking about weight, weight loss, and weight maintenance. Eventually, people move on to those other things.

Jay

I'm not a maintainer yet, but I've been reading the maintenance forums a lot lately because I'm approaching that point and I'm, well, pretty terrified. So I saw this and hope you don't mind me responding.

Yes, there are a lot of the same questions over and over. But you're not redundant. As a long-time maintainer you have a LOT to offer to those of us who don't have the experience and knowledge you do. Maybe it's because I'm getting close to maintenance that I feel this way (as opposed to being new to losing, when I just needed to learn how to LOSE and erroneously thought maintainers had it easy with their higher calorie limits ), but I am always, ALWAYS grateful to see the posts from maintainers. It reassures me that "they" are out there and exist (i.e. it can be done, with a lot of hard work), and I try to soak up every word so that I, too, can find a way to be successful at maintaining once I actually get there.


All that said, I understand your original post. I don't have anyone in my real life either who has gone through this kind of weight loss, and who truly understands what it took to get here and how vigilant I'll need to be to stay here. My husband has watched me every day of this journey, and even he can't understand. I have friends and family members who have lost smaller amounts of weight, or have lost and regained and lost again... and I don't discount their experiences at all, but it doesn't seem quite the same. They aren't dealing with a lot of the body image issues that I do, they don't have the metabolic adaptation that necessitates a lower calorie intake than someone who never dieted down from a very high weight, and they can't understand my terror of regaining - and how much that impacts my eating habits and behavior.

Anyway, s to you.

Ouch! Saef - you always hit the nail right on the head.

I feel exactly like that - I don't know any fellow maintainers IRL, and I too am passing* because I am weary of telling my story.

My colleagues who knew me when I was fat must have forgotten what I looked like. Others see me lugging around my gym bag and preparing my healthy food and just assume I've always been athletic and/or am some "health nut". I almost feel like my diet and exercise regimen is some "dirty little secret".

I, too, spend a lot of time online chatting with fellow maintainers. I really need to connect with like-minded people.

My husband is very supportive, but the rest of my family will never get it.

* I don't think it's offensive to say "passing for thin", After all, it's the name of a book.

Sure, that's true, but we can't act like "normal" people - or at least not for very long. I'm interested in many other things too, but weight maintenance has to be a daily constant for me.