I've been creeping this site for months now and I just found this section! and to be honest it was just in time :/

I'm 22 years old and about 130 lbs. I've been battling with cycles of binging and purging for almost 10 years now, though it has gotten much better in recent years. I went from 146 lbs to 120 during a breakup over the summer. Now that my boyfriend and I are back together I haven't been able to maintain my low 120 goal. I've been watching my calories and going to the gym, but it seems that whenever I'm alone or bored I can't keep myself from binging and purging.

I know that my binges are what's been keeping me reaching my goal which has been making my purging worse. I feel so frustrated with this struggle and don't have much support-and by that I mean none. I don't talk to the people in my life about this though they know my history. I wish I had a diet buddy to help me with my goals and plan but my friends are not that...umm...fitness friendly.

I guess I don't really know what the point of my post is, just was feeling defeated and finally felt like I had a place to go!

I have no personal experience with binging and purging (i just binge) but my close friend is bulimic and struggles every day. she has recently started seeing a therapist, and it has done her a lot of good.

i also believe that therapy isnt for everyone, so i wont tell you to go if you are uncomfortable with the idea.

this can lead to some really serious health issues, it may keep you thin, but at what cost? you owe it to yourself to take wonderful care of your body.

check out all of your options, and make a decision. it looks like you have already taken the first step though, by reaching out for help.

I don't have experience with this either, but just wanted to stop and give you support and hugs. Hopefully those with words of wisdom will stop by soon.

aleigh3890 - bless you I've never had an eating disorder. But I can speak from experience with seeking professional help re: therapy, for something completely different. And yeah, it's not for everyone, but after just my first session it felt like a weight had been taken off my sholders.
At the end of the day, it's up to you.

The wonderful thing about this place is the support, and everyone is here for each other with no judgements (which is so hard to find).

One last thing, try to set yourself daily goals. That way you really are taking it day by day. If you have a bad day, brush it off to experience. Try to make a mental note of what caused you to purge or any other triggers and make changes ready for the next day.

I hope our words have helped you feel a little more relaxed. And remember, on this forum, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Although I'm not a purger, I do binge and compulsively eat. I've been in control lately with the help of therapy and prescription meds.

I do encourage you to seek some sort of counseling. I know it's not the correct answer for everyone, but it can be very helpful....even if just for a place to talk without being judged (like we do here, but to a breathing human being in the same room with you.....if that makes sense LOL)

In any case, ((hugs)) to you and this is a great place for feedback and support.

aleigh-

I am struggling with this issue, too. I am working with a therapist and it is working wonders. We suffer from an illness... you wouldn't expect to have to fight diabetes on your own without a doctor, would you? Be honest with yourself and ask for help. If you don't have money for a therapist there are many free support groups available for people with eating disorders. Check google or the phone book. Good luck *hugs*.

I poked around here for a long time too before I started contributing... I love how supportive everyone here is! It's so nice to have some place to come to to "come clean" as you put it, where nobody judges you.

Good luck!

Demosthenes is correct - we have an illness - we are different to others who are just trying to lose weight - I got into recovery as soon as I accepted that I have binge eating disorder and it's great to be here where we support each other and have no problem with being honest and admitting that today - it didn't work out - i fell off the wagon and also saying but that's ok cos tomorrow I'll get back on it

wow thanks so much to everyone who posted here! I'm almost in tears I'm so touched. It's hard because my friends all know that I've struggled for years but no one ever notices or say anything so I feel very alone in it a lot of the time. I'm so weight obsessed and I know it bothers a lot of the people in my life...I feel so greatful to have this site and so relieved to have posted this thread! Cheers to starting today off fresh! <3 <3 <#

I find it hard to keep my binges under control, so i can relate to what you're going through on some level, but I'm not a purger, so I can't completely understand what you're feeling. It would be ideal if you could find some counseling. You have nothing to lose by seeking help, there are people out there who know exactly how to deal with issues like these because that's what they were trained for.

Stay strong and do write back, we'd all like to hear from you more! *hugs*

I completely understand. I have tried to purge many times after a binge and can't seem to get there. I got to the point that I looked up on pro binging sites how to do it. I've never admitted my problem until today to anyone.

Remember that you are beautiful and if you need to talk, we are here.

thanks everyone! It's been a tough week. It's a really nasty cycle-I feel like crap because I'm unhappy about my weight, so I get discouraged, anxious and depressed about it-which triggers my binges-which makes me feel too full-which makes me purge-which makes me more depressed, anxious and discouraged all over again and there it goes...

it's like fighting a losing battle against someone who knows every one of your weaknesses

I know I need to stay focused and try and gain back the control with my binging. I have a counsler I just started seeing but have yet to talk to him about my eating issues...I plan to talk to him about it in our next session, but to be honest I'm gaining so much power and confidence just from all of you here <3 (Thanks!!!)

All the support and input/suggestions are really helpful and I appreciate you all taking time to look and post on my thread

@clownfish-I'm happy you brought your experience here! I appreciate you breaking you silence to support me...so kind and brave...

It's keeping me sane. I am doing that April Challenge starting today that says no Binges for the rest of the month. I figure, I can do six days. I know once I get past that it will be easier to keep going. 6 more days, that's it. Start tomorrow!

I know it's hard, one day at a time. Try eating small meals, it usually helps me from mindless munching but sometimes if the snack isn't big enough to satisfy me, I go hunting for more and then go overboard. Today at that snack time, I came here while drinking my shake. It kept me free from the chocoholicism.

I have done a good job of keeping my binging under control. I have managed to avoid out of control eating. I had a food version of The Lost Weekend a couple of weeks ago, but I forgave myself for that and moved on.

But the one big problem I have had since I started this weight loss is vacations. I have taken two vacations in the past year, and both times I went off the deep end. One trip was to Italy, and I did my best to be good and did tons of walking, but towards the end I was in binge mode. The second time was in Costa Rica. I went totally nuts there. I had good intentions, and started the trip with seafood, salads, etc. but within two days, I was gorging on chocolates from the minibar, cake, eating full plates of beans and rice; big buffet breakfasts...you get the picture.

Both times, I managed to get back on track pretty quickly, but I just can't seem to act appropriately on vacation. It's like this voice inside my head says 'go ahead, eat what you want - you're on vacation"! And I do.

In three weeks, I am going back to Europe for two weeks. The first week is on my own, in a country known for great pastries. The second week I will be with others on a hiking and walking trip. It might sound like week 2 will be easy since I'm definitely exercising, but that's what the Costa Rica trip was too and I didn't do so hot.

How can I keep things under control? Especially on my own? I am too insecure to dine alone in a restaurant, so I will likely get fast food and pastries, or room service where I can eat in private. How can I do the right thing and keep my food choices reasonable? I will definitely get lots of exercise as the country I'm visiting is hilly, but I have to avoid binges too. How do I avoid the "it's ok to eat what you want while on vacation" mentality?

With my birthday coming up next Monday, a big trip in three weeks, and a recent binge a couple weeks ago, I am really nervous..

I also suffered with bulimia for many years, along with the overeating and restricting. I think you need to establish why you are upset about your weight, and if it's actually not your weight that's the problem but rather you might be using it as a distraction from something else in life?

I used dysfunctional eating as a way to distract myself from problems and bad experiences I'd had. I didn't really know I was doing this until I went through therapy, but I did know that if I wasn't starving/binging and purging then i would get quite emotional because I would have to focus on problems in my life. Binging and purging was a release and usually a 'reward' almost for restricting for however long. The restricting just left me numb and hungry, and if you're that hungry you won't be thinking about a bad break up or family problems.

Also, this way of thinking and treating your body can really mess with your perception of yourself, I always thought I'd be able to tell when I got thin enough, but I couldn't. My co workers and friends were telling me I was tiny, and too skinny but I really thought I was very overweight.

I would definitely recommend cognitive behavioral therapy if you have access to it.
I tried for years to rid myself of my ed, and I know some people do have success on their own but personally I think therapy is really essential. I certainly didn't go thinking it would help, I felt completely hopeless and basically just went as a last ditch attempt as I figured I couldn't feel any worse.
I'm a lot better now, I notice if I get upset I still turn to thinking I'm fat, and want to binge and purge but I don't often binge anymore, and I haven't purged in over a year. It's much easier to fight off those feelings for 1 or 2 days than every day. I spent the best part of my teenage years not caring about anything but food,diet,weightloss,exercise-my head was just full of counting calories and thinking about how i can not binge or how can i lose more weight. I found it very difficult to care about anything or anyone, as there wasn't any space for anything else in my life. It's a really sad existence and I hope you can find a way to overcome it.

Good luck with your counselor, you can always PM me if you want to talk or vent etc :-)